Blog Posts from "Whitly's Schtick"

Whitly Presents: Exhibit See-5 Games I Couldn't Finish

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 15:47:52 -0400

Hey g1s! Whitly here! For these last few days, I’ve been struggling with what to discuss for my next blog. It’s been tough, especially I often come up with concepts for blogs that never actualize in the end. That being said, I’ve been inspired. I’ve been inspired by a blog I recently saw that discussed a few games the author of that blog couldn’t complete. Seeing that blog reminded me of how I’ve wanted to write similar to it since the days of V3, yet couldn’t because my writing skills weren’t advanced enough at the time to do so. Since that blog reminded me of how interesting something like that would be to write about, with her consent I’ve decided to not outdo it, but rather try my hand at the topic with 5 games and see what I can come up with.

Now, aside from my controversial picks, I’m also inserting two clauses into the mix:

1. It has to be a game that I currently own. There are many games that I haven’t beaten yet, but most are only because I’ve never owned them. To make this fair for me, we’re sticking with games that I currently have in my collection, regardless of whether it’s the physical copy or a port/compilation disc.

2. It has to be a game that I haven’t beaten yet, not one that I haven’t 100% completed yet. I almost never clear games 100% (maybe only 2 or 3 in my entire life,) so it wouldn’t be fair for me to do that. Instead, I’m only going with games that I still haven’t gotten to or beaten the final boss in yet.

Anyway, with that being said and done, let’s get to it!

Forest Maze – Super Mario RPG

Exhibit A-The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask (VC)

Where I’m currently at: Woodfall Temple. (Not far.)

Reason: Let’s get one thing clear here: I DON’T consider this game to be garbage. I’ll admit that I’ve tormented this game several times in the past, even going as far as write a blog about it that received a Spotlight, but I actually consider it to be a decent game. It may be tedious at points, but when I’m not busy worrying about failure it can be quite enjoyable to play! I downloaded this game off of the VC after about 50-dozen or so recommendations to try it out. It seemed interesting enough, and I’d wanted to test it out for several years at that point, so I went ahead and purchased it. Things started out okay, but after 2-and-a-half weeks of aggravation and barely getting anywhere, I stopped playing it and vowed never to touch it again for as long as I lived.

So, what killed it for me? The time limit. Now, I’m well-aware of the ability to extend time by playing the Song of Time backwards, but that’s not really what bothers me about the game. (Besides, knowing myself, I could probably sit through the extended period of time and still not get anywhere.) My problem isn’t so much that I don’t have enough time, as much as it is that I’m being timed to begin with. For those of you who don’t already know about this, Whitly + deadlines = ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH! Having a deadline to complete something makes me feel incredibly rushed, thus causing the end result to be sloppy, disjointed and nauseating to reflect on. Even if I were to use that helpful hint and slow down time, I’d still find it an issue to enjoy this game due to having to constantly check the clocks and plan out everything in advance instead of actually have fun, something that’s made worse due to me spending 300% longer on video games than everyone else.

So there you have it, my reason for not finishing this game. It’s not a bad game, it’s just over-complicated by something I’m not good at coping with. Now will you stop nagging me about it?

Exhibit B-Punch-Out!! Wii

Where I’m currently at: Soda Popinski (first encounter).

Reason: Punch-Out!! Wii was a rarity for me. Normally, I find that I can’t get into difficult games. It seems as though they’re too unforgiving, throw everything at me too quickly and lead to more frustration than enjoyment. Such has been the case for me since I was really young, yet Punch-Out!! Wii managed to be one of those rare exceptions. Heck, I even wrote a half-decent parody/review back in July of last year that received a Top-Post! So why did I stop playing it so suddenly?

While I can’t accurately determine what it was that pushed me away from it, nevertheless I’d venture a guess that Excitebots: Trick Racing played a part in it. After all, my Wii’s database records don’t lie! What doesn’t make sense about it, though, is that Excitebots: Trick Racing is clearly the inferior game when it comes to overall quality, yet I gravitated to it more than Punch-Out!! Wii. Despite the lacking logic, I guess I ended up spending more time with Excitebots: Trick Racing because of how wacky and original it is. I mean, you get to play as robot animals on racecourses that look like someone on an Acid trip designed them! How awesome is that?!

*Sigh* Unfortunately for me, my obsessive enjoyment of Excitebots: Trick Racing must’ve drawn me away entirely from Punch-Out!! Wii. Even though I haven’t touched either game in a while, nevertheless I plan to go back to Punch-Out!! Wii sometime in the near future; after all, I’d be lying if I were to say that it isn’t awesome!

Exhibit C-Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island (GBA version)

Where I’m currently at: World 1-4.

Reason: I’d been looking forward to playing this game for a long time. Having initially seen the game as part of an archived episode of NAViGaTR’s Video Gaming in the Clinton Era series on Google Video/Youtube, I was sure that I’d have a fun time with it. After all, I’d played the alleged sequel, Yoshi’s Story, before, and I was interested in trying the game that the N64 title was loosely based off of. So, after numerous, failed attempts over the years to try and play it on emulators, I finally managed to purchase it off of someone from the university that I attend for the Game Boy Advance. I popped in the game in excitement, got halfway through the first world...and then stopped.

In truth, I don’t even remember why I stopped playing it. After all, it’s a fun game, if not a little challenging, and it’s one that I can easily play for hours without getting bored. Sadly, I just haven’t been able to finish it. It’s been sitting in my Game Boy Advance game pouch now since January, the file I’m playing still stuck on World 1-4. I guess I’ve just been busy playing games like Pokémon Silver and Pokémon Emerald since then that I just...can’t get myself to sit down and play that masterpiece of a game.

Yeah...I guess that’s it, really! *Sigh* DJGrandPa will be very displeased when he reads this...

Exhibit D-Pokémon Rumble

Where I’m currently at: EX Battle Royale, 2-1.

Reason: Now, I know what many of you are probably thinking right now: I thought you liked this game! Well, I still do! Even though I’ve acknowledged that the game’s not for everyone, nevertheless I can appreciate its charm and originality. It’s a simple game, not much going for it in comparison to the main games in the franchise, but I like the gameplay mechanics despite how basic the game really is. Unfortunately, there’s one thing holding me back from actually completing it: EX Battle Royale.

As I mentioned in the review I wrote back in December, I’m aware that this game, for the most part, is nothing more then a timed button-masher. However, the final boss stages of each level require real skill to beat. They involve timing your attacks, as well as using the rock-paper-scissors formula of the main games in order to be victorious. And while the regular Battle Stadium levels replenish the health of your fainted Pokémon once you win, EX Battle Royale doesn’t. As such, your Pokémon remain with the same amount of health that they had in the previous sub-round, unless you either: a. Clear a sub-round. b. Get a game over. Since I have enough trouble as it is clearing a single sub-round as it is, I guess I just found the game getting to be too difficult and just stopped playing altogether.

I know, I know: I suck. But hey, at least I know when to call it quits (unlike some people! ) It’s possible that I might go back to the game in the future, but right now I’d rather just break from it all and play something easier like Pokémon Snap...

Exhibit E-Star Wars Battlefront II (Windows)

Where I’m currently at: Polis Massa: Birth of the Rebellion.

Reason: As much as it’s a shocker that I even have this game, it just goes to show how nerdy I can be at times. I got this game as a Chanukah present back in 2005, which was right around the time that it came out. I was a little disappointed that it never released for the Gamecube, but, then again, that was only because I didn’t realize that the Gamecube’s third-party support was never that great. The game was fun, perhaps more fun than some of my Gamecube games, and-despite being incredibly difficult at times to the point of having to look up what it was that I had to do next-I got my money’s worth with the game. After all, being the Star Wars nerd that I was at the time, it was a perfect fit for me, one that’d last me a while.

Sadly, I only got halfway before tragedy struck. I don’t know exactly what it was that caused it to happen, but my disc acquired a major scratch that that screwed over any of the gameplay that dealt with the rebellion. Not only could I not play the second-half of the campaign, but I also lost out on all of the multiplayer maps that dealt with the Rebel Alliance. For a 16 year-old kid who rarely got new games, it was frustrating. I tried whatever I could think of to fix it, even going as far as buying CD-buffer in an attempt to remove the scratch, but nothing worked. In the end, I was left with a half-broken disc that my crappy Dell laptop had screwed over and the ironic realization that my general dislike for The Original Trilogy had now been transferred to a broken video game disc. Life sucks, doesn’t it?

So that’s my story with this game. It was incredibly frustrating for me to have wasted my money like that, and it makes me all the more satisfied that I now use a Mac instead of that crappy Dell laptop. It’s possible that I might repurchase this game now that there’s a Mac port, however-considering that I rarely use computers for gaming anymore, and that my last computer game purchase was crap-the odds of that happening are still very slim at the moment.

****************************

Well, there you have it! 5 games I haven’t finished! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

“Captain Raccoon to the rescue!” *Flies off*

Whitly's New Super Mario Bros. Wii Review

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 09:21:49 -0400

(Some music to introduce, perhaps?)

“Congratulations, you’ve just been Mari-Rolled!”

Hey g1s! Whitly here! You know how, for the last few months, I’ve mentioned my interest in playing New Super Mario Bros. Wii? *Crickets chirping* Well, I purchased it fairly recently. It took me about 10 days, but I’ve finally beaten it...with the help of my younger brother, of course! As a celebration of completing it-even though I’ve yet to clear it 100%-I’ve decided to review the game for all of you. So, is it any good? Well, let’s find out!

“It’sa-mea, on the Wii-a!”

Story:

The story is, in one word, lame. Basic premise:

Mario, Luigi and two Toads are invited to Princess Peach’s birthday party. As it turns out, Peach had ordered a massive birthday cake. Unbeknownst to everyone there, the cake has a dark secret. No sooner does it arrive, when out pops Bowser Jr. and the 7 Koopa Kids. They enclose Peach in the cake and run off. Mario, Luigi and the two Toads chase after them and the story begins.

Let me guess: Ridiculous, isn’t it? Hey, it’s a Mario game! When has the story in a Mario game ever been good? I’m waiting...never, huh? Well, if you still don’t believe me, perhaps watching this video will help clear things up:

0_0 *Gasp* THE CAKE IS A LIE!

Yeah...>_> moving on!

Gameplay:

This game, just like its DS prequel, is a semi-retro sidescroller. This means that it has the classic 2D feel to it, all the while adding in some modern touches to it. Your basic objective is to travel through the 8 worlds, beat the mini-bosses and bosses and attempt to rescue Princess Peach from the clutches of Bowser. However, the modern twists add for a unique appeal and manage to keep it original. The game consists of two parts:

The overworld board-map.

The in-level gameplay.

The overworld is a basic, 2D-style plain that allows you to travel to the various levels. For those who have yet to play this game (i.e. all 3 of you,) why don’t I explain to you all of the important parts of the overworld (levels aside):

Red Mushroom Hut-A matching game that can gain you power-ups, just as long as you don’t match 2 Boswer or Bowser Jr. tiles! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Green Mushroom Hut-Wanna get extra lives? All you have to do is shoot out of a canon and pop a bunch of numbered balloons. Yay!

Yellow Mushroom Hut-Gives you an invincibility star. Great for avoiding enemy encounters (see below) and helping you briefly during levels.

Enemy Encounter-Each world has one of these mofos. Should you bump into them, you’re pitted off against them in an attempt to collect 8 Toad bubbles within a time limit and without dying. Success forms a chest, and that chest gives you three Shrooms to use in-game.

Miniboss Castle-Your halfway point in the game, as well as being the only way to really save your progress. It’s here that you face-off at the end of the level against the main Koopa Kid of that world for the second-last time.

Boo Mansion-A level where you’re in a mansion with Boos. Only select worlds have them. Not a save point.

Canon-These act like warps to different levels, but I haven't unlocked them yet.

Switch-Found only in World 3, this switch makes a certain path in one level appear. Other than that, it’s pretty much useless!

Boss Castle-The last level in each world. This is where you face the main Koopa Kid of that world for the last time. Doing so earns you a key to the next world, as well as another save point.

Bowser Jr. Airship-There are only three of these, and they appear after completing select worlds. They’re reminiscent of the airships from Super Mario Bros. 3, and they serve as save points if you beat boss in each one (i.e. Bowser Jr.)

On the other hand, you have the in-game levels. In a way, the levels encompass the very best of the 2D Mario games that came before it. In order to help the 3 people who haven’t already played it, I’ve numbered the various elements of the following picture (even those that everyone already knows about) and broken them down individually:

“It’s a ‘Two-for-One’ special!”

1. Player 1 (Mario)-Self-explanatory.

2. Lives-Self-explanatory.

3. Coins collected-100 of these give you an extra life. Enough said!

4. Star Coins collected-Shows how many Star Coins you’ve collected in each level, the max being three. Unlike in the DS game, if you get to the halfway flag and die you’ll retain any Star Coins you had once you touched the flag.

5. Item boxes-Self-explanatory.

6. Brick boxes-Self-explanatory.

7. Stand-alone flowers-Sometimes contain coins if you shake the Wiimote near them.

8. Warp pipe-Accesses secret areas.

9. Enemy(ies)-Self-explanatory.

10. Coins-Self-explanatory.

11. Score-Self-explanatory.

12. Time remaining-Self-explanatory.

13. Star Coins-Special coins found in each level. Collecting all of them is the only way to beat the game 100%, and they unlock a special world once you do!

14. Motion controlled platform-Select platforms that work via tilting the Wiimote in a specific direction. They can get to be a little tedious due to how sensitive they are, but it’s nothing major!

15. Additional players-Shows players 2-4 should more people decide to join in on the fun.

(Not shown: 16. Halfway flags-serve as halfway points, as well as free Shrooms if your character is small.)

But perhaps one of the best parts about this game is its power-ups. Aside from the traditional ones (Shrooms, Starmen, Fire Flowers) and the Mini Shrooms from the DS game, there are also Penguin Suits (which let you slide on ice and freeze enemies,) Ice Flowers (which let you freeze enemies to be picked up or butt-stomped) and Propeller Hats (which allow you hover in the air via a shake of the Wiimote.) Additionally, Nintendo has allowed gamers to access Yoshi (you heard me correctly!) as an in-level character, although it’s a little disappointing that he’s only available in select areas. There’s also the disappointment of not having the Mega Shroom and Turtle Shell return in this game, but the game has enough to offer that it’s not so bad.

One of the key features that sets New Super Mario Bros. Wii apart from the DS prequel is the increased difficulty. I know that everyone who’s played this game is already divided on this, but I’d actually consider this somewhat difficult. It could just be that I’m God-awful at this game, but I had to use 26 Continues before I managed to beat it. Additionally, my younger brother, who helped me out with 60% of the game, had to use 13 Continues. It’s not as hard a game as many classics, but I still found it relatively difficult! In that sense, I’m glad that Nintendo included the die-7-times-in-a-level-and-you-get-to-access-the-Super-Guide feature, although I never ended up needing it (even though I came close twice.) The increase in difficulty will be a welcome change for some, though, as DS game was faulted for being a little bit easy (even though I didn’t really find that!)

One of the prominent features in this game is its multiplayer component. On its own, New Super Mario Bros. Wii is only a good entry in the Mario franchise. That was one of the problems I had with the original game: fun, but could’ve been much more. As a multiplayer game, however, New Super Mario Bros. Wii is excellent. Not only do you have the option of working together as a team (which is what I did with my brother,) but Nintendo has now finally given you an excuse to be an absolute douchebag to your friends. This includes jumping on other characters, punching other characters off of platforms, shoving other characters off ledges...the list goes on. It’s a good stress-reliever, and it’s even better for those who are more...aggressive, so to speak. And with the ability to challenge other players in various offline multiplayer modes (screw online,) this ends up being the kind of game you’ll be coming back to for a long time!

Bottom line: absolutely solid gameplay!

Controls:

The controls in this game, for the most part, are well implemented. In a level, turning your Wiimote on its side, the D-Pad moves your character, pressing 2 makes you jump and the A button turns you or an item into a bubble. The 1 button activates your weapon, while the use of the 1 button in conjunction with the left or right D-Pad allows you to run and with the down D-Pad allows you to ground pound. Gently shaking the Wiimote enables you to spin in the air, while gently shaking the Wiimote and pressing 1 near an item that can be carried enables you to lift it. In the overworld, pressing A on a location (be it a level of Toad hut) enables you to access it, while pressing 1 in the overworld brings up your items, which can be selected with the D-Pad and activated with A. It’s pretty basic, but it demonstrates to all yet again that you don’t need to exaggerate and exploit the Wiimote in order to have a good experience on the Wii.

Yes it is, Pinocchio…yes it is…it’s also my lamest and most overused Wii joke ever!

Sadly, the controls aren’t 100% perfect. Aside from them being slightly confusing at first, there are also some minor issues with the motion aspects in certain puzzles. Now, I’m not one to normally despise motion controls. I actually think that they’re awesome, believe it or not. I’ve defended them on several occasions, and the more rigorous implementations of them in titles like Wii Sports and Wii Fit have somehow managed to improve my coordination and arm strength. So it’d seem a little strange to be criticizing them right now, but I have to do so. They’re not terrible in this game, but I found them to be a little...over-sensitive. It’s not a major gripe, but I found that I sometimes leaped to my death by accident while trying to tilt the controller forward, or titled a little too far to the left or right unintentionally and crashed into an enemy/hazard.

But overall, though, the controls work just fine!

Presentation:

Visually, the game looks excellent. Despite being a Wii game, the 2.5D visuals shine through and demonstrate yet again that “technical specs and high-res images do not a good-looking game make.”* As well, the highly detailed backgrounds in game are well fleshed-out, even being very lively at times. I mean, how can you call this

this

and...um, this

crap? It doesn’t make sense! The few in-game cutscenes are also nice, but they can get a little repetitive at times. It’s not terrible, but a little more variety would’ve been nice! Alas, all you end up with is the following repeated 7 times:

Cop-out begins at 3:04. (It was the best I could find. Courtesy of SpongeFreakX.)

Gee, Nintendo sure are crafty, aren’t they? It would’ve been nice if they’d given us some more variety, no? Speaking of which, why even include cutscenes to begin with? The original game only had two, one at the beginning and one at the end, yet it managed without them. Having them here when the message being portrayed could’ve easily worked as in-game clips just seems...unnecessary. Regardless of the ridiculous nature of the repetitive cutscenes, I guess they’re still nice to have. Besides, they serve as nice little fillers for you to rest your numb hands after a boss fight, so they’re not really that bad!

Anyway, moving on!

*(Adapted from a famous quote by Aristotle.)

Music:

The music scores in this game are very well done. You can kinda tell that Nintendo opted for the bare-minimum when it comes to the quality of tracks, but in the end it still works due to the retro feel blending well with the game. On one level, it does scream cop-out to have such basic tunes, but what they lack in production value they make up for in style. It’s almost like this game was made 10 years ago, and with the way that the tunes are laid out in the game, I’m not surprised! After all, you can’t go wrong with tunes like these:

1. Overworld 1

2. Koopa Kid Battle 1

3. Athletic

4. World 3: Penguin Playground

5. Underwater

Chew on that, PS3 and 360 fanboys! (Sorry about that, I just had to get it out of my system.) On top of those wonderful originals, we also get some nicely remixed classic tunes. These include tunes such as Bowser Junior’s Airship Armada:

The frantic-paced Enemy Battle:

And the compulsory I-can’t-believe-it-this-is-so-overused-to-the-point-of-being-redundant Underground:

And this is all while seeming a little low-key, considering what the Wii is capable of. There are points when they sound a little rough, and they do get somewhat repetitive after a while, but with all these renditions and more, I think it’s safe to say that this game’s got some good tunes, no?

Replay Value:

This is a tough call for me to make. Not tough as in, “it’s only there for certain people,” but rather tough as in, “it’s there, but how much there is depends on what you’re going into this game for.” If you’re going into New Super Mario Bros. Wii as a solo game, I’d say that you’ll probably find yourself only going back to this game 3 or 4 times before it gets old. The game has that pull factor that replayable games need, and collecting all of the Star Coins is definitely an incentive for less-experienced gamers to go back, but other than that there’s not much to be had with this game beyond the 4th playthrough. If you’re buying this solely as a single-player game that’ll last you a while, it'll be an issue for you.

On the other hand, if you’re buying this game for its multiplayer component, I’d say that you’ve struck the jackpot with this one. The game provides a greater opportunity as a party game, as there’s really so much you can do with it. You can play co-operatively, or competitively, and that adds extra value to an already excellent title. It does make the game slightly easier when playing it with friends, but considering that it still took me 10 days to beat this game with my brother’s help I don’t think it’d be too big an issue for you! In fact, it’s an even better game this way!

So, in a nutshell, does this game have replay value? Yes!

Conclusion:

New Super Mario Bros. Wii is a fantastic game that far outshines its prequel in just about every way. Sure, the controls take a little adjusting to get used to, the music seems a little bit like it was composed on a tight budget and it’s not as great by yourself, but in the end it rightfully earns its place in the Hall of Mario. And despite its high price point of $60, it’s an absolute must-have for any Wii-owner with a couple of good friends at his/her disposal.

Final Scores:

Story-2/10 (F)-It’s terrible, even by Nintendo standards! Nothing more needs to be said here!

Gameplay-10/10 (A+)-Spot on, especially with a friend! This is a game that’ll satisfy you from beginning to end!

Controls-9/10 (A-)-They’re a little over-sensitive and can be tricky to adjust to, but at the end of the day they still work. This is one game you’d be a fool to say is broken!

Presentation-10/10 (A+)-Despite being a 2.5D game, the visuals are excellent. Take that, Wii-haters!

Music-9/10 (A-)-A little basic and repetitive, but still solid nonetheless. Plus, the tunes are catchy. What more could you ask for?

Replay Value-9.5/10 (A)-As a solo game, it’s a little limited. As a party game, however, it’s endless. Your choice, though!

Final Score: 9.5/10 (A) (Not an Average)-A solid entry to the Wii’s library. It has slight issues in the music and control departments, but it’s worth its $60 price tag. After all, it’sa friggin’ Mario!

Well, that’s it for me! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

“Captain Raccoon to the Rescue!” *Flies off*

Whitly Presents: 5 Suggestions for Improving Gen 5 of Pokémon

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:12:17 -0500

Poké Floats – Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Hey g1s! Whitly here! Before we begin, I’d just like to thank everyone for welcoming me back with open arms. This all goes to show how awesome an online community is when they accept you back after committing a ban-worthy offense. Much appreciated, everyone!

Anyway, today I’d like to do something I’ve meaning to do for a while now. As we already know, Gen 5 of Pokémon has just recently been announced:

Aw, so cute!

Um…a little creepy, don’t you think?

While not much is known yet about the actual game, it’s safe to already assume that we’ll be getting a fully-fledged entry in the franchise sometime in the near future. For those of you who already know that I’m a big Pokémon fan, you should’ve predicted by now that I’d have something to say on this matter. Well, truth be told, I do! Quite a bit, actually! Therefore, I’ve decided to give 5 suggestions for Game Freak to make the next generation of Pokémon games remain refresh. However, I’d also like to note that I’m only doing this as a “casual fan” of the series, so don’t expect me to discuss the sophistimicated aspects of the franchise like EV’s, IV’s and the like. But enough chit-chat, let’s get started!

5 Ways to Improve Generation 5 of Pokémon:

Gotta catch ‘em all!

1. Shrink Down/Cap the Pokémon Roster:

“Too many Pokémon! AHHHHHHHHHHH!”

We start this list off with a rather generic suggestion, so to speak. In actuality, I know that I’m not alone on this one. As we all know by now, there are 493 types of Pokémon to date. While this wouldn’t be so bad if they were real, keep in mind that this is coming from a relatively-young video game franchise (relative as in “young for Nintendo standards.”) Considering that there were only 151 types of Pokémon when the franchise began a little over a decade ago, it seems to me like it’s a little bit overkill to have had the number swell by over 150% since then.

Now, chances are that I’m just a little bit biased; after all, I grew up with the original games as a kid, and I stuck to them for almost a decade. That being said, the roster of Pokémon was small enough back then for me to remember it. You could technically argue that the next generation brought with it a reasonable amount of new Pokémon, but even with that I’d say it’s pushing it. It’s not that I have anything wrong with the newer Pokémon, (I really like Chimchar and his evolutionary stages) but at the rate that the series is going I have almost no time to adjust to the current generation of Pokémon before it updates again. Also, many Pokémon have been given specific clauses for how to catch them, thus turning a brilliant concept into a series of annoying achievements that only serve as a way of making the games longer than they need to be. Factor in the fact that we get new entries/remakes in the main series every 2 years now, and...I’d rather not go there.

So please...pretty please...simplify the roster. I promise you that doing that won’t destroy what makes these games so fun; after all, it sure beats increasing it and making it an absolute chore to continue playing!

2. Increase the Move Roster From 4 to 5:

“I wanna learn a new move, dammit!”

This is one that I've wanted for a while now. While I can understand that having a limit for moves stems from limitations, at the same time I don’t buy it anymore. Yes, it may have only been possible for a Pokémon to hold 4 moves when the series first started, but keep in mind that was almost 15 years ago! The days of the black-and-white Game Boy are long gone. Handheld technology has progressed rapidly since then, and we’re now able to use them for touch-screen features, store classic games and go online. That’s something handhelds couldn’t do back then either, but they can do it now. So to state that it’s still an issue of limitations is, to put it bluntly, bullsh*t.

But an additional problem stems from not updating the capacity for holding moves. In order to understand what I mean, let’s say you want to level up your Pokémon. For purposes of this exercise, we’ll use Psyduck as an example. As everyone should know by now, Psyduck learns a plethora of new moves as he/she levels up. In the early stages, it’s not really that much of a problem, as Psyduck doesn’t come with 4 moves automatically built in. Even during the initial deletions of some moves, it’s alright because some moves aren’t so great to begin with. The problem comes into play once you’re forced to exchange good moves for other good moves. While you can check to see the description/effectiveness of moves these days, nevertheless it becomes an issue once you’re dealing with HM’s/moves that are just as good-if not better-than the ones you already have.

Now, I’m not advocating for increasing the move set roster to some ridiculous number such as 12. Not only is that pushing it, but it detracts from the challenge of having to prioritize and decide which moves are of the utmost importance at any given time; therefore, I suggest a realistic number like 5. Not only will that ease the burden on the player somewhat, but it also won’t detract entirely from the element of challenge/prioritization and, thus, not ruin the fun entirely.

3. Add an Extra Save File:

One of my many issues with this franchise, however minor they may be…

Yeah...this is one that I’ve also wanted for a while now. There are many gripes I have with the Pokémon games, but the one that should’ve been long gone by now is this one. Seriously, not having the option of more than one save file is ridiculous. It may have been a legit excuse to only have one save file when the franchise first started...but that was almost 15 years ago! Honestly, just like with the moves issue, it’s a restriction that’s no longer acceptable given the easing up of limitations that occurred as technology advanced. Having one save file would’ve been okay if it were still the 90’s, but it isn’t anymore. If the Mario and Luigi series can have multiple files even on the Game Boy Advance, then so can this franchise!

Just like with the previous entry, allow me to bring this down to a practical level for all of you. Let’s say that you and your brother/sister are big Pokémon fans. Whenever you buy a new entry in the series, you both want to be able to experience the game for yourselves. Unfortunately, you’re restricted by there only being one save file. As a result, the two of you are forced to either share the game file, not save or figure out who plays it first and then restart it once that person is done. In the words of the AVGN: “That’s bullsh*t!”

This is one of those suggestions where I have to be realistic again. However, I’d still say that having 2 save files really wouldn’t be such a bad idea; after all, the Pokémon games are massive considering the limitations of their respective handhelds, so having more than 2 save files might be too many to handle. (Then again, I wouldn’t know, as I’m not a programmer.) In this way, you have more room for flexibility, thus creating more happy campers in the long run.

4. Include a Map Directly On the Screen At All Times:

Would you believe me if I told you that I actually got lost here?

Alright, I know that I’ll be getting some crap from people about it, so I guess I’ll have to cover my a** with this one. I’m aware that you can access a map of the region via the Start button, but it's not really enough. Also, I’m not talking about including a map. Rather, I’m referring to placing the map in a visible corner of the screen at all times. The reason why I’m suggesting this is because it’s becoming increasingly easier to get lost in the Pokémon games.

Allow me to explain. You see, back when the original games came out in the mid-90’s, they were small. There weren’t a lot of cities/towns that you had to travel to, and there weren’t so many extra paths for you to take. Because of this, having a map in plain view wasn’t really all that necessary. Unfortunately, as time went on and the games became more elaborate, a lot of extra routes began to appear. As such, the odds of getting lost increased. I think I first began to consider this a problem when it took me a half-hour to get to the eastern part of Hoenn in Pokémon Emerald because I kept getting confused and travelling in circles (even while looking at the map in the main menu.) I know that sounds lame, but I’m terrible with directions! Factor in the terrible design of the cavern where you find Kyogre, as well as how massive the water sections are, and it can be somewhat discomforting to a little kid at times.

Now, it’s possible that I’m alone on this one; after all, I’m terrible at video games in general! Nevertheless, I really do think that having the map in plain view is a good idea. Heck, if it helps to make the game more enjoyable overall, then I’m for it!

5. Reduce the Number of Clauses

*Sigh* We all know what happens next, don’t we?

Chances are that you probably won’t understand this one, so allow me to explain it to everyone. You know how, with some Pokémon, you have to fulfill certain objectives in order to capture them? Yeah, I’m referring to those clauses. On a basic level, having those clauses extends game time and/or replay value, as it enables a greater experience overall. Unfortunately, these clauses can also make the game longer than it needs to be.

Back in the early days, when the Pokémon franchise was still fairly new, there wasn’t very much to them other than the main quests. Since the Pokémon games are both relatively short and easy for RPGs, there needed to be a way to extend the experience, increase the challenge and better justify the purchase. The way this was done was by introducing clauses, or specific objectives necessary for capturing certain Pokémon. These involved trading with other versions, trading Pokémon in general, beating the Elite Four, etc. But since the roster of Pokémon wasn’t as big as it is today, having these clauses wasn’t such a big deal.

It could just be me, but I find that the problem with Pokémon games these days is that there are a crap-ton more Pokémon today then there were back then. As it currently stands, there are 493 different species of Pokémon in the franchise. As such, having all of these clauses can be tedious. It’s not that the clauses are bad per se, but when so many of them exist in a series meant for kids, it distorts the simplicity of the franchise and makes the enjoyment of the games much more difficult in the long run. This is especially considering that some of them are time-based, (such as obtaining Jirachi) while others are incredibly difficult to fulfill due to them involving using older entries in the franchise that have become obsolete (obtaining Mewtwo or Celebi.) Therefore, due to the difficulties involved, by cutting down on the number of overall clauses, you end up with a more enjoyable game that doesn’t feel dragged on as much.

***************

Okay, it looks like I’ve covered everything I want to cover here for the

Whitly's Infamous 7: HTML Tags (Say What?!)

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 15:02:14 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! Firstly, I’d like to thank everyone for voting me Best Reviewer in Moocartoon’s unofficial awards. I would’ve accepted sooner, but I was banned for month. However, I’m aware that my subscribers are waiting for something to read from me. Therefore, in order to make up for my absence, I’ve decided to make this next little blog a tribute to a dying friend:

I AM ERROR!

Oh coding: I remember you so. It seems like only yesterday that you were still the only option for formatting blogs on Screwattack. These days, with the methods presented to you on 4.0, it seems as though the numbers of coding puritans are quickly diminishing. Since I’m probably one of the few V3 vets who still uses HTML for blogs, I figured what better way to honour a dying friend than with…

…

wait for it

…

wait for it

…

WAIT FOR IT

…

another Infamous 7!!!

Ah, don’t worry: I’ll try to make this one shorter than my 100th. After all, coding was never really all that elaborate, just incredibly time consuming. For those who had to put up with the strenuous task of formatting blogs back on V3, I’m sure you’ll understand most of what I’m about to say perfectly. For those who are still new to Screwattack, just plop a chair down, put on your reading glasses and pay attention to what I’m about to say; after all, you might learn something new! I mean, like this pic says:

Heheheh, so silly!

Okay, enough with the chit chat! Let’s just get started with this, shall we?

HIT THE MUSIC!

Flat Zone 2 – Super Smash Bros. Brawl

The Perfect One

Italics

“Hail to the king, baby!” The king of the coding world, italics make up the essence of what it means to blog. When I first started blogging on V3, I found myself using a lot of CAPS words in order to stress emphasis on something. While this was certainly useful for my Facebook notes, on Screwattack it just didn’t seem…um…professional enough. (Yeah, that’s it!) True, it worked well given that I initially wrote easy-to-read blogs, but after a while it started to feel somewhat…um…bland. (What is it with me and struggling to find words today?) Since my stuff was starting to get bland, I figured that I’d need to find a way to spice things up and keep them fresh.

That was when I discovered the epicness that’s italics.

I can’t help myself. It’s just that <*em><*/em> is the tag ***** of the HTML world, always making sure to assert its significance in each of my blogs. Ever since my fourth blog, I’ve been spamming the crap out of the <*em><*/em> tag. I use it to stress importance. I use it to stress crucial details. I even use it to signify key words, phrases or sentences. In fact, I use it so often, it kinda makes me want to sing:

“When you wanna stress a word, EMPHASIZE IT!

When you wanna stress a point, EMPHASIZE IT!

To toughen up a phrase, JUST EMPHASIZE IT!

To give a blog pizzazz, JUST EMPHASIZE IT!

Just do it! Emphasize! Italicize! It’s not too hard! Just do it! Type those keys!”

Okay, I think I’ve scarred you enough as it is for now with my corny songs! I guess what I’m saying is that using italics make your work 100% sexier than it already is; heck, I don’t even have to tell you that! Just by including a single word that’s emphasized, my work automatically becomes that much more awesome! Why else do you think that people can follow along with my monstrous blogs? And you thought it was because I’m an engaging writer, didn’t you? Nope, it’s because of the italics! ALL HAIL THE ITALICS, BABY! ALL HAIL THE KING OF CODING TAGS! *Bows down*

The Close Contender

Bolding

Poor bold! It seems as though this little sucker must constantly lag behind italics in popularity. It’s really a shame, as bold is equally as awesome as italics in its own way. While italics make your blog sexier, bolding, which is activated via the insertion of <*strong><*/strong> into your blog, helps to make your blog more manly. While this isn’t a necessity, I find that bolding works best when used in conjunction with…

…

…

…PICTURES! Like this one, for example:

Hmm…yeah, I’d tap that!

See what I mean? Just by including bolding underneath the above picture, I’ve automatically caused this blog to become more masculine in nature. This is because bolding is strong, just like how real men are strong (that is, assuming that they’re real men and go to gym regularly. Seriously, steroids? Pfft! That’s just lame!)

Anyway, since pictures and bolding make for manlier blogs when used in conjunction, it’s only logical to assume that you’d always use them together! Sadly, this isn’t necessarily the case. It seems that far too often are there instances where pictures and bolding aren’t used in conjunction with one another. To this, I simply ask the following: why are you not many enough to join images and bold text together in holy matrimony? Is it because you’re afraid of the awesomeness of the <*strong><*/strong> tag? And why must you resist it? We all know by now that bolding is a sign of the domination of male testosterone, so trying to resist it is futile. You disagree? Well then…

Strong this! And that! And then some more of that! Have at you, I say! HAVE AT YOU!

Well then, now do you accept the glory that is bolding and pictures together? You do? Good! Then it’s as I’ve expected from you. Carry on!

The Honourable Mention

Vid Players

When it comes to coding, Vid players are like public speakers of the HTML world: efficient, sexy and get the job done in ways you NEVER thought possible. They’re fast, simple codes that can easily be obtained from their sources. All it requires is a little-known technique I like to call…drum roll please…………copy and paste. Basically, all you have to do is find the embedded code from the source material, click on it, copy it and paste it into a blog. It can be pasted directly into a blog, or just into a blank document in Word. Granted, it’s not as interesting to watch in Word, but that’s because a bunch of boring dicks with nothing better to do with their spare time than make you stare at a blank code all day invented Word. >_>

Anyway, one of the cool things about the Vid player code is that you can tinker with its size. What this means is that you can rearrange the code to make the final result different sizes. For example, let’s say that I’m writing a blog that has very little text. When I say very little, I really do mean very little. Anyway, if my blog is mainly about my video, chances are that I’ll want something large. As such, you’d copy the code, paste it into the blog and end up with something like this:

Yeah, what he said!

Alternatively, if I’m writing a blog that’s mostly text, you can opt for a smaller-sized vid. Like this:

Once again, what he said!

However, if you really only want the sound file, just change the dimensions to 225 by 25 and you’ll get this:

SHOOP-DA-WOOP!

There are also other things you can do, like make the vid play automatically (&autoplay=1) or change the borders and colour of the player (YouTube only, I think!) but it’s a nice code. It’s simple, easy to use, requires minimal-effort to equip and is just…convenient. Unfortunately, it can be exploited and won’t increase the quality of a crappy blog, but it’s at least good enough to receive an honourable mention!

The ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Tag

Hyperlinking

Oh Hyperlinking…how you help me and annoy me so! On a basic level, Hyperlinking is the Interwebtual version of bridges, as both manage to connect object X to object Y in a neat and organized manner. For bridges, the connection is of physical properties such as two cities. With Hyperlinking, it’s a connection of intellectual properties such as previous/source materials that are either mentioned or referenced in your works. That being said, Hyperlinking is so awesomesaucetacularific that it ends up falling flat on its face in many ways.

But that’s not to say that Hyperlinking doesn’t do any good-far from it, actually. On a basic level, Hyperlinking is neat, organized and fun to use. It also enables you to mention material briefly for the sake of getting further information that’s not needed in the actual work. Nevertheless, it’s tedious to use at times. It doesn’t always work, and it can lead you to tricky end results that…um…well…show this to you:

WTF?!?! U STOOOPID MASHEEN!!1!1!

But what sucks most about this code is that, despite all of its other problems, Hyperlinking also somehow manages to be incompatible with Word. Yeah, you heard me correctly with that! Hyperlinking can somehow manage to work just fine with online programs and many offline ones as well, but if even part of it was written in Word it becomes corrupted and turns into a dead link in its final form. Like, what the crap, man?! THE PERSON WHO DESIGNED HYPERLINKING TO BE INCOMPATIBLE WITH WORD NEEDS TO BE SHOT!!!!

Such is the nature of Hyperlinking: you can’t program with it, and you can’t program without it. It’s quite frustrating, really! Nevertheless, it’s still a useful code. It’s just a shame that it’s such an annoying one as well. *Sigh* Oh well! Maybe next time!

The Underrated One

Centering

Ah yes! How can I forget thee, O’ centering? That’s right, I can’t! Centering is one of those things that I should probably do more often. The reason why I don’t use it anymore is a different story, but allow me to now go into a bit more depth over why centering is so inherently awesome:

The first thing I’d like to mention about centering is that it’s pretty much self-explanatory. Simply put, centering enables you to align your preferred subject in a way that makes it look neat and organized. This means that said item will appear directly in the middle of the page. Now, this item can be anything from a picture, to text, to even a video. It’s clean, it’s neat and it’s organized, all of which are major advantages to using it. Plus, it makes your blog not look like crap. Sweet!

In other words: it organizes your stupid crap, crackpot! Can I be any less blunt than that? Sadly, centering never got the recognition it deserved. This is due to it not being mandatory when you blog. When you type out your shtick for the masses to see, you’re not obligated the centre your text. Yes, it ends up looking a little nicer, but you can get along fine without it! ‘Tis a real shame too, as centering has plenty to offer that goes to waste because of that. *Sad face*

Why don’t I use more often, you ask? Well, I used to use it regularly, but I stopped once tragedy struck:

*Gasp* (Cue lightening.)

Yes, 4.0 has put a hefty strain on the centering code since it launched in November. Back in 3.0, centering was basically accomplished via a straightforward code. There were no frills, no hassles, none of that crap. Just a pure, simple code that, while only functional via the site itself (and it loses some awesome points because of that,) worked well and was guaranteed success. Unfortunately, 4.0 had to go and mess that up by adding an extra word to the tag. Uch! If I’m busy spending 300000000000000000000000+ hours making my blogs look exactly the way I want them to, then why must I spend an extra second including a stupid word just so I can access a neat-looking code? Screw that, I’mma go watch some more cyber-pr0nz instead!

The ‘Black-Sheep’

Text Boxes

??? What kind of code is this?!? Okay people, calm down! Before we get all hyper and antsy-in-our-pantsy, allow me to state that this wasn’t my original choice. No, that’d belong to bullets. But since bullets are pretty much boring, niche and, um…boring, I figured that I’d be better off discussing something most of you have never heard of. Behold, the infamous text box:

[Insert text here.]

Weird, huh? I first encountered this code during a session of experimentation with the blogs section of V3. Long story short, I was fooling around with the tags and hitting the Preview button in hopes of seeing whether or not I’d discovered a new code. I did this for about an hour with no results, until I decided to try an interesting code that went by <*insert><*/insert>. Upon hitting Preview, I was amazed to discover a text box. Pleased with myself, I sent a PM to g1 Silent_Protagonist and attached the code.

A short while later, I discovered a second code and sent a follow-up PM. (The code was <*param><*/param>, I believe, but I could be wrong!) Within a short while, I received a response from Silent_Protagonist. As expected, he was quite pleased. So pleased, in fact, that he even decided to play a game with me via PMs. What kind of game, you ask? Well, none other than…

MAD-LIBS!!!!!

Everybody’s [adjective]!

As it turns out, the two codes could work in tandem in order to create that wacky game we all like. For a little while, Silent_Protagonist and I were busy exchanging information back-and-forth about these codes. As it turns out, he was even willing to add the codes to his HTML Tutorial on the condition that I first use it in a blog. I was excited, and I began planning out the blog right away. Unfortunately, my plans were cut short by the launch of 4.0.

…DAMMIT!

Sadly, my plan to take over the world-I mean, play Mad-Libs never got off the ground. However, it was still worth a shot! After all, it’s friggin’ Mad-Libs! As of right now, this beautiful code has been made obsolete. Nevertheless, this code becomes the black sheep for being the little code that almost could. And you know something? I wouldn’t have it any other way! YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!

The One to Avoid

Hotlinking

*Shudder* I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to talk about this one. Heck, I’ve been dreading writing about it since I started this project. Wait, no! I’ve been dreading writing about it since before I started this project! It’s that bad! Worse than that dreadful term that somehow associates Hitler’s minions with obsessive-compulsive spelling fanatics. Even worse than talking smack behind someone’s back. No, this surpasses both of those things in terms of atrocity.

Allow me to explain. You see this?

Pretty!

Say hello to the URL address. *Says hello* A URL address acts as a portal that-depending on what comes after the “.” near the end-ends you up with various results. In this instance, I’m referring to jpg, png and other image URL formats. When you use this image URL directly, what you’re essentially doing is tapping into the image host’s bandwidth space. As a result, you’re using up bandwidth from that source instead of using your own.

This is known as “Hotlinking.” I’d explain why it’s considered a form of stealing, but it wouldn’t do any good. Besides, chances are that you’ve never heard of this before, and that I’m introducing it to you for the first time. And, of course, as soon as I tell you not to do something, you’re more likely to do it anyway! DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNNNN! Therefore, allow me to demonstrate to you what happens with a picture of Princess Zelda in a bikini that I found on the internet:

OMFWTFBBQ! HAXX!!1!!1

See what I mean? Hotlinking can get you into some serious trouble if you’re caught by the man! You always think you’re safe, that the man won’t find you. I should know, I thought that myself for a long time! Sadly, the man found me…on numerous occasions. And it’ll happen to you too if you’re not careful. You know that naughty site, the one filled with those naughty pictures that you try to avoid? Well, let’s just say that you might find a little surprise from that site if you try Hotlinking…

(Note: the above warning was sponsored by the “Don’t Fall Victim to The Man” campaign, which is led by The Image Hosting Association of Photobucket and ImageShack. Seriously, go check out their stuff!)

********************************

Well, that’s about it for me! I hope that you liked this little tribute, however whacky and disjointed it may be, as I definitely enjoyed writing it! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

“Captain Raccoon to the rescue!” *Flies off*

Whitly Conceptualizes ANOTHER Video Game (Now 100% More Original!)

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 13:17:27 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! Before I begin, I’d like to say that, yes, I’m here to stay! Anyway, time for today’s topic. A short while back, I wrote a blog where I laid out concepts for a real-time Pokémon RPG that doubled up as an MMO. I didn’t plan on making a sequel to it when it was first written, but I had a change of heart just recently. As it turns out, people enjoyed the first one a lot, so I figured that I’d give it another shot with something original this time. BEHOLD! I present to you, Dark-Night Symphony:

Oops! Wrong picture. One second…

There we go, MUCH better!

Just in case you decide to exit this blog feeling disgusted and cheated, I strongly urge you to hear me out. This is an idea that I’ve had since halfway through Grade 12, or about 2 years now. You see, it initially began its life as a short novella that I never actually got to finish. About 25% of the way through writing it, I began to wonder what’d happen if I were to somehow turn this novella into a game. Since I’m not an expert in video game design, I’m not entirely sure if it’d really work. That being said, I’ve decided to pitch to all of you the idea anyway. I’d also like to take a minute to warn you that some of the ideas that I present to you could be a little bit disturbing. Should you be unable to handle anything I write, feel free to stop reading this at any time.

Anyway, let’s get started!

Story:

Title Arpeggio – Final Fantasy VI

The story here is far more elaborate than last time! The game takes place in an imaginary world called Magiland. According to legend, Magiland was once ruled by a corrupt tyrant that almost everyone loved. The few who didn’t decided to create an orchestra that’d convince the citizens of Magiland to rebel via the influence of music. Unfortunately, as time went on, this orchestra began to grow increasingly corrupt, such to the point that it began torturing its own members. Seeing the orchestra as a threat, the king called upon his trusted sorcerer, an expert in the realm of dark magic, to dispose of them. Unfortunately for the king, the sorcerer accidentally made a rift in the fabric of time and space, thus causing the people of Magiland to get sucked into this rift and mutate into hideous monsters and the orchestra to become eternal and vow revenge. Shortly after this incident, the king died of grief, the sorcerer sealed away any recollection of this incident and everything was forgotten.

Fast-forward to the year 2520 C.E. The protagonist of this game-a 20 year-old, unemployed, chronic alcoholic/sex addict named Jeremy-lives alone with his 19 year-old sister Era, whom he has a rather uncomfortable fancy for. Finding her older brother’s mannerisms to be disturbing, Era hires a sexy, 6’2”, female therapist by the name of Dr. Orga Ghazhymn to prep him for the dating scene. Unfortunately for Era, Dr. Ghazhymn has other plans. After a session that ends up getting a little too personal, Dr. Ghazhymn kidnaps Era while she’s sleeping and leaves behind an unusual vial in her bathrobe. Upon rushing into her room to save her, the vial slips out of the bathrobe and breaks open. Jeremy then inhales some of the fumes that emanate from the broken vial and passes out.

A short while later, Jeremy awakes to find himself as a wolf in the middle of an enchanted forest. It’s at this very moment that he begins to hear an orchestrated melody in the distance. Jeremy decides to follow the music, until he winds up inside an abandoned mansion, transforms back into a human and sees his sister listening to a demonic orchestra. Jeremy tries and fails to rescue his sister, as the orchestra possesses her body and turns her into a demon. After a quick battle, the demon vanishes. From that point onward, Era’s pleas for help taunt and torture Jeremy in his sleep.

Shortly after the battle, Jeremy sees a stream of light shining in the distance. Following the light, he stumbles upon a village. Upon arriving there, he’s sent via an airship to a port/military city located in a colony in the sky to go search through the Magiland Land History Database, as it’s located in that city’s library. Once Jeremy reads the database, he discovers that he’s been assigned a mission by fate: as it turns out, Dr. Ghazhymn is a descendant of the old sorcerer that transported the corrupt orchestra, known as the Dark-Night Symphony into a rift in time and space. Because she’s a descendant, she has the power to release the Dark-Night Symphony from this rift, and she plans to use Era’s body to do so in order to rule over Magiland forever. And so, entrusted by fate as the legendary Gate Keeper, Jeremy sets out on a journey to stop Dr. Ghazhymn with the help of the following people:

Herra the Pilot

Terry the Captain

Alexa the Pirate-Stewardess

Bryan the Theologian

Maya the Ice-Princess

and a surprise character.

In truth, there’s tons more to say about the incredibly deep story, but it’d take another 4000 words to explain it all. Therefore, I’ll end this section off by saying that the story will have enough allusions, plot twists, irony and suspense to qualify it as epic!

Controls:

Heaven – Custom Robo: Battle Revolution

For those of you who read my previous game idea blog, you should know that I purposely left out a section on controls. This is because I didn’t know which system I wanted that game to be on. This time, however, the Wii seems like a good choice. Aside from the console seriously lacking good ones, I also think that my control ideas will only work effectively on that system. (Unless someone discovers a way to make it work on a different console… )

Anyway, the control mechanics will work in two, totally unique ways, one for the overworld, the other for the combat. With regards to the overworld, I’m thinking along the lines of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess meets Pokémon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald (i.e. very Nintendo-esque.) You basically have the joystick to move, A for talking to someone/reading a sign, C to lock on to something, Z to change the angle of the camera and B to pick up and throw things/climb up ledges. Additionally, holding down 1 and using the joystick will enable you to run, while pressing 2 will enable you temporarily roll on a flat surface. Finally, pressing + will open and – will close your menu screen, during which you can cycle through all your various options via the D-Pad (i.e. Party, Items, Save, etc.) It’s pretty basic, but it works!

The combat controls, on the other hand, are a little trickier. There are the simple aspects (D-Pad to select your moveset, A to utilize an item or attack, etc.) but there are also the quirky ones. They’ll utilize every aspect of what the Wiimote can do. Heck, I’m thinking of things that range from realistic, to lolwut, to even downright ridiculous:

Button mashing? Check.

Simplified waggle? Check.

Using the Wiimote’s internal speakers? Check.

Highlighting the enemies with the analog stick? Check.

Turning the Wiimote on its side? Check.

Timed blocks with the B button? Um…check.

Latching onto enemies by thrusting the Wiimote forward and then reeling them in with the Nunchuk? Wachoosai?!

I think this where I have to use my “I’m No Programmer” card, as I honestly don’t know if my ideas are realistic. I’d like them to be incorporated in some way, but I’m not sure if they will. I’d probably suggest throwing in Wii Motion Plus for better accuracy, but my real concern here is practicality. Will this work? I don’t know for sure, but I’m open to suggestions from everyone!

But enough of that, have at you! (Hehe, I’ve just been waiting to say that!)

Gameplay:

Rival Battle – Pokémon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald

The gameplay in the main story will also be divided up into two parts. I’ll explain each part individually:

Let’s begin with the overworld, shall we? The overworld will be rather similar to the Zelda series. The reason for this, aside from me liking the basic layout of the Zelda series, I also think that it’s the most practical for what I’m trying to present here. Just like Zelda games, you traverse an area, solve puzzles, head to dungeons, you find some weapons in chests…the usual shtick. You’ll even get to converse with other people, although there will be voice-overs as well as text. However, for reasons of making this unique, you’ll be able to alternate party members for certain tasks (i.e. Jeremy turning into wolf in order to solve certain puzzles that require his keen sense of smell, or Alexa being the best at seducing men for certain objectives.) Lastly, I think the game itself will be somewhat linear, as I’m not such a fan of non-linear games due to how confusing they can get. Fortunately, the various decisions that you make throughout the game will influence one of the game’s 7 endings, so there’s still a little bit of the non-linearity left for those who like the ability to choose!

Next, we move onto the battle system. Since I’m a huge fan of the style, the game shall be a turned-based RPG. This includes the essential components of the sub-genre, just with randomly-generated (I hate that term!) battles being replaced with battles that you can skip and transition to the actual combat on the fly. During battle, you select two of your party members to battle with Jeremy at the beginning of each turn (Jeremy’s attack, party member 1’s attack, party member 2’s attack.) Both Jeremy and all of the party members have their own health bars, so planning ahead is important. Fortunately, there will be health regeneration points throughout. Finally, everyone will share the same level cap, so there’ll be no need to worry about balancing your party properly in order to win.

I’d like to take this moment to mention that this game’s battle system somewhat parodies the traditional turn-based system. What this means is that each of the party members will have a different style that encompasses a specific element of humour. For example, Jeremy’s the kooky guy who turns generic objects like sticks, bubble launchers and stones into weapons, while Terry’s the more straight-forward military man and Alexa uses her beauty to swoon her opponents. There’ll also be various in-battle references to other RPG and non-RPG classics, so expect hilarity and allusions aplenty! It’s weird, but I think it’ll be a fresh pace for people who want something original!

WHITLY used CRUMPLED PAPER. It’s super effective!

Aside from the main story, there’ll be other features included. These include a multiplayer-both online and offline-and a custom designer to build stages for multiplayer. The multiplayer will be the exact same as it was with the Pokémon idea that I had. This means that you’ll have to look at that one in order to know how it works, as I don’t want to overwhelm you and make this blog longer than necessary. Oh, and FYI: due to the size of this game, it’s possible that the multiplayer will be on Disc 2.

Difficulty Settings:

Fire Emblem Battle Theme – Super Smash Bros. Brawl

As I stated last time, challenge is often tough to effectively incorporate into a game. This is because “challenge” as a concept varies from person to person. Since experienced gamers will find a less-challenging game to be lacking and novice gamers will find a more-challenging game to be frustrating, we’re taking the safer route again and using difficulty settings. Should anyone object, speak now or forever hold your piece. *Turns to someone in the audience* You object? BANG! Anyone else? *Silence* Good!

I’d suggest the cautious, 3 settings system, but I don’t think that that’d be enough. Therefore, we’ll go with 5 this time: Basic, Simple, Intermediate, Advanced and Expert. Basic, Simple and Intermediate will be interchangeable via the options menu, as will Advanced and Expert. This is because there are only slight changes between Basic/Simple/Intermediate and Advanced/Expert, yet too drastic of changes between Intermediate and Advanced. For example, Advanced and Expert have a lower level cap and major handicaps on the enemies, while Simple is a slightly easier version of Intermediate and Basic is pretty much the same as Simple with an optional auto-help feature that takes over specific parts for you once you’re stuck at a certain spot for a long enough period of time. Also, the auto-help feature will give you the option of letting the game take over for you in combat once you die in an area more than 7 times. It’s a little confusing at first, but I plan to cover all of my bases and let gamers of every skill level to be able to enjoy this game!

Visuals:

Lloyd’s Theme – Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World

Yet another inclusion that sets this blog out from my last one is the mention of a section on visuals. Now, I won’t spend much time on this one, but I think that having a unique visual style will help make this game stand out. While graphics on their own don’t make a game good, nevertheless they can still make it interesting. But since I’m not a fan of photorealism in video games, I think I’d rather let my artsy side speak with this one. Therefore, I propose using a rather creative-yet-controversial method for this game:

Cell shading.

“Boo!!!” *Audience starts throwing tomatoes*

Of course, with cell shading comes the additional question of which style to use. This is because there are so many cell shading techniques that one can use. You have the comic book, the acrylic, the watercolour, the cartoon, the pastel; the list can theoretically go on forever. In this instance, I’d opt for a more anime-like approach with a heavy, Americanized influence. This is because, while I’m a fan of the anime style, I still want some traces of originality to exist in the game’s presentation. Since the hybrid does just that, I’ll be content.

Replay Value:

Enemy Battle – Lost Kingdoms II

For those who are concerned about this one, I have some good news: there WILL be replay value. Even though the game would probably be about 30 hours in total, as mentioned earlier there’ll be 7 endings. Each of these 7 endings will be determined via actions and decisions that you make throughout the game, and each ending that you get will be archived and enable you to unlock new features for the multiplayer mode. Having this feature will give you an incentive to go back and replay the game, which is a plus. Also, there’ll be multiplayer features, and you can’t go wrong with that!

So, in short, there’ll be some significant replay value. How much will be up to you, though. Since replaying the same, 30-hour game (I’m predicting that much) over and over again can be boring to some, it very much depends on the individual. This is even with the 7 endings. Hopefully, the multiplayer mode will add incentive to go back, as it should be!

Concluding Thoughts:

Fourside – Earthbound

Just like with my last one, I think I have something respectable here. I’m not entirely sure if this is realistic or not, but it’s worth a shot nonetheless. Also, I had fun making it, so that’s a plus! Once again, feel free to suggest, converse and critique in the comments section. Discussion of sorts is always interesting for stuff like this, and I’m curious as to what you’d have to say on it. Well, until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

“Captain Raccoon to the rescue!”

(Note: Be sure to search for some Lost Kingdoms II tunes while on Youtube, as they’re truly awesome!)

"You Reap What You Sow"-An Old Editorial By Whitly

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:21:13 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! Since I’m taking a breather from new stuff for a bit, I figured I’d post another archive blog. For those who are new to this little charade of mine, archive blogs are a mini-series where I take old works or gems of mine, fix ‘em up a little bit and post them in order to show how far I’ve come since. Back in V3, I used to post these occasionally during periods of drought in order that I seem somewhat productive. None of these are up to par with my latest stuff, but it’s fun looking at old stuff you’ve written every now and then, no?

Anyway, allow me to introduce this one to you all:

This piece dates back to March of 2008. I had to write an original editorial for my Grade 12 Writer’s Craft class as one of my assignments. Originally, I didn’t know what to write about. It wasn’t until I began learning about piracy in a different class-Ethics-that I decided to write about piracy. Ironically, the research put into writing this blog convinced me to delete my emulators off of my old Dell. The power of research is quite apparent these days, isn’t it?

For the record, I’m not interested in a debate on piracy right now, so please don’t start one with me in the comments section. Instead, just enjoy this for what it’s worth. It’s actually quite a decent editorial when I look back on it, although it’s a little bit basic and could stand for some fine tuning. Also, none of wording or emphasizing has been changed in this piece, only the inclusion of line-breaks and some slight changes to the structure of the paragraphs (i.e. indentations = no more!)

Well, enough chit chat, as I could theoretically go on forever about the background on this one! Instead, I leave you with the typical one-liner inserted in every archive: Just sit back, relax and enjoy!

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Some music to accompany this, shall we?

Wii Shop Channel Theme

You Reap What You Sow

Let us get one thing straight: human beings do, in fact, have free-will. Because they have free-will, they’re definitely capable of committing a wrong-doing such as theft, a misdemeanor and even an illegal action. At the same time, however, humans are also capable of dealing with the consequences of these actions, because they’re capable of discriminating between right and wrong.

So for example, when it comes to a situation such as downloading music illegally, wouldn’t it seem just as reasonable to take responsibility for this illegal act, just as one would take responsibility for a serious mistake?

It appears as though the real question is as follows: why don’t we take responsibility for our own actions? After all, man’s greatest weapon is the truth, and man’s greatest attribute is honesty. However, fear, selfishness and blame often hamper the ability to take personal responsibility.

While someone wouldn’t rob a bank or a store, downloading a song by someone like Jessica Simpson or Britney Spears happens all the time. According to CTV.ca, 60% of Canadians between the ages of 18 to 29 would much rather download music online than buy it in stores. Of the 60%, half of them do so because they’re afraid of standing out if they don’t. And once the music is downloaded, the downloader is often afraid that if he or she turns himself or herself in, he or she will have to face consequences such as fines, (approximately $250000 in the US according to webopedia.com,) up to 6 years in jail and even public apologies, something he or she may not want to do. However, while one may argue that living with the consequences may be too much to bear, it’s better to confess and suffer the consequences because that would be a mature approach to taking responsibility for your actions.

Another possibility could be that natural selfishness may also play a part in refusing to take responsibility. Since an individual may find that he or she has benefited and not received any consequences, he or she may be less inclined to take responsibility for what he or she has done. This form of reasoning is presented in the famous lines recently immortalized by Kanye West: that that don’t kill me, only makes me stronger. In other words, as long as you can get away with it, go for it! After all, humans are born with selfish tendencies, so acting upon impulse seems like a reasonable thing to do. In fact, of the 60% that CTV polled, 12-17 year-olds felt that since the artists and companies they’ve downloaded from have “so much money,” losing $10 for one song or program “won’t hurt their annual profits.” Unfortunately, though, while $10 alone may not be a lot of money, multiply that by 1000000 and that’s enough money to force companies such as Novell to lay off 20% of their workforces in order to compensate for their losses.

Then there’s the blame game. Since there are so many things out there to blame, it would appear to be easier to take that approach than confessing. Statements such as “she made me do it,” or “it was his fault,” or even “everyone else is doing it, so why shouldn’t I” are very common in situations where one person gets caught and others don’t. And while it may be easier to blame someone else for your mistakes, and while everyone else may be doing it as well, the blame game prevents you from taking responsibility for an illegal act.

So now there’s only one question left to answer: how can someone take responsibility if it’s a difficult thing to do? Since human beings don’t always use common sense, or abide by a personal, honour system, taking responsibility is actually a lot harder than it seems. Since education isn’t enough, (many educated people are also guilty of illegal downloading) invasive action must be taken by software and music companies to ensure that consumers don’t force them into bankruptcy. Perhaps creating a downloading tax will help scare potential downloaders away. But even if that doesn’t work, it’s the principles, as well as the awareness of the wrongdoings, behind it that are important: as long as the consumer understands and accepts the consequences of his or her actions, he or she will be less likely to commit the illegal act in the first place. Part of the responsibility of spreading this awareness also lies with the companies that lose profit over downloading. Otherwise, this issue will never be solved, and no one will ever take personal responsibility over the situation.

***********************

Well, that’s about it for now! Before I end this, I’d just like to thank everyone for their pleasant feedback on my 100th blog special. Greatly appreciated! Alright! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Whitly's Official 100th Blog Special

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:29:38 -0500

(I’ve been avoiding writing this for a while now, mostly due to school, family matters, assignments, Pokémon Silver-a game that’s starting to become annoying to play-and not having the time to sit down and write this. While this is technically not my 100th blog, nevertheless I’m counting it as that due to two of my early blogs being slightly-enhanced reposts with different comments from the originals. Also, this’ll be much longer than most of my stuff and will seem somewhat egotistical. However, due to the occasion of this blog, I hope that you’ll forgive me for it!)

Hey g1s! Whitly here! I’m incredibly cheery today, and for good cause too! Why? Well, today marks the posting of my 100th blog on Screwattack that I’ve kept since reestablishing access to my g1 account in June!

Intro Theme – NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams

*Cheering*

Indeed! A lot has happened since that fateful day, June 22nd, 2009. I went from a small-time nobody to a big-time somebody. My experience here has had bumps every now and then, but for the most part it’s been a positive one. Even looking back on my writing style since June 22nd, I can notice a major improvement in the tone, structure and content of my material as well. Since I’ve already covered the background on the events leading up to my first blog, I won’t cover that; rather, I’ll be discussing (in detail, mind you!) my experience on this site. Due to its length, I’ve divided this blog up into sections. I suggest taking breaks in order to make this easier to read, and I won’t take complaints about it being too long for this one.

Alright, enough chitchat! Let’s begin!

My Early Days:

Viridian City – Pokémon Red/Blue/Yellow

My story begins just moments after I got my account issues fixed. I was excited, to say that least. I wanted to share my joy with Screwattack…somehow. I was aware that this’d be my “first” blog, and I wanted to make it something special. Since I knew that first blogs were somewhat of a rite of passage, I wanted to let everyone on Screwattack know that I was worthy of being taken seriously as a writer. I didn’t have to think long, though, as I was both very happy and incredibly tired. Since I wanted to get to bed, I decided to take my conversation that I’d had with the account administrator and use it in blog. Making some quick edits and revisions, I ended up with the first entry of what’d become my series of letters that I’d use each time I’d learned something humbling. Once I was done, I posted my blog, checked the few comments that soon followed and went to sleep.

Little did I know that my blog would become a hit overnight.

When I woke up the following morning and checked my blog, I was surprised to see that some big names had commented on it. I was pleased to find that one of them came from a g1 that I’d had a certain fondness of for a while now:

“Thanks for the mention :P

Glad to hear you got back onto Screwattack! I look forward to reading more blogs from you!”

This comment was from g1 Elmo 3000. That was probably my favourite comment of all of them. Sure, finding comments from the other people there was nice, but to get a comment from someone that I considered to be my all-time favourite blogger was quite rewarding. It was nice to know that he’d caught my mention of him at the end of my blog, as it meant that he knew how much I liked his stuff. I’d later become good friends with Elmo as time went on, but up to that point a simple acknowledgement of my work was all I needed in order to know that my blog was a success.

But my work wasn’t done yet! Since I’d just come from a positive experience, I decided that I wanted to top my first blog with something equally as special. As I was thinking, I realized that I was having a hard time making a sig for my comments. After trying to create one with no success, I decided to write a blog discussing my issues with coding. Pouring my heart out for 3 hours, I discussed my past-experiences with computer programming, as well as why each attempt ending in failure. Once my blog was done, I posted it and waited.

Another success story.

For some reason, it seems as though I kept stumbling upon success even if I thought that I wouldn’t get it. While this blog wasn’t as successful comments-wise as my previous, nevertheless I still got a healthy stream of comments on it. I remember during a private conversation with one of the mods that I was informed of a possible Top-Post. While that Top-Post never happened, the blog was eventually featured in one of Silent_Protagonist’s O&U blogs.

At this point, I could barely contain my excitement. Unfortunately, I was about to stumble upon my first flop with my next blog.

Rival Battle Pokémon Gold/Silver/Crystal Orchestral Remix – Made by Ricelia

Just shortly after I published my blog on coding, I stumbled upon a thread bashing the Wii on GT. While this wasn’t the first time I’d seen a Wii-hating thread, this one was unique in that it was all about how easy Wii games are. While I personally don’t have a problem with people not liking easy games, I was annoyed that the creator of this thread demanded that easy games be made “illegal.” The absurdity of this statement got me incredibly angry, perhaps more than I should’ve been. So, in an attempt to express my frustrations, I decided to write a rant. 2 hours later, I posted the worst blog I’d ever written on the site. Things initially went well for me. I got a mod to comment, had a nice conversation with some g1s and even made myself a nice lunch.

That was when things started spiraling out of control.

Things began to get bad once I got my first piece of criticism telling me that my assumptions were flawed. Pretty soon, the critiques and complaints began pouring in like mad. People were annoyed that my blog got a Top-Post, and they were annoyed that I’d written something so bad. Looking back on it, there were only three things that prevented me from deleting it:

1. Silent_Protagonist’s comment-While I think that he knew in hindsight that my blog was bad, nevertheless I was pleased to find that he’d written a comment in my defense:

“Bah! This should be top posted simply due to the fact that this post has gotten the most amount of discussion I've seen in awhile.”

This comment was in response to one of the complainers about my blog getting a Top-Post. While I don’t think he was correct in defending me, the fact that he took the time to do so meant that he saw potential in my work. This comment began a friendship that’d later work in my favour with his O&U series. I thank him for that.

2. Wandering_Swordsman’s critique-I’m sure the guy remembers this just as much as I do. Up until this point, I’d been receiving rather nasty comments or casual compliments from those who’d commented. It was only once Swordsman piped in with an elaborate comment that I could get a clear sense of what was wrong with my rant. Writing a comment that was actually longer than the blog itself, Swordsman proceeded to respectfully tear my blog apart in order that I know where to improve. Of all of the critics of my blog, he was the most concise and thorough. It’s for that reason that I took notice of him of all people, which led me to make major improvements for my follow-up.

3. The mysterious formatting comment-I don’t remember who said this comment. Up until this point, I didn’t know how to format my stuff properly. I kept using CAPS lock for emphasis, not considering it to be an issue. Aside from remembering that this commenter treated me with respect, he also left a tip for me to use that I still remember today. When coupled with my response, I can’t help but laugh whenever I see it:

Hee hee! Me so sillee!

This alone was enough to keep me from deleting it!

When all is said and done, I realize that I’d dived in headfirst without testing the waters beforehand. I can see now why it was Top-Posted-I had potential as a debater-but the blog put a temporary halt in my ability to gain the trust of the community. I let out a groan and realized then that I still had a long way to go if I were to ever make it to the top!

Gaining Trust:

Space Junk Galaxy – Super Mario Galaxy

The controversy behind my first rant was, to say the least, embarrassing and hard to forget. In the past, whenever I wrote something terrible on Facebook, the material would only be an issue for a few hours before fading entirely into obscurity once my next piece was posted the following day. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for this rant. What was originally intended as a small venting ended up staying in the Top-Posts section for a week. Looking back on it now, I realize that it was a necessary mistake in order to help me grow as a writer. Back then, however, it was a big blow to my ego. Desperate to make it up to both the community and myself, I decided to write a subtler follow-up that’d prove that I could be taken seriously. So, spending 4 hours this time and using some new coding techniques that I’d learned from SP’s original Coding & Tutorial Blog, I posted a blog discussing the absurdity of being afraid of games geared toward kids.

To put it bluntly: this was a triumph.

I don’t know what it is about my writing style, but I always manage to quickly redeem myself each time I screw up. In this case, it was a matter of writing a rant that was decent for a change. But despite the positive reception, I was disappointed in the number of comments it received. It sounds silly to say that now, but I’d just had a taste of immense popularity and craved more of it. Up until that point I was used to getting 6-12 comments on my Facebook notes, so receiving 80 on one blog was a shock to me. I began to crave comments, perhaps to an unhealthy degree. Since my latest rant received very few, I decided to rework the blog and do something I didn’t know was against the rules:

I reposted it.

I’d like to take the time right now to briefly apologize for doing that. Had I known that that was wrong when I did it, I probably wouldn’t have. While my repost ironically received the same number of comments as my original, nevertheless I was pleased to find yet another snippet of wisdom from Silent_Protagonist on this blog:

“I see the whole pedophobia in gaming to be comprised of teens that are in that awkward "growing up" stage. The stage where you think you're grown up, act like a child, and tell everyone else to grow up. Of course it's not that simple, a lot of adult males just feel they have to compete and defend their oh so precious masculinity. Like that guy in the vid, I'm sure he's to much of a man to play Viva Pinata. =D

I enjoyed this. You even stumped be with a word! "broigus"...I had to look that one up. Of course it wasn't in webster's, it's Yiddish! You sneaky, sneaky man =P.

This certainly qualifies as overlooked. The "underrated" part of my U&O doesn't really apply anymore since we can't seem to vote. Hmm.”

I won’t go into detail over the background of this comment, but it was nice to know once again that SP saw potential in my work. Nevertheless, I was still unsatisfied with the amount of comments I’d received on my blog. It was around this time that I got my idea for my signature series: S.O.M.A.R. (Second-Opinion, Metacritic-Assassin, Re-Reviews.) Taking my hatred of professional reviewers and using it to form a counter-series of reviews, I took an old game that I really liked and used it as my first example. 3 hours after I published it, I received my 2nd Top-Post.

Rosalina’s Observatory – Super Mario Galaxy

Someone once told me that the difference between a good writer and a great writer is that the latter is able to learn from past mistakes and use them to improve upon future material. If this is the case, then I guess I qualify as the-best-of-the-best, as I’ve made more mistakes than I can count. While I don’t consider most of my V3 to be anything above respectable, nevertheless there are a few blogs that I’d consider to be gems. My first S.O.M.A.R. would be one of them. While I think getting a Top-Post went a little bit to my head, nevertheless I was glad that something good received one this time. It could be that I spent 8 hours on it, but I wanted everyone to know. And while I’d like to apologize again for reposting this blog (it was the last time I’d do that,) it was a nice surprise at the end of the day.

Shortly after the S.O.M.A.R. disappeared from the Top-Post section, I wrote a follow-up S.O.M.A.R. that also got Top-Posted. While I was a little disappointed that my 3rd S.O.M.A.R. didn’t receive a Top-Post as well, at the same time the sloppiness of the 3rd entry didn’t warrant it one. But if there’s one thing I learned from this series, it’d have to be from a comment that pointed out what’d become a flaw in most of my works that followed:

“I just felt the blog went waaaay too long. When I first opened the page and saw the lenght of the blog, I almost closed the window, but I rushed to the comments, saw it was top posted... "Ahh, I'll give it a try". Your ideia of desconstruting reviewer comments is awesome, but maybe you could have placed only half of them. I believe you would still pass your message.”

This is probably one of my biggest problems as a writer. While my 4th Top-Post on Punch-Out!! Wii was (ironically) mostly pictures with little text, at the same time I’m aware of the epic length of my blogs. I did break things up with my “quick-and-easy” interviews that landed me two Top-Posts and my Archive Blogs series-where I take old works that I’ve written and post them in order to demonstrate how far I’ve progressed-but it’s still a flaw of mine nonetheless!

Within a few short weeks of rejoining the site, I’d already established a name for myself on Screwattack. However, my popularity on the site was about to increase tenfold…

Striking Gold:

Menu 2 – Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Even though I’d established myself as a blogger by this point, I still wasn’t very well known as of yet. That’s not to say that I hadn’t gained a reputation, but I really only had a small following. Keep in mind that I was blogging daily and was progressing in thought rather slowly, a sign that I was still at the development stage. I hadn’t really written anything mind-blowing yet, nor did I know when that’d happen (or if it’d happen.) Nevertheless, that opportunity was about to happen.

You see, for a while now I’d had a desire to write a blog critiquing hardcore gamers. I found out just how annoying they could be once E3 ’08 occurred, and their complaints drove me crazy. They were rude, obnoxious, arrogant and hypocritical. They whined about everything, and they weren’t appreciative of what already existed. While I’d later find out that my issues were with an elite sect of hardcore gamers known as hardcore whiners, at this point in time I was only interested in finding a way to shut them up for good.

For weeks, I thought over a way to express my critique. It was around this time that I stumbled upon a TGO episode that was structured as an open letter to Nintendo. I found it intriguing to watch, namely because TGO wasn’t afraid to express his opinions about Nintendo. After watching it twice, I came to the conclusion that my blog would be an open letter to be published on July 15th, 2009, 1 year after Nintendo’s conference. Within days, I stumbled upon my first roadblock since I’d joined the site:

How would I go about writing this?

The answer wasn’t immediate. I initially went through a series of personas, such as an angry drunk expressing his true feelings, to a mental patient suffering from nervous breakdown, to even a prankster that’d replace complaints with a montage of fart jokes. Fortunately, none of those worked, namely because they were too ludicrous/disturbing for my message to be accurately expressed. I was just about to give up, when I saw a review for one of the Batman games on Screwattack. Taking note of the seriousness of the review, I decided to go with a serious persona and got to work on a 6-hour blog that used extensive research and even managed to cut into my hours of sleep. Once it was finally published early in the morning on July 15th, I turned off my laptop and went to sleep.

Little did I know that I’d struck fame overnight.

Intro Theme – Super Smash Bros. Brawl

It seems as though I have a tendency to strike fame when I least expect it. Nowhere is this more apparent than with my first open letter. When I awoke from bed the following morning, I discovered 20 comments on my blog and a Top-Post for my blog. Needless to say, I was both shocked and flattered. What was so great about these comments is that they were all congratulatory. They were all praising my intelligence and telling me that I hit the nail on the head. The second that I responded to one of them, two more appeared once the page had finished reloading. By the time the day had ended I had 70 comments on my blog, a new record for me (the comment system was more complicated back on V3.) It also didn’t take long for a bunch of debates to start in the comments section, and I enjoyed that a lot!

As the days dragged on, more and more comments began to appear on my blog. Some were quite nasty, but most were rather pleasant. However, one comment in particular still stands out to me to this day. I won’t post the entire thing, but there was one sentence that seemed to grab me in the commenter’s harsh post:

“Nintendo doesn't need you defending it, and you're really not breaking any new ground by doing so.”

What struck me as odd with this statement is that the commenter (who shall remain anonymous) didn’t quite understand my argument. I wasn’t defending Nintendo here; rather I was arguing that the Hardcore Gamers who frequently complain about Nintendo are full of crap, as they constantly complain without attempting to remedy the situation. I still think that this picture sums up their hypocrisy in a nutshell:

Funny comic is funny!

The comments went on for a full week! By the time this blog was pushed off of the Top-Posts section, it had amassed 184 comments. Looking back on it now, I don’t think that it’s all that special anymore. Nevertheless, this was the turning point in my blogging career. While I was somewhat disappointed that my follow-up wasn’t nearly as popular, the fact that it spawned a few responses goes to show that I was now well known on the site after this. Unfortunately, my popularity would also get me into some serious trouble down the line…

Scandal at the Table:

Kakariko Village – The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

With my new-found popularity benefiting my odds of receiving comments on my blogs, I now knew that I’d always receive feedback on my work. With the odds being so high, I decided to begin developing a friendship with a g1 that I’d been fond of for quite some time: Elmo 3000. Sending him a PM just shortly after I’d written my letter, I requested an interview. After getting the green light from Elmo, the interview began. This wasn’t my first interview with a g1 on the site, but it was definitely my favourite. Despite not receiving a Top-Post, the interview remains a triumphant moment in my time spent on Screwattack. This friendship then led to me joining Elmo in a failed podcast episode via Skype, which-in turn-allowed me to add him as a friend on Skype shortly thereafter.

A little while after this, I had a brainstorm in my sleep. You see, I’d stumbled upon the rank for The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on Metacritic, and I’d considered the 99 score it received to be unfair and a misrepresentation of the actual quality of the game. Since I considered a 99 to be too high, I decided to correct that via a S.O.M.A.R. But I knew that I couldn’t do it alone, so I went to go enlist the help of some fellow g1s in order to make it easier to accomplish this daunting task. After gathering 3 of my Skype buddies and holding a contest to enlist the help of someone new, we finally picked a time and date and we began our conversation. A week and a half later, just shortly after receiving my 11th Top-Post, the project was published on Screwattack.

Unfortunately, I got more than I bargained for with the blog.

Ganondorf – The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Despite some initial linking issues, which was a simple fix, my blog became incredibly popular in such a short period of time. It eventually got to a point where I required some professional criticism in order to know if it was really any good. So I sent it to one of the mods to get his take. After a slight misunderstanding and a major argument between the mod and a few of the g1s (myself included,) I decided to send it to another mod for a second-take. Sadly, that only made things worse. I’m not going to go into all of the details here (PM me for the full story,) but let’s just say that I got really worked-up over this.

This event led me to me writing a blog announcing my leave of the site. After some convincing from the community and a mild debate that occurred in the comments section, I reconsidered my leave and deleted the blog. The following day, a fellow g1 wrote a blog defending me that became quite popular as well. It was at that moment that, after some scolding from the mods, I decided to stay on Screwattack. My experience on this site hasn’t quite been the same since.

Looking back, I think that things got out of hand for the wrong reasons. The blog wasn’t all that great. It wasn’t terrible, but the style was rather basic and lacking. It doesn’t help that I think people overreacted slightly. Nevertheless, I was distraught and felt crushed at the time, thinking that I’d never redeem myself.

However, like a dead phoenix, I was about to be reborn from the ashes entirely…

My Redemption:

Briefing 1 – Star Fox Assault

Sometimes, I wonder if the scandals I’m involved in end up getting blown out of proportion for a reason. As a firm believer in everything serving a purpose in the grand scheme of things, it seems as though this conflict in particular was intended to shape me into a better g1. Judging by my decisions over the next 72 hours, it sure seems that way. When I first wrote that letter following my tiff with the mods, I was certain that my stay at Screwattack was over for good. Once I decided to stay, I realized that I had some work to do if I were to ever regain the trust that the community had for me. Within hours of declaring my intent to stay on Screwattack, I immediately began work on an apology letter. Making sure to successfully fuse humour with seriousness, I went and posted the second entry in the series I’d started upon rejoining the site and waited.

Needless to say, it was a hit.

When it comes to the few blogs I wrote on V3 that I’d consider excellent, some of the candidates were ones that I’d originally considered to be no more than simple reads that weren’t all that special at the time. This is one of those blogs. Within seconds of posting my letter, I received some mixed responses in the comments section. It appeared as though some of my commenters were applauding me for confessing to the errors of my way, while others were criticizing me for my bad decisions. One of them even went as far as to leave a beautiful response that still stands out today:

“It's alright man, when it all boils down to it, we're all friends here. Things that seem hugely important and scandalous at the moment will be forgotten by tomorrow, fences will be mended, and I can't see any of members of this level-headed, intelligent community holding any grudges against you, especially considering your good intentions.”

For the record, this letter wasn’t easy to write. I went into it knowing that I was partly at fault for what had happened. Even looking back on it now, I still get chills down my spine whenever I read it. I know that some people will get enraged for me mentioning it, but I’m not pretending that it didn’t happen anymore. After all, it was the only way to alleviate the frustrations that built up from staying silent.

In other words: I’m mentioning it, so deal with it.

Title Screen – Star Fox Assault

However, I wasn’t satisfied. I wanted to find a way to make myself feel better. Since I enjoyed Mario games, I wanted to find a way to write about them. So I thought about it…for quite some time. Finally, after some thought, I decided to make an Infamous 7 on Mario games. This wasn’t my first Infamous 7 (I’d made a few before,) but it’d become my most sentimental one to date. Once I posted the blog, I remember getting a special comment from Wandering_Swordsman, who had just started becoming a regular follower of my work:

“This just goes to show that you’re a far more valuable member of Screwattack than you think.”

At least, I think that’s what he said. In truth, the comment got lost in the upgrade to 4.0, so it’s based on memory. Anyway, with the warm feedback that I received on my blog, I knew that I was happier now. This increase in self-confidence served to benefit me when I wrote my Meteos DS review. Shortly after posting it, I received a comment from a mod, as well as my 12th (and final) Top-Post. Once that’d occurred, I was now officially ready to put the incident behind me and move on.

Having regained my footing in the blogging world, I now began to move on to more controversial topics. One of these topics was a now multi-paragraph jumble of ideas that was initially a critique of professional reviewers ala 7 deadly sins.. Another was a satirical story based off of a sentence from a novel that’d received a Top-Post. Both ended up being well received in the end. While not all were hits, I’d like to briefly call attention to something in particular that I did with Elmo 3000:

You see, around October, Elmo and I were conversing about a game called Batman Begins. Despite my initial impressions of the game being very icky, nevertheless the conversation convinced me to try the game again. Needless to say, I enjoyed it more the second time around. Since Elmo had beaten the game as well, I decided to do a co-op review with him. Taking place over a 4-day period via Skype, the two of us discussed the positive and negative aspects of this game. Once the conversation was finished, I edited it and published it as a blog on Screwattack. I was pleased to find out that everyone liked it, as that made the experience worthwhile; in fact, I might even do another one again sometime on a different game! However, the experience was enjoyable enough that I thought it to be something worth sharing with all of you!

As can clearly be seen, my experience on Screwattack had been enriched coming out of my failure. But something was brewing in the air that’d put me to the test as an established writer on the site…

The Dawn of a New Beginning:

Main Menu – Metroid Prime

On October 27th (or 29th, unsure which date exactly,) the g1 community finally got a chance to see what Screwattack 4.0 looked like. 4.0 may have been originally announced before SGC, but the release date kept getting pushed back further into 2009. We kept hearing the heads of the site say that they needed more time, and that they’d release it when the time was right. But we didn’t mind, as we knew that it’d be epic. So when the unveiling of 4.0 was announced, we knew then that the time had come.

Needless to say, I was excited. I’d never seen the unveiling of a major update before, so I didn’t know what to expect. When the day arrived for the unveiling of 4.0, I almost wet my pants in excitement. Once I saw the layout on the live recording, I was amazed by what I saw. It was significantly different and improved from the then-current layout, and that fascinated me.

Unfortunately, I wouldn’t have the chance to test it out right away, as I didn’t qualify for a Beta-Key. I wasn’t able to attend SGC for religious reasons, and I wasn’t in the top 20 when it came to points. It was a little disappointing, but it wasn’t the end of the world for me. Besides, I was more concerned with how I’d transition to 4.0. I wanted to start fresh, far away from the mistakes and bad decisions that I’d made in V3. I wanted to earn my popularity fairly (I used to complain constantly in order to get comments,) and I figured that 4.0 would be the place to do that!

On November 5th, 2009, a little more than a week later, Elmo posted his initial impressions of 4.0 on Screwattack. It was nice that he did that, as it gave those unable to test out the site a taste of what 4.0 was like. I remember posting a comment expressing my concerns with the new layout. After SP told me that I’d have a lot to prove to myself come 4.0, I continued work on a secret Infamous 7 project that dealt with a topic near and dear to me. Since it was taking a while to write, I decided to begin work on a mini-blog that I posted a short time after Elmo’s blog. In it, I asked a series of questions regarding 4.0, as well as elaborated on my concerns.

As usual, it was well received. I even received a comment from one of the mods! However, it was SP’s comment that I liked the most:

“Good questions Whitly. You may find that there's not to much to be truly concerned about. Trepidation to change is natural.”

While not very elaborate, it was certainly comforting. SP’s reassurance came in handy once I wrote my 84th blog that was also my last on V3: a poem. It wasn’t my best work in any way, but I was surprised to discover that the site had featured it in their new show later that week. To get it featured to begin with was satisfying, as that meant that Screwattack liked it. I guess, in a way, it can be considered a nice side-project that served its purpose, even though it wasn’t all that important in the grand scheme of things!

On November 18th, 2009, Screwattack began the transition to 4.0. The site went down early in the afternoon, and I was greeted to the following screen:

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

On November 19th, 2009, early in the morning, 4.0 went live.

Menu Theme – Metroid Prime 3: Corruption

The first blog I posted was my secret project, an Infamous 7 on Jewish texts. It was tough initially posting it, as I wasn’t familiar with the new layout of 4.0. Because of this, my blog turned into a giant blob of text. I was so upset to see something I’d spent two weeks on get ruined that I wanted to curse 4.0 to be damned to Hell for all eternity. However, it wasn’t a difficult fix! With some guidance from SP, as well as the ridiculous <*br><*br> code, my blog was officially published later that day. Seeing my masterpiece finally be made public, I shed a tear of joy.

Once again, it was a success.

I guess the rest of the story now tells itself. There’s not much else I can say, other than that I’ve benefitted greatly from 4.0. My work is now of a respectable standard, and I think that has to do with me not feeling the pressure of getting recognized like in V3. Since my work is now completely peer-reviewed, I no longer feel the crunch that comes from having a select few determine if your stuff is good or not. And, sure enough, my 65 Subscribers are proof of that! While that's not to say that everything I’ve written has been gold, nevertheless I can say that I earned my popularity fairly this time around. But, alas, I must pay my respects to V3 for helping me get started, as some of my best experiences occurred there…

Concluding Thoughts:

Fire Emblem Opera Theme

Well, it looks as if I should probably end this lengthy and verbose blog off with some personal reflections:

To start, I guess that my experience on Screwattack has been akin to a roller-coaster ride. In other words, my experience has had its ups and downs. I’ve made some friends, enemies and everything in between. My friends here have helped me progress as a writer, while my enemies have taught me who to be careful of. So, in a sense (not sure if that’s the right way of saying it,) the community has done quite a bit for me as a writer on this site/in general.

I’d also like to take this time to state that I’m not a perfect human being either. Contrary to what some of you may think, I’m flawed. I’ve made far too many mistakes during my time here to count, some minor and others major. It’s possible that I’ve even broken many of the rules-no, I’m positive that I’ve broken many of the rules unintentionally during my time here. So I guess I’m grateful that I’m still here in light of that.

I guess I’ll end this with some thank you notes. Firstly, I’d like to thank my fellow g1s for having the courtesy to help me grow as a writer, as I wouldn’t be where I am today without your feedback. To my loyal followers, regardless of whether or not they’ve been reading my stuff since the beginning, I’d like to thank you for commenting on my stuff and giving your support. To the mods, I guess I’d like to thank all of you for putting up with my crazy shenanigans all this time, as that’s not an easy thing for anyone to be able to do. Finally, I’d like to thank the crew at Screwattack for doing what they do best: making awesome content for the g1s. I’d also like to thank them for letting me take part in the community, as I’ve benefitted greatly from that!

Looking ahead to the future, I’m unsure where I plan on going. I hope to eventually take the skills that I’ve learned here and apply them to my future career. Perhaps I might write like this for a living, but who knows? I’m still not 100% sure what I plan on doing with my life. Regardless, I know for a fact that I have Screwattack in part to thank for helping me with my writing skills.

*********************************

Well, that wraps up this massive blog. I’ve come this far, so here’s to many more in the future! Well, until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

I shall now leave you on a high-note with the following tune:

Proud Fight – Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn

(Note: Since my links didn't work, I shall provide access to my blogs instead. You can view them here. I apologize for having to make you do that...)

Zeldon't: Why Whitly's Not a Fan of the Zelda Franchise

Sun, 17 Jan 2010 16:10:55 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! First off, before I begin, I’d like to thank all of you for your support and feedback on my last blog. Since that beast took me 11.5 hours to write and ended up becoming my longest blog ever, (7877 was the final word count when I verified it in Word,) I’m glad that my initial fears of it being too long and difficult for everyone to read were shattered by the comments it received. That being said, I did promise that my next blog wouldn’t be as long, so now I’m in a bit of an uncomfortable position of having to make this shorter. While this may not seem hard to do initially, everything changes the second I reveal to you all my topic of today:

0_0

Now then, before you start quivering in your socks, (or whatever you’re wearing,) I’d like to mention now that I’m not gonna be ranting about how stupid the series is. No, no I’m not. Rather, I’m going to confess to you something that’ll probably shock you all: I’m not a big Zelda fan. Seriously, I’m just not. Now, the odds have increased of people saying that I only don’t like the series because I haven’t played any of the games seriously enough, but keep in mind that I’ve played four entries in the series as it already is. Now, granted, they’re all 3D games, but I don’t really see why that’d matter. They’re still Zelda games, isn’t that enough?

Alright, I can tell that a few of you are desperately waiting to pounce on me and state that I’m “dead wrong,” but I didn’t want to discuss this initially with all of you. It’s not that I think the franchise is crap-it isn’t-or that I don’t think you can handle this-I’m sure you can-it’s just that, if the comments that I got on my blog are any indication of something, I knew I’d have to go into plenty of detail in order to justify my reason for disliking one of the highest-rated and most-frequently praised franchises to ever exist. And, to be frank, I didn’t have the patience to do that for a long time now.

Nevertheless, the interesting conversations that I’ve had within the last week with people are a clear indication that it has to be said now before it’s too late. The end result may or may not be so great, but I have to attempt this now or I’ll never be able to get my point out at all. In order to make this easier to digest, I shall also organize this by theme for all of you. Now, this’ll be very opinionated and highly controversial, so be mindful of that and exit this page now if you can’t handle what I’m about to say. Without any more delay, let’s get started:

MUSIC!

The Legend of Zelda Main Theme – Super Smash Bros. Brawl

1. Assertion:

One of the breeding grounds for my disinterest in the franchise.

One of the core problems that I have with the Zelda franchise is the fan base itself. Now, I’m not referring to all Zelda fans, just the militant diehards. While that’s not to say that there aren’t more tame fans that annoy me, nevertheless it’s the extremely passionate ones that irk me. More than those who whine about Nintendo being a sell-out these days. More than those who whine about the casualization of the industry these days. Heck, even more than those who freak out when a game is “easy.” (Which, by the way, is a subjective claim to make.) No, what irks me most about the diehards is that they harness all of these things and more.

Now, I have no problem with someone not liking a game/thinking a game is overrated. I’m guilty of that too at times. We all are. However, when your dislike of said game prevents you from being respectful to others who do like it, only then does it annoy me! Since video games make up something often referred to as “Interactive Art,” the odds are high that someone will disagree with someone else about a game being good or bad. If so, it’s only fair that you be respectful about it. Otherwise, you end up becoming a jerk and saying far worse than this:

Hmm…*Massages chin*

The following was taken from a conversation I had with a fellow g1 on Screwattack about the Zelda franchise. You see, I’d stumbled upon a review of the latest entry of the franchise, and I stopped at a comment that stood out to me. So, naturally, I decided to give my take on the matter and wrote an epic response. Thus began what I’ve dubbed a “Whitly debate.” What makes these sorts of debates so unique is that, despite being very engaged and filled with content that most people can’t handle in real life, they’re usually very civil and either end in a friendly stalemate or-in the best-case scenario-a friendly truce. They’re incredibly lengthy, very sophisticated and usually result in both parties learning something. The reason for these debates being so civil (especially in this case) is that they contain an important feature that’s lacking on other sites:

Respect.

Now, I’m not one to say that Screwattack is perfect, or even that these debates can’t happen on other sites, (I’ve experienced them on Facebook and YouTube as well-shocking, I know!) but when it boils down to controversy things usually don’t end well. Things often turn into sparring matches and tend to contain such things like screaming and name-calling, just to name a few. At the end of the day, nothing gets accomplished, a few people get banned and the incident is quickly forgotten. In the case of the Zelda games, I was actually surprised that my Whitly debate remained civil. Despite me not agreeing with the other g1’s comment, nevertheless I was relieved to find that his maturity and civility prevented his liking of the Zelda franchise from turning into this:

*Sigh*

This is what I find increasingly these days. It seems as though diehards are overly passionate about the series, and to disagree with them is only asking to be a target of their rage. I know this because I was once one of those targets. Personally, I think it’s just a matter of over-reacting, but I’ve seen it before. Quite frankly, I’m surprised at how tame this thread was in comparison to others that I’ve found on the internet.

Moving on.

2. Nostalgia:

BEST GAME EVAR!!!!1111!!!!1!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve never been a big Zelda fan. I’ll admit now that I did find the franchise to be pretty cool to play, and the games kept capturing my interest, but for the most part the spark that kept appearing never truly ignited a passion-filled flame. I was always more of a Mario and Pokémon fan, as those were franchises that tended to be ones that I liked due to their simplicity and long-term appeal. Even today, being the 19 year-old that I currently am, the odds of me going for a game with Mario’s physique or a Poké Ball on the front cover are higher than me contemplating touching one with the golden emblem we know today as the Triforce. The reason for me saying this goes back to a specific section in the Whitly debate that I had with that g1 not too long ago:

Hmm…

While I can understand why he’d say this, with all due respect it’s important to keep in mind that I’m no novice when it comes to the Zelda franchise. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is a game held deeply in my nostalgic past, and I actually rented The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventure due to its multiplayer component. (Sadly, I never got to test that out.) But the thing that I’m not sure this g1 knows, or anyone else for that matter, is that there’s a reason I have that fondness for it:

It was a big part of my childhood.

Now, I know I’ve already stated that I was never a big Zelda fan for as long as I could remember, but that doesn’t mean that there weren’t any exceptions. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is that exception. Since I’ve never owned an N64 before due to my family’s financial situation, I often found myself travelling to my cousin’s house to play his games. One of the games was The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. It was a great game, one that defined what it meant to be a classic. Unfortunately, I never really got all that far in it, so the full experience was never really ingrained into my gamer persona. This playing-and-not-getting-all-that-far scenario kept recurring for the 9 years that followed, until I finally downloaded it for the VC in 2007. It was once I completed it the following summer (i.e. Summer ’08 ) that I was to discover something that was rather disappointing:

Those years spent playing this game as a child didn’t add up in the end.

I’ll admit that The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is still a fun game. That’s never changed in the slightest. Nevertheless, this quote that I found in the GT forums expresses what I’ve sometimes contemplated saying, yet never ended up going through with out of respect for the franchise and its fans:

*Sheds a tear of relief*

Now, once again, I’m aware that not everyone thinks this way; in fact, I don’t even think that I would’ve even stated it this way because I don’t agree with 75% of what the guy says. Nevertheless, I’m relieved because I now know that I’m not alone on this matter. I’m not saying that you should automatically agree with me, nor will I fault you for claiming it isn’t, but I really don’t think it’s held up after all of these years. Now, I could be wrong. I could even be full of crap, for all we know! However, the decade spent listening to the tension and build-up about this game just didn’t do it for me. I finished it and ended up feeling like something was lacking, a void that the game didn’t fill. I wanted more. Nevertheless, I still prefer it over its sequel, a game that classifies as either “like or hate” due to its gameplay mechanics.

That being said, if my failed Round Table blog from back in August is any indication of what happens when I overly express how I feel, then I think I should probably leave this section now and move on to the next one.

3. Length:

Massive map is MASSIVE!

Okay, this one’s a little weird to discuss, especially since I enjoyed The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess so much. While I can see why that’s make me look like a hypocrite, but I’d just like to state right now that the length of that game was also somewhat of an issue for me. (I never said I didn’t have problems with the game, you know!) You see, I have quite a bit of catching-up to do games-wise due to me only starting to be able to afford spending money on video games (my family gained more disposable income once I graduated from high school in ’08, as it was a fortune to learn there!) At the same time, however, I also have a lot of new stuff to look forward to (I’ll buy any game as long as it appeals to me and I own the required system.) Since games take me much longer to beat than most people due to me not being very skilled at them, I end up finding that lengthier games manage to put a limit on the amount of purchases I make. It’s not so bad if I enjoy them, but sometimes that’s not necessarily the case.

Your next question is probably the following: what does this have to do with the Zelda franchise? Well, the answer is that Zelda games tend to fall into the category of games that detract from my purchases. This is because Zelda games tend to be incredibly lengthy. Even during speedruns, the Zelda games take much longer to complete due to how material gets packed in to each game. Anyway, since Zelda games take so long, often even longer than most RPG games that I’ve played, I find myself having to dedicate large periods of time to sit down and play them from start to finish.

For example, let’s take everyone’s favourite Zelda game:

OMG BEST ZELDA EVAR!!!1!!!!1!! (Hint-hint, nudge-nudge!)

Now, while many would take me up on it, I happened all of the 65.5 hours that I spent with this game. Nevertheless, it was still a little on the long side. Gamers these days complain about how short games have become, but The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess stands as evidence that this isn’t the case. Heck, this game took up 2 months of my summer of ’07, starting from the middle of May when school ended and ending a few days before Paper Mario came out on the VC. It was a productive and enjoyable 2 months, but it was still a long time! I had to juggle my aggressive playing of the game with my summer job and my plans spent with family and friends. That was difficult to do! And it’s been that way for every Zelda game that I’ve purchased.

I guess what I’m getting at here is that Zelda games require serious commitment in order to beat them that I don’t necessarily posses. Sometimes, this commitment drags on for way too long, and it gets to be a burden for me at times. For someone like myself who wants to appreciate other games as well, it can get to be overwhelming when a single games takes a long time to complete. (It’s one of my problems with Gen 2 of Pokémon, but more on that for another day.) I don’t really have the patience for it, and I’m surprised that I didn’t detest The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess after I completed it. Then again, it’s probably the only entry I’ve played in the franchise that I’d consider re-experiencing, so I guess it wasn’t too bad!

4. Challenge:

I wonder what’d happen if this were included in a Zelda game?

As a general rule, I’m perfectly capable of handling challenging tasks. After all, life is pretty much a challenge for me on a daily basis. However, with video games it’s an entirely different story altogether. We all know that the point of a video game is to have fun, right? Well, I can only have fun with a game if I’m actually able to play it without getting overly frustrated. Such is one of the reasons why I’m not such a big fan of the Zelda franchise. It’s not that I’m incapable of doing complex thinking, it’s just that I’m incapable of doing complex thinking on the fly. This is something that’s required of me regularly with Zelda games, and it often gets me frustrated to the point where the experience is no longer enjoyable.

Let’s pull out an example from an entry that I haven’t lashed out at all that much yet:

*Grumbles*

The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass wasn’t a terrible game. It certainly wasn’t an excellent game either, but I enjoyed it more than that year-2000 N64 entry that’s now considered cool to like (even though I still don’t.) The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, while confusing, had quite a bit going for it: smooth visuals, funny dialect, quirky characters, an elaborate overworld, decent challenges and a weird story. The only thing that really annoyed me about it was that temple that easily pisses you off. This is coming from someone who had to use a walkthrough for this game because of it. Now, what was it called again? Oh yeah!

The Temple of the Ocean King.

Alright, confession time: The Temple of the Ocean King wasn’t the most frustrating experience I’ve ever had with a video game. Nope! That title belongs to a $40 waste-of-money called NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams. That being said, it was still frustrating having to keep coming back to the same temple time and time again to repeat the same tasks and find new areas to go to. It also didn’t help that I was being timed, or that I had no clue what I was supposed to be doing half of the time. Even though the game wasn’t exceedingly difficult, and I thank Nintendo for that, nevertheless that temple screwed me over when I got to the only save point and realized that I didn’t have enough sand because I didn’t realize that I had to go searching for some more of it in the ocean. It’s moments like that that make you despise a game. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t understand true frustration until I purchased this game off of the VC last summer:

*Resists urge to destroy game in picture*

What an annoying game this one was! I downloaded it because I was interested in seeing why everyone said it was so good, but I just ended up hating it instead. I played it for two weeks, got overly frustrated with it, (even with a walkthrough,) gave up and haven’t touched it since. I haven’t really gotten that far in it, but I don’t really care. There was one thing in this game that drove me crazy about it: the time limit.

Before people scream at me about how big of a wimp I am, keep in mind that I generally don’t do well in life with time limits. If they’re too long, then I find that I finish early and go crazy from boredom. If they’re too short, then I find that I feel rushed and end up with a sloppy end-result that only screws me over in the long-run. The former often occurs with tests and exams that I generally write in school, but this game is an example of the latter. I found that the three-day limit was too restricting, and the game appeared to punish me whenever I screwed up/had to save the game so that I could exit it by making me repeat the same tasks I’d already done. I know that I’ve already complained about the repetitiveness of The Temple of the Ocean King, but I found this game’s premise to be worse. If I want repetition, I’ll study to read from the Torah or prepare for a test, thank you very much! And while I’m aware of the ability to slow down time in order to make the experience roughly 2 hours and 24 minutes (according to another g1,) I don’t think that it’d help because I’m capable of using that up in one sitting and still not get anywhere.

I think what annoys me most is that Zelda diehards don’t seem to understand that this game isn’t for everyone. I’m not necessarily saying, “This game sucks!” but rather, “This isn’t a game that I particularly enjoy all that much.” Keep in mind that The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask can be perceived differently depending on who you are. If you like the game, the time limit can be good for prioritizing and memorizing patterns. I you don’t like the game, it boils down to a bunch of repetition and frustration. It may be “easier” than its predecessor, but it’s only fun if you know what you’re doing. Since I take forever to figure things out and often repeat mistakes several times in a row, my overall experience with this game became a rather negative one. If you’d like to help me, go right ahead! Just make sure to fly over to my house and navigate me through it all, thus detracting from the fun I’d have from figuring out the puzzles myself (which I wouldn’t be able to do anyway.)

However, for those who want me to get to the point, I’d like to state that I’ve had big problems with every Zelda I’ve played except for The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Even The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time had its issues! In case you want something more concise than that, here’s the Reader’s Digest version of what I’m trying to say:

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess > The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time > The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass > The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask.

Of course, this is only based on personal experience. It could be different for other people. Regardless, I’d just like to state that overall frustrations presented from the challenge are somewhat off-putting, hence one of the reasons why I’m not that big on the franchise.

5. Preference:

Eenie-meenie-miney-ah, who gives a crap?!

Alright, here’s where we got into the controversy again. If you were to ask me what I think of the Zelda franchise in one sentence, here’s what I’d say:

The Legend of Zelda franchise is definitely a respectable franchise, but it’s somewhat of an acquired taste as well.

What I mean by this is that, despite obviously being a highly respected franchise, nevertheless Zelda games won’t necessarily be for everyone. I say this because, at the end of the day, not everyone likes Zelda games. I know this because many of my close friends don’t particularly enjoy the games, and I’m pretty sure that a few g1s don’t like it either. After all, Zelda games thrive on depth and complexity, and not everyone is fond of that when it comes to Zelda games. I know I’m not!

Now, before people accuse me of slandering the franchise for its complexity, please keep in mind that I’m not opposed to complexity in games altogether. If I were, then I probably wouldn’t be playing Pokémon and Super Smash Bros. games on a regular basis. That being said, the Pokémon and Super Smash Bros. games obtain their complexity from the simplicity of their gameplay mechanics. Pokémon is predominantly an RPG franchise that little kids can pick up and play. While the games in the franchise seem rather simplistic, at the same time they require skill to beat. The same can be said for the Super Smash Bros. series, in that, unlike the multitude of controls and move sets that exist in most fighting games, the controls and move sets here are simple enough that little kids can enjoy what the franchise has to offer as well as adults. What makes the two franchises unique is that, despite them being simple enough for newcomers to pick up and play, in the end they require skill and experience to master.

Not so with the Zelda series.

Now, I’m aware that this is somewhat of a stretch here, but I’d argue that the Zelda games require some serious skill right from the get-go in order to truly appreciate them. They’re purely hardcore games, meant for the serious gamers of the Nintendo community. The challenge level is higher than many of Nintendo’s franchises, the puzzle are more difficult to figure out and the time spent trying to beat them is much longer than most franchises out there. They’re truly sophisticated games, perhaps a little too sophisticated for my tastes. I know I’ve already discussed this somewhat, but the sophistication in these games often ruins my enjoyment of them.

Well, except for The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

Now, despite the major criticism this game receives for being “unoriginal,” nevertheless it’s the first entry I could enjoy throughout the entire experience. The game was reasonably long, the characters appropriately elaborate for what Nintendo was trying to accomplish and the world felt more alive than the other games that I’ve played. I’m aware of the irony in saying this, but it seemed to me as though The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask only had their complexities in order to compensate for how basic they really were. The former lacked elaborateness in many places (especially in the overworld,) while the latter lacked length. In The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, there were a lack of options for areas that you could go to visit. To compensate, Nintendo added the gimmicks of time travel, a time limit and a temple that drove me crazy in the respective games. While I wasn’t pleased with the fetch quests found in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, nevertheless I didn’t feel like anything was being held back. It felt like a more immersive experience to me, thus making me appreciate it for what it was a little bit more.

Nevertheless, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess doesn’t seem to catch a break these days, does it?

Now, I’m aware that people were disappointed with this game in terms of what it did wrong, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy it more than the rest! Part of my Whitly debate involved the person I was conversing with stating that The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is only a good gateway entry for the franchise. While it’s certainly not my first game that I’ve played in the series, at the same time I fail to understand why I can’t consider it to be my favourite entry; after all, opinions exist for a reason, right? And believe me, I don’t have an issue with GameSpot giving it an 8.8 score. Even though I think that that’d still be a bit too high a score for both The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, nevertheless I understand and respect the opinions of the professional reviewers that I often make fun of.

With all of that being said, I’m not sure if I’d get the same satisfaction from other entries in the franchise. Even with the one I like the most, I still found that my desires to replay that game weren’t immediate. I guess the core reason for that, like I said, is all about preference. It’s that preference that turned me off from the franchise as a whole. Since I don’t think that it’ll turn on for me in the near future, I’d say that it’s probably for the best this way!

**********************************************

Wow! This was one massive blog! Nevertheless, I kept true to my word and made this shorter than my last. Once again, I apologize if this didn’t turn out so great, but I had to get this off of my chest. Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Because the song I started this with is over, I shall now leave you with my favourite Zelda tune (I never said I didn’t like the music from the franchise!)

It’s really something special, isn’t it?

Whitly's Infamous 7: Wii Games

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 20:42:08 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! As I celebrate the posting of my 100th, unofficial blog on Screwattack, I figured that I’d like to make it something special. So, after a little thinking of things through, I finally decided that an Infamous 7 on Wii games would be a good choice. Now, just so that newcomers know this, Infamous 7s are based off of a series made by g1 Elmo 3000 called “Elmo’s Famous Five.” The objective of that series is to take any given franchise and rank the entries in terms of the best, the worst and those you may or may not want to give a second chance. Back in 3.0, Elmo’s Famous Five was a rather popular series, often getting the established g1 some of the many Top-Posts that eventually accumulated into his final total of points. Since I was looking for a way to help make myself known back when my account was officially reinstated, I figured that it’d be a good idea to take that idea and add two additions of my own. Thus, “Whitly’s Infamous 7” was born.

Now, I think it’s important to know that the Wii is the only console of this generation that I actually own (aside from my DS Lite, but that’s not important.) The reason for this is due to financial and personal reasons that I’d rather not discuss right now. Anyway, at the moment I have 20, standalone titles for the system, and I enjoy most of them. Therefore, what better way to do this then to pick 7 of them and discuss them in greater detail? Now, I’d just like to mention right now that you may or may not agree with my selection, although the latter will seem more plausible considering my picks. Should this occur, please be respectful about it. I worked incredibly hard on this, so the most you can do is be mindful of that!

Anyway, without further ado, let’s begin!

(WARNING: The following post is very lengthy. Therefore, in order to help digest the material, I recommend people taking breaks in between selections in order to help process what’s being said here, or read select sections. Should you choose not to, then it’s your loss! Just don’t go complaining that it’s too long if you read it in one sitting!)

The Perfect One

Super Mario Galaxy

Super Mario Galaxy is truly an excellent game. From the moment you first pick it up, to the moment that you beat it, the game immerses you in a rich experience capable of reminding you about what makes gaming so great. The game is an achievement of epic proportions, one that very few games have been able to achieve these days. I remember when it was first announced to be for the Wii back in 2007, and this made me instantly excited because I’m a huge Mario fan. When I purchased it in order to do a review on it for my school newspaper, I was to fully experience why this game truly is a masterpiece:

First and foremost, the game stays true to what makes 3D Mario games what they are: collecting and exploring. In Super Mario 64, your objective is to collect Power Stars in an attempt to rescue Princess Peach from the clutches of Bowser. Each of the 120 Power Stars were scattered throughout the various worlds, and each of them required a different strategy in order to achieve them. Some of the Power Stars simply required looking around for them, while others could only be obtained via a specific objective. Super Mario Sunshine elaborated on this by causing you to have to clean your way through Isle Delfino in order to obtain Shine Sprites. It was a really strange concept to use, but it ended up working out fine.

In this regard, Super Mario Galaxy does the same. You travel from planetoid to planetoid via a series of launch pads in order to collect the various Power Stars scattered throughout and repower Rosalina’s observatory. While it may seem a little disappointing that the range of free-roaming exploration is more limited this time around than in its predecessors, at the end of the day (once you’ve sat down and played it for a long enough period of time) the ability to breeze through the air and work against the flow of gravity completely makes up for it. True, the ability to hop from platform to platform in the previous games was fun, but it had the potential to get a little dull and stale after a while for some people. Since Super Mario Galaxy requires you to travel to different sections of a world via launch pads, it helped to break things up and make the constant hopping back and forth seem less dull. I often found myself purposely abusing the launch pads just so that I could have some more time in the air, as I considered that to be a lot of fun. It’s stuff like this that makes the game so enjoyable, as I never actually got the chance to do this in the prior games in the series.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another thing that I liked about this game is how smooth the controls are. A lot of people complain about how terrible the Wiimote is to control with, but I think that Super Mario Galaxy is proof that this isn’t necessarily the case. The ability to maneuver with the joystick and twirl Mario around with the flick of the Wiimote made for immense satisfaction while traversing the individual planetoids. Precision of the A and Z buttons allowed for much smoother jumping and back flipping than games prior. I’m aware that Super Mario 64 and Super Mario Sunshine had controls that were far from being broken, but I found that they weren’t always as precise as I would’ve wanted them to be. This game didn’t really have that issue. And while I’ve heard people say that Super Mario Galaxy could’ve worked with just a Gamecube controller, nevertheless I don’t think it would’ve been the same if it did. This game is fine with the Wiimote and demonstrates how to properly use it, so making the game without it would’ve caused that demonstrative opportunity to become permanently lost.

With regards to the use of creativity in this game, it can easily be found in the level designs and music scores. This is because both are top-notch in their own ways. The level designs opt for colour and style over desaturation and realism, a perfect choice in this case. The worlds range from a haunted mansion, to a tropical paradise, to even a giant toy set. The sheer brilliance of these worlds is further complimented by the lovely choice of fully orchestrated tunes. Some of these tunes include the relaxing Rosalina’s Observatory

to the nostalgic throwback known as Toy Time Galaxy

to the lullaby-like Rosalina’s Story

all the way to my personal favourite tune, the epic masterpiece known solely as Gusty Garden Galaxy

amongst others. The tunes in this game are so catchy that I often find myself humming along as I listen to them. They’re that good!

But what makes this game the best on the Wii is that, despite not being as difficult as past games in the franchise, Super Mario Galaxy maintains a strong balance between the nostalgic throwbacks of old and the technological advances of new. The game has something for people of all ages, and it even manages to have replay value and a long-term fun-factor in an age where many games lack it. It’s truly a modern masterpiece, and you’d be hard-pressed to not try this game at least once!

The Close Contender

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

I have a confession to make: I’m not a big Zelda fan. *Gasp* Yeah, it’s true. I’ve never really been able to appreciate the series. I mean, I understand their significance in the gaming world and I know that the franchise is consistently high quality, but I’ve never really been big on them. I’ve only played 4 games in the series, and each one I had issues with:

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time: Good game, but the 9 years it took me to beat it didn’t compensate for the disappointment I had once I completed it.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask: An improvement over its prequel in some ways, but not enough to forgive how frustrating and repetitive it was to play it (although I’ll admit that it’s not for everyone.)

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess: It took about 5 hours of gameplay to begin to like it.

The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass: This game was so confusing that I actually screwed myself over by not having enough sand to keep me alive in the lower levels of the Sand Temple.

Nevertheless, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is my favourite of the four and is probably the only one I’d consider replaying if I had the time to do so. Why’s this so? Simple: I had fun throughout the entire 65.5 hour experience that I had with it. Even with the criticism the game constantly receives, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is still the only entry I’d actually say was epic. In order to further explain why this is, allow me to go into a little more depth:

To start, the game had a guide that I actually liked.

I'm on to you! *Glares*

That’s right, I didn’t mind Midna at all, even though she was constantly rude to me and kept treating me like I was some sort of idiot. Of course, that’s not to say that I liked Midna right from the get-go, but she grew on me. I know that some people won’t understand what I mean by this, but her rude personality meant that she was more to the point than Navi ever was. By the way, in case people are wondering, I didn’t find Navi annoying. Someone who only nudges you once every hour or so can’t be considered annoying. Rather, I found Navi to be useless. I know that some of you will want to debate this with me, but I stand by what I said. I found that Navi’s advice was either illogical or confusing, even though I’m aware that she was trying to help. Midna, while not necessarily nice to me, at least gave me hints that I understood. Also, I could call on Midna whenever I wanted help and she didn’t distract me in the middle of a battle, so she automatically becomes the better guide in my books despite the constant debates that go on all of the time.

To add to this, I found that the overworld was greatly improved upon from the N64 titles. True, the overworld was easier to navigate through and more interconnected in both of the N64 games, but both of those overworlds felt like they were lacking something. In The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, you had a basic and empty layout with only 5 minutes from sunrise to sunset to get to a destination. If you didn’t make it on time you weren’t exactly penalized, but you wouldn’t be able to access certain locations because they were closed for the night. All of this required a sense of being rushed and prevented me from being able to stop and admire how big Hyrule Field really was, something that became even worse with Termina’s 3-day time limit in The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask. To add to this, the former had very few enemies to fight (they usually only came out at night) aside from that palm tree-like beast (forget what it’s called) that killed you if you weren’t careful, while the latter only had enemies in select few areas.

But this game is a different story altogether. This is an area that I think The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess improved on significantly. Yes, I’ll admit that the overworld was a little bit too big for its own good at times, but I found that it had more life to it. The layout had more going on in terms of enemies and architecture. All around me I could see the vastly different regions and locations, as well as what I could expect from each one. The different enemies I kept encountering were a reminder that Hyrule was a world of its own and not just some space that got you from point A to point B. As well, the night and day structures of the overworld were loosened up and stretched out significantly in length, and this added for a more immersive and Tolkienesque experience while traversing through it. I’m aware that most people wouldn’t agree with me on this, but to each his own I suppose!

The Overworld, aka “Tolkien’s Wet Dream in Game Form.”

Another thing that I liked about this game is the way in which it takes advantage of the controls. Now, I only have the Wii version of the game, so I can only talk about it from that viewpoint, but I really like the way in which the controls are implemented in that version. They’re smooth, accurate and incredibly responsive. Even with the wolf they still work great, although they take some getting used to. Unfortunately, there are slight issues with regards to the controls, but that’s only minor in the grand scheme of things.

One of the best parts about this game has to be its soundtrack. I’d like to take the time to state that I don’t agree entirely about the game lacking quality tunes. Yes, they’re not as a great as the classic tunes from the franchise, but they’re still epic nonetheless. Some of my favourites include the Overworld Theme

and Argarok Battle

amongst others. Some of the tunes are a little bit weak considering the available technology, but the overall scores are still pretty good!

There are other complaints that people constantly throw out about this game-like the final fight with Ganondorf, which I’d claim is nowhere near as bad as Emperor Palpatine’s death in the 6th Star Wars film…or the lack of difficulty, which I don’t care about because the excess of difficulty killed a good chunk of my enjoyment of the N64 games…or even that it brought nothing new to the table, which I don’t think is true because I don’t remember being able to battle enemies on top of Epona in the previous entries-but to rebuttal all of them would take forever to do. The primary reason why I’d consider this the runner-up is because it fills that need for a big, Action-Adventure game in a way that only Nintendo can. And just so everyone here knows, I haven’t played Okami, so I won’t be able to understand the comparisons if you were to make them. Good? Moving on!

The Honourable Mention

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Super Smash Bros. Brawl is an excellent game. I know that this’ll put me just as much in the minority for saying this as it will put me in hot water for saying this, but I think it surpasses Super Smash Bros. Melee in some regards as well. *Gasp*

Oh hush, will you?!

Alright, confession time: Super Smash Bros. Melee was never a bad game; in fact, the entire franchise has yet to release a stinker (at least, from what I’ve experienced.) Nevertheless, while Super Smash Bros. Melee is still a great, there were still a few things I never really liked about it that I think Super Smash Bros. Brawl improved upon. Of course, in order to explain them to you, two things will have to occur first: 1. Any sentiments that you have for either game have to be put aside temporarily. 2. You have to acknowledge that my stance, just like your stance, is subjective and not necessarily absolute truth. If you can’t do that, feel free to stop reading this section. I’m not forcing you to continue. Can you agree to this? Good, let’s begin.

One of the first things that I found always bothered me about Super Smash Bros. Melee was its slightly unbalanced roster of characters. While this was never a major issue for me, nevertheless it got to be a little bit of a nuisance at times. I know this’ll sound strange, but I’ve never been great at video games. They often take me 3 times longer to learn how to play and 10 times longer to beat than most gamers. For example, it took me 12 years to beat Super Mario 64 simply because I didn’t realize that I’m not supposed to slow down when I swing Bowser by his tail. So to know that I’d always lose against my brothers if I chose Kirby and they chose Donkey Kong and Bowser meant that I’d always be screaming at the top of my lungs and storming out of the room after a few matches. It was never a pleasant thing to endure, and I’m glad that Super Smash Bros. Brawl now gives me the ability to actually win a few rounds on a more balanced terrain.

Another thing that I didn’t like about Super Smash Bros. Melee is how difficult some of the Event Matches were at times. Just like in multiplayer, I found myself getting incredibly frustrated 30-40 times in a row because “that one challenge is almost impossible.” I remember often going to www.gamewinners.com just to look up how to beat these matches, often with little to no success. Sometimes I had to get my younger brother (who, for some reason, is more skilled than I am at video games) to beat these challenges for me, and even then it wasn’t always a guarantee. To this day, Event Match #51 remains incomplete. With Super Smash Bros. Brawl, not only did I complete all of the challenges, but I did so without having to resort to brotherly help and miss out on the satisfaction gained from having completed these challenges on my own.

When it comes to the story aspects of both games, I’d say I’m a little mixed. On one hand, having an elaborate story mode that enables a friend to join in adds for a little more depth that the Gamecube game lacked. The gaming formula in that mode is actually pretty good, and it’s most-certainly a nice breather from having to replay the same, 20-minute, been-there-done-that adventure for the 500th time. Nevertheless, I’ll admit that it’s not as replayable as the Gamecube’s and had a ridiculous boss that had an unfair advantage over you each time he releases a surge of energy from his body. However, it was a nice change of pace from the games prior, and it’s a shame that it was a little bit of a letdown.

The next thing that always bothered me about Super Smash Bros. Melee-and here’s where a respectful disagreement would be welcome-is all of the complexity involved in unlocking some of the characters. While some of them were reasonable (complete Adventure Mode with any character in order to unlock Jigglypuff,) others were really difficult and some were just downright strange. (For me to unlock Mr. Game & Watch, I went to the Tournament Mode, set a bunch of 1-life matches with no one else and proceeded to get the other person to commit suicide. I did this straight for 3 hours without stop, no joke!) In a way, while I’m somewhat disappointed that the story mode in Super Smash Bros. Brawl detracted from having you face the individual unlockables, nevertheless I was relieved to find out that I didn’t have to exploit the game’s loopholes in order to acquire the entire roster of characters.

You must play professionally, or have no life, in order to unlock this character…

One thing that I think we can all agree on is that Super Smash Bros. Brawl has the better soundtrack of the two games. To see what I mean, let’s compare the opening themes from the two games. First, the Gamecube game:

Next, the Wii game:

While both tunes are epic in their own rights, at the end of the day it’s clear that the Wii version had more time and effort put into it, and it shows. It’s not even a fair comparison to make. There are other tunes in Super Smash Bros. Brawl that I really like as well, but my favourite has to be the kickback to nostalgia that’s pretty much just a compilation of some of the best from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time:

The reason I like this tune so much is because it takes the best tunes from a masterpiece, remixes each one and then blends them together into something epic. When comparing the tunes from both games, Super Smash Bros. Melee gets blown out of the water.

Of course, that’s not to say that Super Smash Bros. Brawl is perfect, as it isn’t. However, the fact that I hear more criticism about it these days than I do praise worries me a little bit, as it’s still a good game. Also, some of the complainers put Super Smash Bros. Melee up on an untouchable pedestal in relation to its successor, which I think is a little dishonest. The Gamecube game was never perfect (in fact, a few people I know personally think it’s overrated,) so pretending that it is hides any of its noticeable flaws and deceives people into thinking the Wii game is crap (which I don’t think it is.) In fact, the game makes this spot because, despite its problems, it’s still one of the best experiences that you can have on the Wii and is one that’ll keep you engrossed for hours/make you want to constantly come back for more. I think that that’s worth something, no?

The ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Game

Mario Kart Wii

The Mario Kart series is an unusual one, as it manages to encompass a wide range in terms of quality. Some of the games are excellent, some are terrible and a few fall roughly in between. Mario Kart Wii is an example of the third category: it’s not a superb game in any way, shape or form, but I can’t give it the title of atrocious due to Mario Kart: Super Circuit already having earned that title 7 years prior to the Wii game’s release. While it’s dumbfounding that critics can give praise to a terrible launch title for the GBA, at the same time it’s insulting to see them over exaggerate the issues with a respectable Wii game. Nevertheless, Mario Kart Wii is still somewhat flawed, so it’s time to rip this baby apart and explain to you why you may or may not like it:

First and foremost, Mario Kart Wii suffers from a minor case of loose controls. While not necessarily “Drunk Driving” loose (that title belongs to the GBA game,) I’d still consider them “Coated in Grease” loose. What this means is that the controls work a little too well, as they’re overly responsive and cause you to turn sharply with even the slightest twitch of your shoulders. For someone with good hand-eye coordination, this shouldn’t be too much of an issue, but for a person who has Tourettes Syndrome (like myself,) gets irritated easily, is fidgety, has a short attention-span or just so happens to sneeze without warning, it can get to be somewhat of an issue. Of course, it’s easy to remedy this: while the controls are loose, it’s nothing a little practice can’t fix!

To add to this, the game suffers from a terrible case of Rubber-Band AI Syndrome. What this means is that, regardless of how far in the lead you are, the enemy AI will always seem three steps ahead of you. While some people will enjoy this, others (like myself) will find it a little annoying at times. When coupled with the slippery controls, it can even be somewhat irritating. Add in some overpowered weapons (the Blue Shell is one to be feared in this game) and the ability to lose control of your character once you get hit, and it can turn some people off entirely. Once again, though, the easy solution is a little practice, regardless of how annoying that may be.

Adding to the frustrations is the game’s fetish with always having 12 characters in the game at all times. It makes sense on a basic level (the courses were designed with 12 characters in mind,) but it can be annoying if you just want a private race with a friend or two. As well, since the game constantly insists on 12 characters at once, things can get to be a little hectic if you’re not careful. I know that some people won’t mind this at all, but I found that it got in the way of my enjoyment at times. But it’s bearable, which is good if you’re someone who gets overwhelmed easily.

MAMA MIA! There’s-a so many people on the screen! 0_0 (Courtesy of Empebot.)

Once you put aside the game’s flaws, there’s a lot of good stuff to talk about as well! For starters, the game’s still fun to play. Yes, the balancing issues will persist, but newcomers to the series will actually be able to appreciate the franchise for what it is because they’ll be able to stand a chance against the veterans. To add to this, the online is fluid and lag-free. Super Smash Bros. Brawl suffered from major lag (even though I don’t really mind it,) but this game’s online is smooth and fun to play, and this is coming from someone who thinks online gaming is overrated! Granted the load times are atrocious when trying to establish a match, but once you’re in there are no problems whatsoever.

But the best part about this game, aside from the variety of vehicles, the insane tricks that you can pull off in mid-air and the varied designs/colours of the individual stages, is the music. While it’s not as epic as, say, Super Smash Bros. Brawl or Super Mario Galaxy, it’s hard to go wrong with the Rainbow Road theme in this game:

Regardless of what people have said to me about this tune, I still think it’s calm and very relaxing to listen to. But that’s pretty much how the entire game is: full of problems, yet still fun to play nonetheless. That being said, it’s not for everyone. Also, it’s still much better than roughly 85% of the Wii’s library at the moment. Go figure!

The Underrated One

Blast-Works: Build, Trade, Destroy

Generally speaking, I’m not a fan of hard games. I find them confusing, frustrating and a real chore to play. I’m sure many of you won’t agree with me on this, but I prefer an easy and fun game over a difficult and frustrating game any day, as it means that I can actually enjoy it without forcing myself to sit through it all. Blast-Works: Build, Trade, Destroy stands out as one of the few exceptions to this rule. It’s challenging, but not challenging to the point of sheer annoyance. That could have partly to do with how lenient the game is, but I find this title to be 100 times more fun than The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask simply because there isn’t a frustrating clause built into the game mechanics that I can’t handle. But I guess the following question now remains, what’s so special about this game that makes me like it so much? well, allow me to shed some metaphorical light on that:

First and foremost, this is a sidescrolling shooter. For some reason, I tend to enjoy sidescrolling shooters as a genre despite how difficult they may be, as they enable me to always shoot what’s ahead. I know that this is the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard me say, and I somewhat agree. It really is a stupid reason. However, what makes me appreciate sidescrolling shooters is that the screen is constantly moving instead of me having to move forward myself. Also, since sidescrolling shooters often tend to give your ship unlimited ammo, all I have to do is hold down the fire button for an entire level and I’m set.

To add to this, the ability to move up and down instead of only left to right enables for a wider range to play the game with. Once again, this is something that sidescrolling shooters tend to do. It’s something I’ve always liked about them. In many sidescrollers, you’re limited to a flat plain. That’s always bothered me because it leaves me vulnerable from above as well as from all around me. Unless I have unlimited lives (like in the Metal Slug series,) I’m often bound to get frustrated fairly quickly. Since sidescrolling shooters allow for a wider scope of movement, I tend to enjoy them a bit more. That’s not to say that I like all sidescrolling shooters, but in the case of this game it certainly helps!

For this particular game, there’s one specific feature about it that makes me like what it has to offer:

You can expand your ship with pieces from other ships.

Now I know that this game has come under heavy criticism for that very feature, but I actually think it works in the game’s favor. You see, one of the things I stated earlier for why I’m not generally fond of sidescrollers is because you’re often left exposed from all sides. With Blast-Works: Build, Trade, Destroy, you’re actually able to collect ship pieces and use them to fortify yourself. Of course, the pieces fall off once they get hit, but they have the added advantages of giving you extra firepower and being able to become hidden with the holding down of Z. This inclusion, while making the game more forgiving, also allows for some strategic planning and thinking whilst playing this game.

TENTA****IS!

With regards to this game specifically, there are some nice features that make it stand out from the crowd. One of those features is the visual style. Instead of opting for pure 2D like most sidescrolling shooters, this one goes for a more polygonal look. The game is somewhat 3D in terms of visuals, but not quite there yet. It’s probably more of a 2.5D style, something I’ve never seen with this type of a game before. That being said, it also has that cell-shaded look about it, which automatically scores it some points in my books (I’m a huge fan of cell-shading!) The distinct style to this game adds for something rather unique, which is what I think many games lack these days.

Another thing about this game that I like about it is the ability to play it with a few friends. The opportunity for a bunch of close buddies enables for some great gameplay experiences. So far, I’ve played this game with my brother, a few friends and a cousin, and each time we liked it. It’s that good! I wish more games would strive for something like that, but oh well!

But perhaps the best part about this game is that, at the end of the day, it’s very forgiving, and this is great because I don’t enjoy torturing myself in order to have fun. You always have 3 continues in Arcade Mode, as well as several lives for each. This gives you the ability to play for longer periods of time, which is welcome in my books! However, I can’t help but notice how short the game really is. This is a common occurrence with sidescrollers, particularly hard ones. I remember getting as far as Level 7, dying, turning off the game and looking at my time spent playing it: 17 minutes. That’s not very long, especially considering that most games these days are about 5-10 hours long. Nevertheless, the game’s leniency and high replay-value more than make up for that, which isn’t something that I can say about most games these days!

I won’t say much about the music, as I never really found it all that memorable. That being said, it’s techno and it’s decent, so you might think differently than me about that. I will, however, mention right now that the intro for the game is awesome! It’s very techno and uses a steady loop to convey what the game’s all about. Unfortunately I can’t find it, so I’ll let you watch some gameplay footage instead:

SHOOT TO KILL! (Courtesy of Furan3000.)

Overall, though, this is a fun game. It’s short, but satisfying. It’s hard, but forgiving. The music’s alright, but not anything special. It also has the option for multiplayer, which is a nice change of pace for those who generally like sidescrollers. And while it’s certainly not the best game on the Wii at the moment, nevertheless it’s still a very good one. I’d recommend trying it out for yourself, but that’s just me!

The ‘Black-Sheep’

Excitebots: Trick Racing

From the second I first heard about this game in January of last year, I knew that it’d be weird! I didn’t realize exactly how weird until I purchased it a few months later. Excitebots: Trick Racing is one of those games that thrives in absurdity, all the while making sure that you enjoy every second of it. It’s the Wii’s guiltiest guilty-pleasure, which means that various groups of people will like it and still find it just as silly to play as those who think it’s too ridiculous to actually enjoy. Personally, I think it’s an excellent game, although its insanity can be a little excessive at times!

One of the key things you need to know about this game is that its learning curve is both very shallow and incredibly deep simultaneously. There are some parts that you’ll be able to master with ease, while others will drive you bonkers from how difficult and frustrating they are. For example, performing tricks in the air with your robot vehicle is relatively simple, while specific techniques that pop-up near the various poles can be a struggle to adapt to. These poles will require you to shake your Wiimote rapidly up and down in order to propel you up into the air, or twirl it around in various loops in order to gain enough momentum to go shooting through the air. It’s often confusing to get the hang of, but it’s very satisfying once you get the hang of it.

The controls in this game are somewhat of an acquired taste to learn. They work and-for the most part-are fluid, but you have to be willing to give them a chance in order to actually master them. Turning your Wii Wheel or stand-alone Wiimote slightly to the left or to the right steers your robot. Acceleration is done with 1, while 2 is supposed to slow you down. That being said, considering that you have to let go of 1 to press 2, it’s almost irrelevant because your robot slows down automatically once you let go of 1 anyway.

The designs of the courses are just as much generic as they are original. While the backgrounds are constantly reused in each rank, the obstacles a varied enough to make each level unique. The obstacles range from logical (making big jumps, bumping enemies,) to illogical (making your car walk on its hind legs, gliding through the air,) to just flat out pointless (throwing the pie at the clown, collecting butterflies, making a sandwich.) The various things you have to do in this game will make you wonder if the developers were slowly going insane when they programmed this game, yet the seemingly-pointless objectives make for enough cheap laughs that you won’t really care at the end of the day.

That being said, there are some interesting and fun minigames to be had here. They involve playing a game of Poker, Soccer, Football, Bowling, Baseball or anything else that seems out of place in a racing game. Personally, I think the minigames are more entertaining than the actual races themselves, but that’s just me. Nevertheless, I will state that the minigames are indeed fun. What’s even better is that the game rewards you for playing and doing well in them. Can’t go wrong there!

ROYAL FLUSH! Whoops, wrong move…

One of things that I like about this game is that getting in first place doesn’t guarantee a victory. True, it certainly helps, but it doesn’t mean that it’ll happen. What does guarantee a victory is the amount of stars you have at the end of each race. Completing wacky assignments like doing a triple spin in the air or gliding on a handrail and landing on the ground without crashing can collect these stars. The more precise you are, the higher the number of stars you usually get. Collecting stars is important, as they help you progress through the game and unlock different robots and colours to paint them with.

The online modes in this game are solid. The load times can be annoying, but once you get into a game they’re quite a lot of fun. Before each match, you have the option of gambling stars to see who’ll win the round. Once the round is over, a wheel will spin to determine how many stars each racer will get. If you’re not interested in racing online, there’s a 2-Player offline mode as well. It’s not as elaborate as the online mode, but it’s still top-notch considering what this game is.

One of the defining attributes of this game is that it’s perfect for when you’re stoned or on LSD. The bright colours rush out at you rather quickly, and the difficulty and insanity of the various courses are something that a frequent marijuana user would like instantly. For those who are more timid in nature, a simple sugar rush will do. That being said, it’s a game that anyone can learn to appreciate, which is a good thing because the game is sometimes too all over the place for its own good.

Proceed to lightspeed!

One of the things that solidifies this game as the Black Sheep is the strange soundtrack. I’d like to give you a sample. Be warned, though: the odds are 50-50 that you’ll shut this off 10 seconds after it starts:

As you can tell, the tunes aren’t for everyone. If you don’t like the style, then they’ll instantly turn you off. If you’re flexible, then they can actually be quite fun! Me? I’m undecided. They’re not very memorable in comparison to other games on the Wii, but they’re fun nonetheless! It’s just too bad that you don’t have the option to turn them off if you don’t like them, though.

Bottom line, this is a fun and quirky game. It’s high in replayability, but it’s overblown in some regards. The controls are great, but they take some adjusting. The game is extremely fast-paced, but you’ll enjoy every second of it. This literally defines hidden gem, and it’s a shame it didn’t sell all that well. Then again, I don’t think it would’ve had a big following anyway, so perhaps it’s not such a big deal!

The One to Avoid

NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams

NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams had the potential to be a great game. It had a cool mascot, an interesting world, some kids with a mission, a brilliant villain and some slight elements of fun squeezed in here and there. The game isn’t the worst game ever made, but it’s definitely the worst game I own at the moment. You’d think that a game based off of the holiday of Christmas would at least be decent. Unfortunately, despite all of the cool ideas, the game lacked one thing:

Execution.

In order to understand what I mean, allow me to introduce to you Sega’s often forgotten mascot of the mid-90’s:

NiGHTS: Rescuing your dreams one Nightmaren at a time.

This is NiGHTS. Back in the mid-90’s, when Sonic was on a temporary leave of absence, Sega Team decided to create a little-known game in 1996 for the Sega Saturn known only as NiGHTS into Dreams. Despite not selling well, the game was a critical success and is considered one of the best games on the system to date. Miyamoto himself even stated that if there was one game he’d wished he’d made, it was NiGHTS into Dreams. Unfortunately, due to low sales, Sega soon forgot NiGHTS for 11 years.

In early 2007, Sega announced plans to revive the franchise exclusively for the Wii. The game was given the title of NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams, as it was slated for release on December 24th, 2007. The game was given an advertising budget, and I vaguely remember seeing a commercial for the game. That being said, Nintendo Power had full coverage of the game. One of the issues had NiGHTS featured on the front page, with an elaborate section discussing the new game. Needless to say, I was intrigued. Up until that point, I’d only heard of NiGHTS in passing. Since Nintendo Power did such a great job advertising the game, it makes me all the more embarrassed that I bought in to their hype.

Now, I like Nintendo Power. I really do. That being said, their decision to have the resident Sega fanboy review this game led me to make a huge mistake. What I saw was a 9.0 score, but what I got was something else entirely. When I purchased this game on December 24th, 2007, it wasn’t until I got home that I’d realize that I’d made a terrible mistake. No sooner did I pop the disc in and began playing that I realized that I’d just wasted $40 that I’d never get back.

The first and biggest issue I have with this game is the controls. The controls in this game are terrible. You have the options of a Gamecube controller, Classic controller or Wiimote + Nunchuk combination. Of the three methods of control, I’d say that the Wiimote + Nunchuk combination works best. It’s easiest to coordinate your character’s movements with, and it’s also the most responsive of the three. Nevertheless, the controls are glitchy and stiff. The joystick is an annoyance to maneuver with, and the A and B buttons don’t always respond. I find that they even do the opposite of what I want to them to do, which isn’t so great because of the time limit feature (which is a separate issue onto itself.)

The control issues only worsen once you use NiGHTS in game. He’s slow, makes gigantic turns and loops and can never catch up or turn fast enough when chasing after his target. It certainly doesn’t help that so many parts of the main game are time based, so trying to successfully complete a series of loop-de-loops and enemy eliminations is a painful process. What’s even worse than that is that, if you don’t reach your objective by the time you get back to the jail cell you started from, you have to repeat the entire cycle all over again. For an on-rails game, this gets to be repetitive rather quickly. Factor that in with a time limit that doesn’t take into account your inevitable screw-ups, and you’re left with an “it has to be perfect or you're screwed” mechanic that drags on throughout the entire game.

“I can’t se where I’m go-OOF!”

Another thing I don’t like about this game are the forced side-missions. One of the big problems that the original game supposedly had is that, despite being well received, the game was too short. The original game only had 7 levels, and each one was roughly a 7-minute ordeal. To fix this, Sonic Team decided to sink to the lowest-of-the-low and include frustrating missions that you’re required to complete in order to access the next world. While the ideas are fun in principle, they’re poorly carried out in practice. I don’t know about you, but I’d hate having to rescue a bunch of whining Nightopians from a cyclone in less than 3-minutes, especially if they move quickly and you move slower than molasses in January (I feel old for using that joke!) Some of them can be fun for a while, but they quickly become a burden due to unresponsive controls and the frustrating timer feature.

With regards to the overworld hub, Sonic Team decided to take a cue from the Sonic Adventure games and make a Nightopian playground for you to raise baby Nightopians. It’s a great idea in theory, but it falls flat on its face in actuality due to poor execution. The playground is very basic in design. It lacks the emotion and depth that Chao Garden had simply because it was treated as an afterthought. There isn’t much to do in it other than throw Nightopians and watch the clouds get darker as more Nightmarens appear. I like that it uses real-life weather patterns to simulate the environment, and it actually started snowing and playing Christmas tunes when I went into it the day I got it. I found it to be a neat touch to an already-doomed game, and it’s a shame that Sonic Team worked hard enough to include that but not hard enough to make the playground interesting.

But one of the biggest off-puttings this game had to offer is the cheesiness of the cutscenes. The first time you see them they can’t be skipped, so you have to sit and endure NiGHTS’ testosterone-lacking, high-pitched voice that makes even the most hardcore Brits complain that Sega isn’t trying. The voices feel forced, rushed and inconsistent. I actually had a hard time understanding NiGHTS at first due to how inconsistent his accent is, but it’s really bad! Also, why do all of the cutscenes involving NiGHTS speaking to Reala involve NiGHTS getting captured? He’s friggin’ NiGHTS for crying out loud! If he’s smart enough to know that Wiseman is evil and that Reala works for him, how come he’s not smart enough to know not to trust Reala? Better yet, why do I always end up having to save him afterward?

There are so many more things to complain about with this game-like how the multiplayer mode (yeah, it has one) feels like it was tacked on at the last second, or how the owl in this game puts Kaepora Gaebora from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time to shame in terms of annoyance-but I’ll close this up. I’ve spent enough time blasting this game that I’d probably have to spend another 2 pages if I were to ever cover everything. Instead, I’ll just end by saying that this game is possessed. I’ve attempted trying to sell it 12 times already, but each time I try I’m always forced back for another play. My only advice is to avoid it at the most or rent it at the least. It had some good ideas, and I can see why people would’ve liked the original, but this game is just another nail in the coffin for Sonic Team. The only thing I’ll say now is that, while it’s a shame that not many people know who NiGHTS is, it’s partly Sega’s fault for letting one of the few saviours of the Sega Saturn go to waste like this.

Well, that about wraps it up for me! If you managed to read this entire thing, I applaud you for it. My stuff usually isn’t this long, but it’s hard summing up the Wii in less than 3000 words. Just so you know, though, my next blog won’t be this long, so don’t worry about that! Well, until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

RANT TIME!!! Dear V3 Vets: Whitly's Open-Letter to the Screwattack Community

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 09:39:07 -0500

(I’ll give the option this time:

Trainer Battle – Pokémon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum

Lakeside – Pokémon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum

What can I say? I like these tunes! Enjoy!)

(Note: Some of this will be a little extreme, but I have to get it off of my chest.)

Hey g1s! Whitly here! Ever since 4.0 launched back in November, I’ve been noticing a rather subtle trend of V3 vets being particularly cold toward V4 newbies. Even though I can understand and even share some of the frustrations that the vets have, nevertheless I think that this cold attitude is just plain wrong. While not all of the V3 vets are complaining, nevertheless some of them still are. Since it’s not the V4 newbies’ faults that they’re newbies, being disrespectful and playing the contempt card is unfair to them. So, in an attempt to right this wrong, I’ve decided to tackle this issue in the most unconventional manner ever: an open letter. Without further delay, let’s get started:

Dear V3 vets:

I’d like to discuss with you something as a fellow V3 vet. It appears as though, ever since V4 launched, there has been a mild case of contempt for the V4 newbies simply because they don’t have as much experience as we do on this site. It could be anything from questionable PMs, to rating their stuff low and not giving good reasons for why, to even making rude comments about them/writing rude blogs about them. Now, there are times when even I get a little worked up over them, but I try my hardest to not let my frustrations get the best of me.

What exactly am I talking about? Well, it appears as though many of the V3 vets are suffering from a bad case of I Miss 3.0 Syndrome. To make it easier to understand, it seems as though the V3 vets miss this:

The V3 Screwattack logo. Despite what I say, there’s simply no denying that 3.0 was epic!

It appears as though many V3 vets were very fond of V3. I know this because I was one of them. True, I’ll admit that V3 was far from perfect. In fact, it suffered from severe limitations that often prevented less-popular g1s from becoming well known. In order to better understand what I mean, allow me to give those who are new here some background on the structure of 3.0:

Assuming I’ve got it correct, 3.0 launched in early-March of 2008. 3.0 wasn't overly fancy or anything, but from what I’ve been told it was a huge step-up from 2.0. One of the big things when 3.0 launched was the blogging feature. We may take it for granted now, but back then it was new and exciting. Of course, the community didn’t develop its blogging masters overnight, but sure enough some real talent slowly began to emerge. There were reviews, rants, videos, paintings and dozens of other great things that began to emerge in the blogging section. And while there were mods that were assigned the task of selecting the cream of the crop and featuring them for all to see, nevertheless there were two things that made showcasing this talent difficult:

1. Only 5 Blogs in the Top-Post Section at Once-

One of the big complications that V3 suffered from was a restriction in the Top-Post section. Since quality material was published on the site on a regular basis, having only 5 slots for display meant having to be very picky when it came to quality. While there was no surefire way of knowing if the mods would like your stuff enough to consider it Top-Post worthy, those who were more well-known to have written good stuff often had a higher chance of receiving one than those who didn’t. It was often a huge gamble posting your stuff, as Top-Posts tended to happen when you least expected them. As someone who’d received quite a few of them during my time as a g1, I can say from personal experience that those blogs that received Top-Posts were ones I never saw coming; in fact, two of them actually shocked me when I found out that they were on the front page.

Anyway, the limitations of the Top-Posts sections also had negative side effects for lesser-known g1s. Since a Top-Post blog stayed in clear view for a longer period of time, it often ended up attracting more comments than those blogs that didn’t make it. So, in a sense, a Top-Post was almost like free advertising for a lesser-known g1 should he or she ever receive one. However, while they definitely did wonders for your popularity, the unfortunate reality is that many g1s who could’ve benefitted greatly from them never got a chance. While that wasn’t the end of the world, the Top-Post restrictions were only further complicated by…

2. Only 10 Blogs in the Recent Posts Section at Once-

Yeah…this was yet another problem with the blogging system on 3.0. While this may seem foreign to the V4 newbies due to the Subscription tab that can be found to the right of a g1’s blog, keep in mind that the V3 vets didn’t have the privilege back in V3: we relied on what we saw. Comments and popularity of blogs were reliant on the community’s ability to stumble upon whatever they could get to. Depending on the time that the blog was released, how it was marketed, who wrote it and how quickly it fell off the Recent Posts section, a blog written by even someone like our resident blogger Elmo 3000 might only end up with 5 comments max.

I remember that this restriction used to bother me a lot. I know that I’ve stopped this now, but I used to get really agitated when something I wrote went by almost completely unknown. I guess that, in some ways, my lust for comments caused me to go overboard at times, but nevertheless it really was difficult to get a steady stream of comments due to the limitations of the Recent Posts section.

Despite these restrictions in V3, the community thrived and prospered. Talent continued to spring up, and writers with potential kept seeing their potential become harnessed to its fullest. We even had a g1 we could go to in case our stuff didn’t get enough recognition, as he dedicated an entire series to helping lesser-known g1s become more well-known before disappearing abruptly a few weeks after V4 launched. We also wrote some excellent comments and feedback on people’s blogs, some of it even rivaling the length of the actual blogs themselves. And whilst we couldn’t always tell what we were in for once we checked our stuff for comments, nevertheless we could get a slight hint from what we’d find in the Recent Comments section of the site:

The Recent Comments header of 3.0. I’d share some of the comments with you, but often they included people’s names that I currently don’t have permission to use here.

With regards to the limitations of the site, it was no big deal. With the exception of Top-Posts, all of your points were handed out to you via a list of one-time achievements that often required you to complete a certain objective in order to obtain them.

WHITLY gained 177 EXP. WHITLY grew to Lvl 70.

In this instance, I received 177 points for coming to the site every day for a week. Initially, I didn’t know why I’d received them, until I checked my achievements page:

I R ACHVMNT HOOR! LULZ!!!1!!!1!!

Like I’d said before, these were one-time achievements. I still didn’t unlock the Referrer achievement

or the 100 Diggs achievement

during my time on V3, but I wasn’t going to get them anyway. I never wrote generic enough content back then that I warranted 100+ Diggs, and no one I knew would join Screwattack until last week. Because of this, my achievement list would remain permanently incomplete. But I didn’t mind, though, as most of the points a g1 would receive back then would come from Top-Posts.

As I said earlier, Top-Posts were hard to come by. They were only handed out if you really deserved them, and they were considered a major accomplishment once you got them. In a way, you had to work for your points, something that contrasts the simplicity of receiving points in 4.0. Heck, I may currently hold the #5 spot on the leaderboard, but back on 3.0 I was at the very bottom of page 2 with 133 points from joining the site and writing my first blog (which I deleted) in September, 12 Top-Posts and 177 points for logging in every day for a week.

While I’m proud that I got this far in just a few months, nevertheless I had a long way to go before I could make it to the leaderboard!

So, what does this have to do with anything? Well, despite my maundering not being able to excuse the behaviour of the V3 vets, nevertheless it certainly helps to explain it. We V3 vets have the mentality of reaping of what we sow in the back of our minds. We’re used to spending painstaking amounts of time on end in order to make our stuff good, and we’re often pleased when we discover that our efforts haven’t gone in vain. That’s not to say that the V4 newbies don’t do the same (many of them do,) but it just gives you the background on our “working our a**es off to get where we are now” mentality when it comes to blogging.

However, since this is supposed to be a letter to the V3 vets, It’s time for me to get serious. Vets, I’m putting my foot down on this one. *Ahem*

STOP BEING RUDE TO THE NEW GUYS!!!!

Sword Duel Ganondorf – The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Now, I know that I’m generalizing when I say this, but many of the V3 vets have been behaving rather rudely toward the V4 newbies. They’ve been ignoring them, sending flaming PMs to them and have been acting rather cold toward them. And, quite frankly, it’s gotta stop. I’m aware that so many of the newbies have been making rather poor decisions when it comes to blogging and commenting, but acting rather coldly toward them isn’t helping the situation either. So what if their stuff isn’t incredibly high status? Talent isn’t born overnight, it takes time and practice to acquire and perfect. After all, many of the vets are guilty of just about every single crime that they commit regularly. We don’t even have to give names; we can simply just look at the archives of some of the most highly respected g1s out there (myself included.)

Oh, and before anyone goes out and states that the new guys don’t have any talent, I’ve seen some of the stuff they’ve made. Currently, 7 of the people I’m subscribed to are the new guys; in fact, some of the stuff the new guys make surpass the stuff that the vets have made when it comes to quality. If you want proof of that, just examine the archives and compare them. I promise you that you’ll be shocked. Just remember that for when you make your absurd claims about the new guys lacking talent.

Another thing I’d like to point out is the complaining about the newbies being point-******. While I’m a little turned off by the points in 4.0 being rooted entirely in quantity, let’s not forget that you can still gain points while writing quality comments/blogs; heck, I’m #5 on the leaderboard at the time that I’m writing this, yet 85% of my points came from quality comments and all of the high-quality blogs I’ve written (well, except my archive blogs series, except that I’m aware that they suck and I post them purely to demonstrate how far I’ve come since.) Also, I don’t post blogs every day, I space my blogs out appropriately and I’m offline for an entire, 25-hour period every week. Also, I’m a perfectionist, so I spend a good 3-10 hours on my stuff on average before posting it. So would you consider me a shameless point-***** because I’m on the leaderboard?

I get it, you worked like crazy to get where you are now. So have I. We all do at some point. I’m sure that many of the V4 newbies have as well; in fact, I don’t think we give them enough benefit of the doubt. We don’t know them on a personal basis; we don’t know what goes on in their minds…don’t you think it’s only fair to be a little more respectful? Also, try spending the day in their shoes. Imagine joining this beautiful website and posting an innocent blog, only to be instantly flamed because you wrote something that “sucked.” How fair is that? What kind of message does it send to them about the Screwattack community as a whole? Not a positive one, I’m willing to bet!

So here’s where I ask you the big question: how can we try and fix this problem?

Type the answer to my riddle within the next 30 seconds, and you’ll win a prize!

Well, since sitting around and complaining won’t help, I suggest we try and help the newbies. Believe it or not, there are some new guys in the community with potential for greatness that needs to be actualized. One of these people already produces sophisticated material; he just needs support and encouragement in order to improve. Another g1, one that I now converse with regularly on Skype, is showing early signs of a potential g1 of the year for 2010. There are quite a few newbies who have the capabilities for greatness; they just need support and encouragement in order to have those capabilities actualized. But how can this be accomplished?

Honest Feedback.

I’m not talking about the ratings system right now. I do have a big problem with ratings, but that’s a topic that’d require its own blog and I’m not truly ready to discuss that issue yet. What I’m referring to here is making sure to comment on newbie blogs in order that they know what works, what doesn’t work and what needs to be improved. This even means engaging the person in intelligent conversations at times. Remember that the newbie g1s are still inexperienced and, thus, need to be led by example. In a way, they sort of look up to us, as we have more experience with blogging than they do. As long as we lead the way for them with quality blogs, the odds will be much higher that they’ll follow suit.

Well, that’s about it for me. Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Whitly and Super Smash Bros for the VC (Not a Review)

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 11:27:20 -0500

(Note: Please finish watching before reading the remainder of this blog.)

WARNING: The following blog will be HEAVILY opinionated and full of weird jokes. I’ll try to remain as civil and impartial as I possibly can be, but chances are that some very controversial remarks will occasionally be made. Therefore, should you be offended easily, I STRONGLY suggest that you stop reading this now, as I won’t be held accountable for any frustrations you may have after finishing the entire blog. For those of you who don’t mind, please continue on with the rest of what I have to say. Also, this ISN’T a review. That’s all!

CONTINUE!

Hey g1s! Whitly here! Just recently, (i.e. three days ago,) I had the privilege of downloading Super Smash Bros on the VC console. Just so you all know, I’m a huge fan of the SSB series. Super Smash Bros Melee is my favourite Gamecube game, and Super Smash Bros Brawl is one of my favourite Wii games. And, just in case you’re wondering, I don’t consider Brawl a butchering of the series. It’s an excellent game, better than Melee in some ways, slightly worse than it in others. Besides, I personally consider the hate for Brawl to be slightly overrated-

-NOW WAIT JUST A F***ING MINUTE!

Who said that?

I did!

And who are you supposed to be? Captain Satan?

For your information, I go by Captain YOU’RE F***ING WRONG!

Oh! So we’re ripping off DJGrandPa, are we now?

Shut the f*** up! You’ve just committed a serious crime!

O RLY? Explain.

How DARE you consider the hate for Brawl overrated! That’s just wrong!

NO WAI! Seriously, though, this is part of the reason why I consider it overrated: people get way too worked up over it!

HOW DARE YOU PICK ON SCREWATTACK!

I’m not. This is something that occurs on websites like Gametrailers, IGN and GameStop too, ya know!

Well, you’re still F***ING WRONG!

Um, can you leave now?

No, not until you admit to being wrong!

How about…no. It’s an opinion. Am I not entitled to opinions now?

Not if they’re wrong!

Oy! How’s that even-just leave, will you?

No! YOU’RE F***ING WRONG!

You know what? I don’t give a sh*t! Now leave!

YOU’RE STILL-

*Sing-Song Voice* -O Captain Blog Justice!

Did someone call me?

(I can’t believe I’m doing this.) Can you get this prick off of my back? He won’t stop nagging me, and it’s preventing me from writing this blog!

Sure! LEAVE HIM ALONE, HALF-BROTHER!

Make me!

Hey! You want to act tough? Take it outside!

Fine, but you’re coming with me!

(Exeunt.)

Thank you! Anyway, this isn’t about the feud between Melee fans and Brawl fans; rather, this blog is just about the first entry in the series:

FREE-FOR-ALL!

Ah, yes! Super Smash Bros. The original party/fighting game. These days, it seems as though competition, militant-fanboyism and unreasonable expectations have corrupted our perceptions of this glorious franchise. Despite only having three entries in it’s 10 year run, it appears as though gamers have more fun being aggressive and critical about it than they do actually enjoying it. We can argue forever over which ones we consider overrated, (*Cough* Melee *Cough* Just kidding!) but there’s no denying what the original started; after all, you can’t go wrong with a commercial like this:

I don’t know his name, but supposedly the announcer here died a short while back. If so, my condolences go out to his family. (Thanks to supersmash64lover for this vid.)

Yep! That commercial was so looney, you’d be nuts not to buy the game after watching it! While Nintendo had no obligation to make an interesting commercial, (the point of an ad is to sell something, not be fun to watch,) that’s not to say that it didn’t help. And while Nintendo has certainly made some more unique commercials these days (not boring, but unique,) at the same time they’re still capable of good stuff; after all, I hardly doubt you’d get mad with something like this:

Hahaha! What a wimp! (Courtesy of Japancommercials4U2.)

However, I’m losing focus of my primary goal. Therefore, I shall move myself back to my original plan: to talk about Super Smash Bros. Anyway, I recently purchased this game off of the VC (Tuesday, to be exact,) and I sat down with one of my closest friends (who’s now a g1) to play it. I didn’t expect much coming in, but damn, was Mager Boys ever good at this! (Ani Ohev Mager Boys…just, not in a sexual way, mind you!) After spending 2 hours on it with him, I was reminded of what made this game so great. That being said, I was also reminded of the game’s flaws, but some of them are only a result of the two sequels improving on it in many ways (yeah, I said it!) Therefore, in attempt to fully-understand both the good and bad aspects of it, I’ve decided to give my initial impressions coming into this game after not spending a great deal of time on it for 8 years:

HIT THE MUSIC!

Character Select – Super Smash Bros (Not very long, but still epic!)

The first thing I noticed when I played this game is that, despite being somewhat archaic, the music in this game is very good. It contains the appropriate combination of length, beats and catchiness. This is the sort of stuff that emanates throughout the entire game. The music hearkens back a lot of nostalgia for me, as it’s stuff I enjoyed listening to when I was a kid. The tunes may not be very long, but that doesn’t really matter all that much to me! Anyway-

-YO DAWG! I HERD U LIEK SMASH BROS TUNES SO WE PUT SOME TUNES IN UR TUNES SO U CAN SMASH WHILE U SMASH!

…(Gunshot is heard.) Anyway, since that tune wasn’t very long, why don’t I add another one for all of you to listen to?

Bonus Stage – Super Smash Bros

Another great thing I like about this game is the variety in colour schemes and designs for the stages in this game. Each of the original 8 that you start with corresponds to the 8 characters that you get right off the bat, with an unlockable 9th stage that you acquire later, and they all have an individual theme and an individual tune. For example, my favourite stage of the original 8, Saffron City, uses the theme of a metropolis filled with buildings and construction galore. The entire stage takes place on the rooftop of what I’m pretty sure is a Poké Center (a rather large one too!) There’s a lift to the left of it that separates it from a small building top, and there’s another building top all the way to the right of it. In the centre of the main building is a door that often opens up to reveal a Pokémon that either helps you, or (most often) harms you. But what amazes me the most is that-despite the overuse of the colour gray-nevertheless the attention to detail and background makes the place very distinct and beautiful to look at. It’s this attention to detail that makes me admire just how much thought was put into making it despite the limited budget and major restrictions of the N64.

However, that’s not to say that I like every stage! 10 years after this game first arrived on the N64, I still don’t like Planet Zebes. It’s not that it’s poorly designed, as it’s not! The platforms are very authentic, and the background is well developed considering how small the stage really is. What always gets me worked up is the rising acid levels. I find that they’re inconsistent, never warn you in advance and can become very irritating due to how easy it is to fall into them or spam opponents and take off significant amounts of damage. I remember always getting frustrated as a kid when people would trick me into stepping into it before constantly knocking me back down each time I tried to escape. Even as the 19 year-old that I currently am, I still hate it for that reason alone.

Nevertheless, the stages have epic tunes. I know I’m going back to the tunes again, but it’s still true; in fact, I often find myself tapping my feet and/or humming along to the catchy songs every now and then. My favourite tune is, once again, from the Saffron City stage. It could just be that I’m a big Pokémon fan, but it kicks major a**! To see what I mean, have a listen:

Saffron City – Super Smash Bros (Please listen all the way through before continuing onward.)

Wow! This tune defines epic: it’s loud enough that you can pick out the individual layers on a low volume, yet quiet enough that it doesn’t detract from the actual gameplay. Come to think of it, I’d consider it the best tune-

-“Yo Whitly, I’m REAL happy for you, and I’mma let you finish, but Planet Zebes is a better stage than Saffron City in every way possible!”

…(Turns off the lights and chops Kanye’s head off with an axe.) Anyone else have a problem with this blog? No one? Good!

Yet another thing that I really like about this game, despite being a decade old, is that its controls have aged well. Granted, they can be a little loose at times and hard to maneuver with at others, but they still work well at the end of the day. I was also shocked to find that the conversion from N64 controls to Gamecube controls is so smooth. Often, when a game is ported from one console to another, there’s an issue of whether or not the new control scheme will really work. For some games, it’s an issue, but it’s a no-brainer with Super Smash Bros. The controls are comfortable, accurate and never annoying. That’s a good thing, as it means that people won’t have to worry about getting annoyed or frustrated with the game because they can’t maneuver their favourite characters during a match.

I guess it’s time that I move to the actual roster of characters. For the most part, they’re fun to play with…except Jigglypuff. I hate to say this, but Jigglypuff sucks as a character. She does control well, but her attacks are terrible and it’s way too easy to lose a match with her. I’d like to take the time now to say that I’ve always considered Jigglypuff to be a useless character, as she-

-YOU’RE F***ING WRONG!

Crap! Not you again! What now?

How DARE you hate on Jigglypuff! She’s an awesome character!

No, she sucks! I’ve used her before, and she’s a terrible character, worse than Ganondorf in Twilight Princess!

Well, you’re still wrong!

No, it’s an opinion. I’ve always considered her a sh*tty character-

-What about in Melee? She had that powerful Rest attack, that’s gotta be worth something!

Well, it took 2-3 tries on average to get it to work, and it often didn’t. *Gets reminded of the fight with Giga Bowser and shudders*

Well, it’s better than nothing!

True, but she still sucks regardless. You’re even admitting that it’s better than nothing. A good character would have more than one redeeming attribute.

How DARE you insult Jigglypuff, you a**wipe!

What, am I not entitled to an opinion now?

…

Can you go? You’re starting to annoy me.

…

By the way, where’s Captain Blog Justice?

YOU’RE F***ING WRONG-

-(Whacks him with a mace.) Good! Now that he’s gone, I can now move on to the next part of this game: The graphics. Now, when it comes to graphics, I’m not very concerned about them if they’re a little bit dated. After all, there are far more important things than graphics (i.e. gameplay, controls, etc.) Nevertheless, Super Smash Bros still looks decent-true, you can tell that this was a budget title from the visuals, but it still looks solid enough that it shouldn’t really matter. And while the game does lag a bit when four people are playing, it doesn’t really matter all that much because the game’s still a lot fun to play.

Alright, time to wrap this up. But how? Hmm…I know!

0_0! ALREADY?!

Well, this is Whitly wishing the community a Happy New Year and-

-New Year’s Eve isn’t for several hours in EST, Whitly!

Oh, Captain Blog Justice! Just the man I wanted to see! Tell me, why did you let your half-brother escape?

…

I see! Can you leave now? You’re wasting valuable blog space!

Alright! CAPTAIN BLOG JUSTICE AWAY!

Good! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

I shall now leave you with some gameplay footage of Super Smash Bros:

Credits go to 1TimeKillers1 for making this video.

Whitly's District 9 Movie Review

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 22:57:47 -0500

Main Theme Compilation – District 9

Hey g1s! Whitly here! Yesterday, I had the privilege of stopping by my local Blockbuster, so I decided to rent some movies with whatever cash I had left to spare. I originally didn’t know what I wanted to get, until my eyes landed on this one:

Why am I not welcome here? Is it something on my face?

Now, unlike many of you here, I didn’t get the opportunity to see this film in theatres because no one I knew would take me to see it. So, like most of the movies I see these days, I had to wait for this sucker to come out on DVD. Now, I’d heard mixed things about this film, so I wasn’t really sure what to expect. However, once I popped it in, I realized that I’d just stumbled upon a disturbingly entertaining mockumentary. How was this so? Well, read on to find out, in my first, official movie review!

Story:

District 9 is a movie that tackles the themes of discrimination and genocide in the 70’s and 80’s. 20 years prior to the events of the film, an unknown race of humanoid aliens arrived in Johannesburg, South Africa. In order to keep this alien race under control, the government of South Africa designated a specific section of the city, known as District 9, for these aliens to live segregated and severely-handicapped lives in an area far away from the human populace. Over the next 20 years, the aliens would become increasingly frustrated with their conditions, which would result in a series of revolts and uprisings that’d cause mayhem to the city of Johannesburg and threaten the lives of its citizens regularly.

The movie then fasts-forward 20 years to 1982. The government has decided to relocate these aliens to an outskirt outside of Johannesburg called District 10 in an attempt to keep the peace. In order to do this, they hire a light-hearted, young and incredibly naive officer by the name of Wikus Van de Merwe to lead this operation. Along the way, Wikus stumbles upon an illegal operations shack headed by an alien named Christopher Johnson, his young son and an accomplice of Christopher’s. Upon investigating the shack, Wikus accidentally ingests a chemical that makes him incredibly nauseous. Shortly after that, Wikus is wounded in an explosion and is removed from harm’s way.

Later that evening, Wikus begins to notice that he’s bleeding black blood and that his fingernails and teeth are beginning to break off/fall out. Wikus returns home to find out that his friends and family have surprised him for his birthday. No sooner does Wikus cut the first slice of his cake when he goes into shock and passes out. Wikus is then rushed to an emergency ward, whereupon he discovers that his left hand and arm are now that of an alien. The doctors attempt to operate on Wikus in order to extract the DNA from his arm for research, but Wikus resists and flees. Now branded as a fugitive, Wikus decides to take refuge with Christopher in District 9 and asks to have the damage done to him reversed. Christopher agrees on the condition that a vial that was stolen from him by the government be retrieved. The movie then focuses the rest of its story on Wikus’ attempt to retrieve the vial, all the while learning a dangerous secret that he never knew about the government’s attitude toward the aliens.

In short, the plot is very deep considering its 112-minute length. It’s a little bit long by documentary standards, but it has an appropriate mix of story, character development and action in order to keep it from getting stale and boring all that quickly!

History:

Normally, I wouldn’t include a history section in a review; however, since District 9 has such a rich one, I figured it’d be a good thing to include one here. So, without further ado, here goes:

District 9 started off its life as a short film called Alive in Joburg made by Neill Blomkamp. The film gave a look into South Africa’s political history, as well as the conflicts surrounding it. When Peter Jackson hired Blomkamp in early-2007 to work on making a Halo film that fell through, the film was eventually remade and zoomed in on the apartheid regime of the 1960’s-80’s. The movie was eventually made into a relatively low-budget mockumentary film about aliens in its final form in late-2007. Despite its 2 year development cycle and advanced special effects, District 9’s budget never exceeded $30m in total.

District 9 shares much in common with the treatment of the black communities of South Africa during the apartheid regime of 1960’s-80’s. Despite the vast differences, movie and history share many common themes. The aliens are forced into crowded slums and constantly abused and experimented on much like the blacks were during the apartheid regime. As well, the aliens are heavily discriminated against and subdued by the government, much like the blacks. Lastly, the aliens are referred to with the derogatory name of “prawn,” a term originating from a specific plague in South Africa that came from crickets. (Thank you Ghost King for the correction.)

Neat, huh? In short, you can thank this mascot

for the eventual creation of District 9. Did you get that? Good! Moving on now!

Pros:

One would think that, with such a low budget, this film would be cheap and too limited; however, such isn’t the case. District 9 is actually an excellent movie with some great aspects to it! Here’s a list of some things I really liked about this film:

1. It’s not as long as most of Jackson’s films-Jackson’s films are generally known for being as epic as they are long. While this can work in his favour at times (i.e. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy,) often it doesn’t (i.e. King Kong.) I have a set of stretches I’ve compiled for before/after watching his stuff, as it’s hard sitting for 3 hours+ on average for his films. That being said, I was relieved to find out that District 9 was less than 2 hours, as I wouldn’t have to stretch this time. Even though 112 minutes is still long for a documentary (I’ll get to that later,) it was a relief to not have to worry about being edgy and fidgety while watching it.

2. It’s somewhat educational-This one’s a little subjective. I already knew the context behind this film, as I’d read up online before renting it. Most of you will probably call me a sell-out for liking being educated, but I don’t care. I enjoy learning about the world, regardless of whether or not it’s direct or indirect. Since District 9 falls under the latter, you won’t have to worry about being burdened with constant historical facts about South Africa.

3. The main character starts as a 2-dimensional suck-up who slowly becomes a 3-dimensional hero-I didn’t initially like Wikus. I thought he was a sissy, shallow and obnoxious. I remember almost leaving the room when I first heard him speak and silently cheering when he got infected because it “served him right!” However, I was pleasantly surprised by his transformation as the movie progressed and his personality became more fleshed out. By the time the movie was at the 90-minute mark, I found myself rooting for him out of sympathy, which is what I think Blomkamp was going for with him!

4. The aliens are complex characters-What’s the #1 stereotype about aliens? They lack depth. Such was my reaction initially coming into the movie, as I saw the word “alien” on the back cover and put two-and-two together. Yet again, I was surprised to discover that this wasn’t the case. In fact, the aliens were so in-depth that I ended up liking these CGI characters more than the real-life actors and actresses.

5. The special effects are kept to a bare minimum, thus not detracting from the overall story-What’s the #1 problem with movies these days? Too much action, not enough story. While I personally don’t mind pointless action sequences (they’re fun to watch,) a little story every now and then wouldn’t hurt! You won’t have to worry about that with District 9. While the few action sequences are a little over-the-top (more on that later,) nevertheless they serve to enhance and progress the story instead of serving to hamper it.

In short, the movie has a lot going for it that makes it good.

Cons:

While a great film, District 9 also suffers from some major flaws. Since you can’t talk about the good stuff without also mentioning the bad stuff, here’s a counter-list of things that irked me about the film:

1. It’s too long by documentary standards-We start off with a more personal nitpick. District 9 may not be long by Jackson-standards, but it’s still long by documentary-standards. Since the average documentary these days is about 60 minutes, this one might turn some people off with its 112 minute length. I found that the story dragged on at certain points, so I was glad that those points were filled with action sequences. It’s a minor gripe, but it still detracted from my enjoyment at times!

2. The documentary aspects are incredibly boring to watch-For those of you who don’t already know, the movie barely qualifies as a documentary; in fact, the only reason for it being one is because of the first and last 20 minutes of the film. To add to that, the documentary parts are aggravating to watch, almost as if they were added at the last second as a way of torturing people. If it weren’t for me forcing myself to sit through them, I’d have given up on the movie altogether!

3. Some parts of it are incredibly disturbing-This one’s also somewhat subjective, but I think it needs to be said. I’m all for disturbing moments if they’re used sparingly, but there are so many of them in this film! They seem to pop-up without warning, and I got very uncomfortable watching. Unfortunately, they appear throughout without warning, and some of them make you a little curious if Blomkamp is an a**hole. I can’t reveal the two freakiest ones due to spoilers, but I can say now that I became antsy and closed my eyes when Wikus chopped off one of the fingers on his mutated hand with an axe out of fear of what he’d become.

4. Wikus is an obsessive-compulsive potty mouth-Swearing once in a movie is okay, as it doesn’t detract from my enjoyment. Swearing when necessary helps to make the experience more organic, thus making it more enjoyable to watch. However, Wikus’s filthy mouth was a little bit of a turn-off for me. He swears when he’s happy, sad, angry, in pain, nervous, afraid and concentrating, and this increases in quantity as the film progresses and he becomes a deeper character. His mouth is so filthy, it surpasses that of a drunk Scott during New Year’s Eve (no offense to any Scottish g1s, it was just all I could think of to compare him to!)

5. The limited violence can make you nauseous due to how extreme it is-As I said earlier, District 9 is relatively tame when it comes to its action sequences. They’re few and far between, and they largely serve to help progress the plot. That being said, the few action sequences are overkill. They mostly involve cars being blown up, buildings being set on fire with people in them, people being ripped apart and bodies exploding and causing the guts to fly everywhere. Sometimes, there were even situations were 3 or more of these happened at once! I found they either made me jump back in shock, or want to puke from their nastiness.

I can go on and mention some more stuff, but they’re either stupid or I don’t want to ruin it for those who haven’t watched it yet. Nevertheless, while the bad aspects don’t ruin the film, at the same time they do tend to drag down the experience slightly.

Conclusion:

District 9 is a disturbingly-entertaining mockumentary to watch. It’s not Movie of the Year material, but it can be pretty entertaining once you get past its obvious flaws! It’s worth checking out, even if only for its uniqueness.

Final Grade: B.

I shall now leave you with the trailer for this film:

Video courtesy of SonyPictures

Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Whitly Conceptualizes a Video Game

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 13:36:50 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! I’ve decided to go all out on a limb and do something I’ve never done before: come up with an idea for a video game. Now, this is only experimental, so please don’t expect this to become something I’ll regularly do. Without further ado, it’s time for me to reveal my idea:

PLAGIARIST!!!!!!!!!

Hey! You’ve barely read this and you’re already accusing me of plagiarism? Just shut-up and let me finish, okay?

Anyway, my game will be based around the Pokémon license, but will still be unique. I’m thinking of something that hasn’t been tried before, something original by Pokémon standards. This is something that’s been going through my mind for a while now, and I’d like to share it with all of you. Now, I’ve noticed that the Pokémon franchise is known for its experimentation. We’ve seen a card game, some pinball games, a safari game, some battle royale games, some puzzle game games, plenty of unique ideas. However, we have yet to see a board game/card game/action/turn-based RPG hybrid, have we? Therefore, I propose a hybrid of the following four games:

1. Risk

2. Pokémon Trading Card Game

3. The Pikmin Series

4. Any of the Main Games in the Pokémon Series

In doing so, I propose making a game that encompasses the best aspects of each game and make a new one that I shall call Ultimate Pokémon Conquest. Now, I’m no programmer, so I don’t know how I’d manage to make this. Therefore, I suggest taking this with a grain of salt. It’s possible that this may or may not happen in real life, but I’m just having fun. As long as I’ve stimulated discussion, I’m happy! (Besides, it’ll keep my brain from decaying during this long holiday.) Anyway, without further ado, let’s get started!

HIT THE MUSIC!

Lance/Red Battle Orchestral Remix – Made By Ricelia (Like there was any doubt I’d be using this!)

Story:

The story in this game will be typical of the Pokémon universe: decent, but not excellent. Set in the year 3000, the entire world of Pokémon is at war. New Pokémon trainers arise on a daily basis, all of them desperate to rule over all of the five regions of the Pokémon world: Kanto, The Orange Islands/Sevii Islands, Jhoto, Hoenn and Sinnoh.

The entire Pokémon map, complete with the various regions.

You take control of a silent, 13 year-old trainer desperate to prove him/herself worthy of the title of Pokémon Ruler. Along the way, you must also compete against 5 people ranging from 1-5 stars in difficulty in order to make it to the top:

1. Your best-friend-The boss of Kanto, your best-friend has been competing with you ever since the two of you were kids. He’s kind, generous and likes making jokes. (Difficulty = 1 star.)

2. Your biggest enemy-The boss of The Orange Islands/Sevii Islands, this is someone you’ve hated since you were in nursery. He’s rude, arrogant, aggressive and impulsive. (Difficulty = 2 stars.)

3. Your older brother-The boss of Jhoto, your brother is a serious and dedicated trainer. He always gives you advice when you lose to him, but he fights you at full-force because he wants you to demonstrate your true potential. (Difficulty = 3 stars.)

4. Your older sister-The boss of Hoenn, your sister is bossy and strict. She won’t fight you until you pass three tests she gives you, as she wants to make sure that you have the appropriate mindset first. (Difficulty = 4 stars.)

5. The Master-The mysterious boss of Sinnoh, you don’t know what this person looks like until you actually challenge him. He’s a tough opponent, and he’ll whip you into shape. (Difficulty = 5 stars.)

You’ll also have a rival that you’ll constantly battle throughout the game. This rival can fit one of 7, basic stereotypes: jerk, vicious, calm, polite, flat, lazy or coward. Depending on the type, the outcome of your attitude toward the rival will be different.

You start off the game in Kanto with the option to pick the gender for your character. You also get to change your protagonist’s appearance in order to suit your mood, as well as the name. You then go to Professor Oak to get your starter Pokémon: a Pichu. You’re then given your Pokédex that has the ability to store information for all 493 Pokémon. You then head over to your mom and receive your phone to contact her in case of an emergency. Shortly after this, your rival and your rival’s Eevee spot you. After battling him-or her, depending on the gender of the protagonist-you name your rival and begin your journey to become ruler.

Shortly after you leave your hometown, you notice someone who looks suspicious causing havoc to a bunch of trainers. After battling this person, you discover that the person belongs to a crime syndicate known as Team Chaos. Team Chaos is trying to block out the Sun in an attempt to plunge the world into madness. Throughout the game, you’ll be encountering Team Chaos and foiling their plans for world domination.

Once you’ve cleared the 5 regions, you head to the Elite Four and challenge them. Defeat them, and you’ll have completed the game. The story will leave plenty to be desired, but it won’t detract from the more important part of the game: the gameplay. Such has been the case with past games in the franchise, and I wouldn’t want to get in the way of that!

Gameplay:

Silver Battle Orchestral Remix – Made By Ricelia (A guy or girl so talented, I’m including him or her again!)

With regards to the gameplay, I propose something that encompasses all four games in some way or another. The game will be laid out on a board with the different regions shown, just like Risk. Also, battles will use dice to determine if an attack is successful or not. The game will still be turn based, just like the original Pokémon games, and the one whose turn it is will select a move. Once the move is selected, the attacker will roll a red die and the defender will roll a blue die. If the red die rolls a number higher than the blue die, the defender’s Pokémon takes damage. If the red die rolls a number lower than the blue die, the defender’s Pokémon doesn’t lose damage. This isn’t to say that constantly rolling higher will guarantee a victory, though, as both stats and the strengths/weaknesses clause from the handheld games will still be in effect here.

With all of this in effect, this game will seem somewhat slow. Therefore, I propose a 10-15 minute time limit in battle in order to help speed things up. If the battle is won before the time limit is up, to the victor go the spoils. This means collecting money, items and badges (from bosses) if the player wins, and losing money if the player loses. If the battle isn’t won before the time limit is up, the combatant that’s closest to winning becomes the victor. The game will still have the basic, battle formula of the handheld games, but the timer and dice features will add for some elements of Risk as well.

During battle with a wild Pokémon, players will still have the options of either capturing or defeating the Pokémon. Capturing will follow the handheld formula. However, the player will now have the option of harvesting the defeated Pokémon for EXP or turning it into money. The amount of money will vary depending on the level and stage of the wild Pokémon, but it’ll still be an option. Once the player has amassed enough money, he or she will be able to buy special cards from Poké Marts. These cards can be activated in a similar manner to the handheld game’s items, and they will range from Healing Cards (i.e. Potions, Revives, etc.) to Capture Cards (similar to Capture Balls) that the player can use in-battle. There will also be TM & HM Cards that can used on Pokémon. TM Cards will be one-time uses, while HM Cards will have unlimited usage. There will also be Evolution Cards (similar to Evolution Stones) and Special Item Cards (similar to Special Items) that can be found/given/bought in the game. And, of course, Cards of all types can be found in the overworld as well!

The last feature about this game will be the Multiplayer features. Players will be able to trade or battle other players via LAN or Wi-Fi. The game will still use Friend Codes-unfortunately-to battle or trade with other friends, but the online will sniff out the codes for you if you already have a friend as a contact from before. The online will also feature the inclusion of a voice chat feature with friends. This feature will depend on the system the game ends up on, though. In the event that the player doesn’t have friends to battle/trade with online, there’ll be an option to have the game select someone anonymously for you to battle or trade with. Lastly, the game will include an offline battle mode for two friends to choose already-attained Pokémon and battle for fun on the same system.

In short, the gameplay covers just about all of the good qualities from the four games. The music will be excellent and the visuals will look astounding. The only downside is that, with all of the features this game has, the whines of the Pokémon will still be as archaic as ever. But hey, such is life! I also can’t guarantee that no one will be disappointed at all, but you can’t please everyone! And besides, I’ll try and reduce disappointment in the upcoming Difficulty Settings section, so be patient!

Difficulty Settings:

Gary Final Battle Orchestral Remix – Made By Ricelia (Again?! This guy or girl's gotta be good to include him or her three times, no?)

This’ll be a little tricky to do. On one hand, if the game’s difficulty level is too low, hardcore nerds and tough-a**es will complain that the game’s not challenging enough. On the other hand, if the game’s difficulty level is too high, gamers who have a hard enough time as it is won’t enjoy this game due to it being overwhelmingly disappointed. It’s hard enough as it is to handle the actual game, but I don’t think that establishing one, generalized difficulty level will really help to make this marketable, and I really do want it to sell. Therefore, I propose something that’ll cause a stir from the arrogant elitists, but will still attempt to remedy this problem: difficulty settings.

Shut-up and stop complaining, will ya?

I propose 3 different settings, as inspired by the ever-so-awesome WiiWare game, Pokémon Rumble. These settings will be Beginner, Advanced and EX. EX will only allow you to have 3 Pokémon in your party at once and put the level cap to 50 max. Also, each of the 5 worlds will be one star harder, with the Elite Four at an impossible star 6. Lastly, level grinding will take twice the time, it’ll take double the time to evolve, the enemies will be twice as powerful and the HP and PP of your Pokémon will be reduced by half. Hey! You wanted a hard game, so I’m giving it to you! However, since I do have a heart, you won’t have to pay to heal your Pokémon at the Poké Center. (I might change my mind if you complain, though! *Insert evil laugh here*)

For those who can’t handle EX, I suggest Advanced. Advanced will be roughly as difficult as the original games, and it’ll follow many of the same rules. Beginner will be the same as Advanced, with one exception: an optional, Auto-Help feature that’ll take over for you if you need help. Similar to New Super Mario Bros. Wii, you’ll have the option of letting the game take over for you if you lose to the same trainer more than 7 times. A blue, Masterball-like icon will appear in the top-right corner for you to activate. The game will use your current move set and party, show you how to beat the enemy and then let you take over once you have a handle on the situation. It won’t save the progress, and you’ll be given the option to try it again once you know what to do. Lastly, it’ll only work if the game thinks you can win, so don’t get mad if it doesn’t show up when you need it!

I’d like to end this off by saying that the Beginner and Advanced difficulties can be switched via the menu. This’ll help people who feel the need to alternate back-and-forth. Unfortunately, due to the limitations of EX, you’re stuck with the extreme difficulty unless you restart the game. Sorry!

Replay Value:

Route 3 Gen 2 Orchestral Remix – Made By Ricelia (*Counts the number of remixes used so far* 0_0 DAMN! Ricelia rocks!)

I’m not sure as to exactly how much there’d be in here, as everyone’s different. I think part of it depends on whether or not the time spent is worth it, and that’s a different story altogether. With regards to the length, if all goes well (which I hope it will,) I’m predicting roughly anywhere between 15-18 hours on average for Beginner and Advanced and about 22-25 for EX. Believe it or not, that’s actually a decent length of time for a game by today’s standards! (Shocking, isn’t it?) Therefore, I’d say that the time spent is worth it!

With regards to actual replay value, I’d see it being there! Since the game is a hybrid of four, highly replayable game formulae, it’s possible that people would find replay value in the battling and Pokémon collecting aspects! I’d also see replayability in the multiplayer modes, both online and offline. Granted, people will hate Nintendo for the friend codes, but since no one likes 12 year-old flamers on Xbox Live (yeah, I said it) and I know methods for getting them that aren’t really that much of a hassle to do, I guess they’ll just have to-dare I say it-live with it. (Seriously, though, grow up already and move on, will ya?)

So, in short, I can see there being replay value. But, like always, the choice is yours!

Concluding Thoughts:

Kanto Wild Pokémon Battle Orchestral Remix – Made By Ricelia (Whitly <3 Ricelia!)

I think I have something solid here! I’m not sure how I’d enact any of this, though. I’m also not sure if any of this is realistic. That being said, I enjoyed writing this! Also, since I spent about 5-6 hours writing this, feedback would be greatly appreciated. Please feel free to let me know where I can improve, point out any obvious flaws, or even engage anyone in serious conversations if necessary!

Well, that’s it for me now! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

(Editor’s Note: Credit goes out to g1 Flashpenny for inspiring me to write this. Oh, and subscribe to TheNintendoCode on YouTube. Anything with Ricelia in it is automatic win!)

Whitly Opens Up: Updates and Advice

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 22:49:37 -0500

Lugia’s Lament – Poke’mon: The Power of One

Hey g1s! Whitly here! I want to write another blog, but since I currently don’t have the time or the energy to do something deep or fancy right now, I guess a status update blog will be best. Granted, this’ll probably become an official blog at the end, but I guess it won’t really matter in the end; after all, I am an aspiring writer, and we writing buffs turn everything we do into something professional! (Hee hee!) Alrighty then, let’s get started:

My Life-

My life for the last little bit has had its ups and downs as of late. Usually, it’s just a straight-forward good week, bad week pattern when it comes to the overall gist of the last 7 days, but not this past one (unfortunately!)

Sunday started things off very well. I got another chunk of my massive first-impressions blog I’m working on with a few g1s out of the way. It wasn’t easy coordinating all of our schedules so that we’d be able to continue it, but we ended up finding a way! Due to its enormous length I don’t think it’ll be done for a while, but our productive session on Sunday afternoon has enabled us to get to the halfway mark. (Yay!) Here’s hoping we can continue it tomorrow! (Crosses fingers.)

On Monday, I woke up to find that my first-impressions of Poke’mon Rumble made it to the spotlight. I didn’t expect that! It made it particularly difficult to work on my review of the game, as I kept having to respond to all the comments that were flooding onto my blog. I managed to finish the review and post it that very day, but the immense popularity of that spotlighted blog caused my review to be littered with careless spelling and grammatical errors. Personally, I don’t think it would’ve been Top-Post material back on 3.0. That’s not to say that I hated it, but I think I’ve done better! I blame a certain g1 for th-I’m just kidding, I can’t be mad at him!

I was rudely woken out of bed on Tuesday by the sound of my mom asking me over the answering machine to be prepared for when the renovators arrive at my house. It’s been tough to concentrate on anything with them renovating the bathroom next to my room, and the damage done to one of the walls in my room because of it is a little off-putting. on top of that, I discovered that I’d missed an exam the previous day because I thought it was this week! I had to contact my prof and my academic advisor because of it, as I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to reschedule it due to it already being rescheduled due to the original date falling on my Sabbath. Things have been resolved since then, but I was annoyed.

Wednesday I took the bus to school to see if my academic advisor could help me out my situation. She did. I also got a response from my prof saying that the exam would be rescheduled. I was relieved. I’m also disappointed that I lost round 2 of MVDS to Elmo 3000, but I wish him the best because he won fair-and-square! Not much else to say here!

Thursday was mainly a lazy day for me. It was mostly just me loafing around and trying to get my exam issues dealt with. Oh, and I finally got past Will in Silver! Unfortunately, I couldn’t get past the next guy…

Yesterday, my carbon-monoxide detector went off. Shortly after that, the power died on me. I was a little annoyed that I couldn’t use my Internet for something important, so I went over to my aunt’s house to finish it. Since I knew that I’d be heading directly to shul from there due to the timing, I got dressed before I left and went from her house. The power issue was eventually resolved late that night, but my poor mother was forced to make Shabbat dinner on the barbeque.

Today was largely uneventful, but I did get to spend some quality time with my brother, so it was worth it!

Also, this past week was Chanukah. That’s all I have to say here!

Thoughts on 4.0-

4.0 has been a bit of a struggle for me. Granted, I could say the same about all V3 veterans, but I’ve been adjusting relatively slowly. To start, I refuse to use the blogging tools given by the site, opting instead for the dinosaur method of using Word. Sure, it takes longer and all, but the ability to carefully monitor my material every step of the way works better for me with this format.

I’m also having difficulty with the stupid <*br><*br> code. I’m not ditching HTML anytime soon, but I find it somewhat irksome that my blogs get messed-up when I don’t use it. It adds 20 minutes on to my work, and it gets to be somewhat of a chore when I have to include it in my longer blogs. I had to have Silent_Protagonist teach it to me because a blog of mine, one that I’d spent 25 hours on, (I’m not kidding!) looked like a giant mess when I’d posted it the first time. That, as well as seeing 84 other blogs all messed up, made part of me die a little inside. Granted, I’ve remedied that now, but I remember shedding a tear once my 25 hour blog finally looked presentable.

I won’t say much more on this issue (I’m working on a blog about that,) but I’ll say that my thoughts on 4.0 are still…mixed, to put it bluntly. Granted, receiving a Beta Key might’ve helped, but I was way down at the bottom of page 2 back on the V3 leaderboard and I hadn’t gone to SGC, so I couldn’t receive one. Ergo, no dice!

*Sigh* My Experiences with Gen 2 of Poke’mon-

About a month ago, or roughly 3 years after I wiped Gold off of my then-emulator, I purchased Silver from a gaming store at the university that I regularly attend. It was a little frustrating getting it, (my first choice, Gold, had a dead battery,) but it was eventually mine for the taking. What was even better is that my TA was sick with the flu that day, so I got to leave for home early and test it out.

Nevertheless, I remember now what had bothered me about it.

You know that feeling you get when you try out an old game you didn’t like and realize that you were wrong about it the whole time? This was nothing like that! Yes, I’ll admit Gen 2 improved on Gen 1 in some areas, but I realize now why I’d wiped it off my hard drive 3 years ago. Currently, I’m on the fence over whether or not I’d like to do a review or a reflection on it when I’m done the game. The latter will most-likely involve a Skype chat with someone who’s played the game more than once (akin to the Batman Begins blog I did a while back,) but I’d need someone who won’t get mad at me over my stance on the game. I have a few possible candidates, but I’ll be sure to let you all know if the situation ever changes!

My Blogs/Upcoming Projects-

Blogging is becoming increasingly difficult for me to do. Back in June, when I finally got my account unblocked after 9 months of waiting in agony, I used to be able to pull off something daily. As time wore on, though, it became difficult to do that. Blogs take about 3-10 hours to write on average, and they usually can’t be done in a single sitting. I’m also finding that about 2-in-10 blogs now aren’t getting finished, with more not making it onto paper. Currently, I have 3 Top 12’s, an idea blog, a rant and a reflection piece that are either not finished or not started. *Sigh*

With regards to future blogs in the works, I’m trying to see about releasing a Top 12 within the next while, as well as the Gold/Silver thing depending on when I beat the game. There’s also that group blog I’d like to continue tomorrow, as well as an Infamous 7 that probably won’t be out for a long while. The rest will come soon enough! I tend to not force the flow of creativity, as art can’t be rushed!

My Message to the g1 Community-

I shall now end this on a personal note: I know that everyone’s still adjusting to 4.0, so I’ll give some advice to all of you:

To the newcomers-Space your blogs out. Quality can’t be rushed and takes time to achieve. Sure, it’ll mean spending 3 hours instead of 30 minutes, but it’ll benefit you in the long run. Take breaks if needed and don’t force all of your ideas out at once. Also, be willing to give constructive criticism/feedback if necessary and, please, be honest when you rate blogs. I promise that you’ll be happier if you do!

To the V3 veterans-Welcome to V4. It’s not perfect, but we’ll have to make do! It’s not just our site-it’s their site too. Therefore, instead of throwing in the towel and quitting blogging altogether, we should continue blogging and lead by example for all of the newbies. Remember to be nice to the new guys and give good feedback on their blogs, and make sure that they know where to go if they need help. Also, don’t be afraid to learn from them and benefit from what they have to contribute, as you never know who might become the next Silent_Protagonist, Elmo 3000 or Jet Fire on Screwattack. Lastly, be sure to subscribe to anyone who shows signs of potential, as your support could possibly help them to improve. I know that I’m beginning to sound like SP here, but I think that we can overcome this trepidation to 4.0 if we engage the community instead of resisting it.

Well, that’s about it for me! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

"The Memories of Nixy X. Static"-A Short Story by Whitly

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 18:13:27 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! I’ve decided to upload another archive blog. Don’t worry: I have stuff planned to be put up soon enough! I just want to share with you another story I wrote. I used to post 2-3 archives in a week at times back in 3.0 before I posted something new, so you shouldn’t be too worried and think I’ve given up on blogging altogether!

Anyway, this archive dates back to late 2007. I had to write a piece for my Writer’s Craft class, and I chose this. While my teacher was disappointed in this-as it wasn’t what she was looking for-I’ve decided to keep it because I still think it’s pretty good. It’s a little wordy, the paragraphs are a bit on the lengthy side and some of it’s cheesy/confusing, but it’s still decent! Anyway, sit back, relax and enjoy!

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The Memories of Nixy X. Static

Ganon’s Castle – The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Nixy X. Static was in deep concentration. He was remembering how he became who he was today. His past still troubled him, despite how far he’d come since then. He started off by focusing on the first memory that came to him; his childhood: Born as an albino named “Nixon Steirson,” Nixy was branded an “outcast,” due to the fact that he was unable to fit in with the “in crowd.” It made sense, since he’d grown up in a district in Mixup where Xenophobia was a part of everyday life. Nixy spent his first 15 years unable to make any friends, or talk to girls, all because of the fact that he “looked like a ghost.” “Ghost!” the kids would cry. “The Angel of Death has come to take our lives!” If that wasn’t bad enough, Nixy was often beaten up whenever a student at school was sick, since he was the perfect scapegoat due to his “unnatural” skin-colour. And so, Nixy would often come home bruised and bloody from the dozens of punches to the face that he’d received.

Nixy forced the rest of that memory to come out of him: He remembered that life at home was no better for him: His mother had died giving birth to him. Her husband, who had loved her very much, blamed her death on Nixy. Nixy’s father had never liked children. He’d even regretted his decision to fulfill his wife’s wishes, when he’d gotten drunk and decided have a child with her. However, the fact that Nixy had was an albino ended up being seen as an “omen” to his father. As a result, Nixy’s father had always told him that he was “the drunken mistake,” which kept reminding the albino child about his father’s addiction to alcohol. Often times Nixy would be beaten and tormented, though the majority of the time it would only occur when his father had come home drunk. Nixy was the “bastard child of the family,” a name that he dreaded hearing.

However, everything had gotten to a point where Nixy could no longer stand being tormented by his father, or neighbours, anymore. Nixy closed his eyes and tried to remember what had caused him to snap. After a while, it came to him: He had been walking home one day when a tree branch snapped and fell on him. The branch was so heavy, Nixy collapsed to the ground. Nixy remembered asking passer-bys to help him up. However, Nixy had gotten a different response than he’d wanted: Instead of being helped, everyone around him began to laugh, pointing and teasing him about the fact that he’d finally been given what he deserved. Even the adults were laughing at him! Nixy would find out later that day that the entire incident had been planned from the start, even before Nixy had woken up that morning. Upon finding out, Nixy decided to pack up his belongings, write a letter to his father about how he was a horrible parent, (which he later mailed to the house,) and, after being lacerated by his father for forgetting to inform him that he’d come home, climbed out of the window in his room and ran off. This was it; he thought to himself, he was running away…for good! He would start a new life abroad, far away from the horrors of the neighbourhood in which he grew up. Nixy promised himself that he’d never become one of those…what was the name of his hometown again? He used to remember, but it didn’t seem relevant anymore. Besides, that place no longer existed!

Nixy dumped his head into a tub of bath water in front of him. As his electrically charged skin tried to absorb the minerals inside it, he forced another memory to come out of him: After leaving his hometown, Nixy had arrived in a port for bandits, thieves and criminals-what was it called again? Oh, right! Riftport! He’d arrived in Riftport! Riftport was also a difficult place to be, since everyone there despised foreigners. He concentrated harder, trying to remember what had happened next: He recalled bumping into a strange man that was covered in a black cloth. The man had a very freaky voice, a hybrid between deep-toned and high-pitched. As the man spoke to him, Nixy thought he was some sort of heavy smoker. After all, Riftport was the last place in all of Mixup where a person could smoke a cigarette! The man had offered him a chance to fulfill what he called a “lifelong quest.” The way to do this, the man had said, was to join his gang of associates. Together, they were known as “The L.O.V.E. Connection.” Nixy remembered being turned off, almost instantaneously, by the name. Using a clever trick he’d devised for whenever he’d have to duck out of a confrontation with a kid he hated, Nixy pointed up to the clouds, then quietly slipped away as the man foolishly looked to see what it was that Nixy had pointed to. Once he’d gotten away from that man, Nixy had bumped into the Riftport Police. They sent him to jail for “looking suspicious,” but Nixy knew better than that. It was because he looked “foreign!” Nixy knew that!

Nixy concentrated harder, trying to force the rest of his memories out of him. It got to a point where the static in his hair began to hiss and crackle. After a while, though, the next memory came to him: While in prison, Nixy had found a tray of food lying on the ground that was sent to him by some unknown person. As Nixy picked it up, he could hear it begin to drizzle outside the cell window, which was barred shut with metal poles. As Nixy examined the contents of the food tray, the drizzling rain turned into pouring rain. Pretty soon, it had started to thunder, and drops of rain were seeping through the cell window and hitting his bare chest. Nixy remembered that he’d had no shirt, as it had been taken away for “inspection.” Hungry, wet and feeling alone, Nixy decided to just eat the damn food and get it over with! No sooner had he finished it, though, did his body begin to tingle. Was the food poisoned? He had no clue, yet his face felt like it was bubbling and hissing. Concerned that he was dying, Nixy ran to the only mirror in his prison cell and saw that his face was glowing. His pink eyes were glowing too. Even his white hair was glowing! However, things were about to get even more interesting. Nixy stopped to massage his temples, then closed his eyes and concentrated once more: It was still thundering outside when Nixy had examined himself in the mirror. Oddly enough, as if supernaturally planned, a lighting bolt struck the metal bars of the window in Nixy’s cell. Because the bars were made out of metal, they absorbed the lightning and dispersed it throughout. The lightning traveled all through the cell, and eventually hit the mirror that he was looking at. Even though the mirror did crack as it absorbed most of the lightning, about 20% (he judged it based on the shock he’d felt) of the original electricity bounced off of the mirror and struck Nixy directly in the chest. Nixy then collapsed to the floor and blacked out. Nixy would be later told that his food had been laced with a chemical that conducted lightning. But at this point in time, Nixy was out-cold.

Nixy stopped for a second. His mind had gone blank. He focused, trying to conjure up that very last element to his genesis. Finally, after plenty of concentration, the memory came to him: Nixy had woken up on the floor of his prison cell the next morning. The storm was over. Getting up off the floor, Nixy walked over to the cracked mirror to go examine how he looked, all the while hoping that the previous night was just a bad dream. Unfortunately for him, the mirror had a huge crack right in the middle of it. As Nixy ran his finger over the crack in the mirror, it seemed to mend the cracks almost instantly. With the mirror now fixed, Nixy was shocked to see his reflection: his white hair was now electric yellow, and his eyes were now the colour of lightning. His once puny and insignificant body was now full of adrenaline. He now had muscles extraordinaire, and a large and noticeably visible six-pack had replaced his once visible rib cage. Nixy smacked the mirror with his hands and yelled out in panic. As Nixy felt his head begin to throb in confusion, the man he’d met the day before appeared outside of his prison cell.

“Don’t worry!” assured the man. “I’ll help you out of here…for a price!”

“Name it!” stammered Nixy.

“You must join me!”

“Okay! I-I will!”

“Good! From now on, your name shall be ‘Nixy X. Static!’”

Nixy X. Static! Nixy smirked. He liked that name! As he focused on the man’s request, a single word flashed through his mind: revenge! Nixy rubbed his hands together in glee. He could feel them beginning to heat up. Nixy then placed his hands on the cell’s mirror, shattering it instantly. Nixy then began to laugh maniacally. The clothed man then grabbed the cell door and yanked it off of the prison cell. Once the cell door was no more, Nixy ran out of the cell, turned into electric particles (he didn’t remember why) and burst through the glass window in front of him. He had business to attend to!

As Nixy dried off his face, he chuckled. It was during this chuckle that the last part of the story came to him: No sooner had Nixy escaped from the prison cell, did he travel back to his hometown. Once there, Nixy dove off into the sky, and caused a massive thunderstorm, to which no one in the town survived. After that deed was done, Nixy then traveled to Riftport and did the same. To this day, Nixy didn’t regret those two acts one bit. After all, justice had prevailed in his own eyes!

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Well, that’s about it for now! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

The Ginger-Haired Girl: A Short Story by Whitly

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 22:19:01 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! I’ve decided to post another archive blog and get the series rolling again. For those of you who weren’t following these back in 3.0, the Archive Blogs series is a collection of works that I’ve made sometime between 2006-2009. I’d dig earlier, but nothing from before 2006 has survived (unfortunately.) I used to write a lot of stuff when I was younger, and I like sharing these as a way of showing everyone how far I’ve progressed during that time. They’re not high quality stuff like my current material, but they’ve been received well on 3.0 so I thought I’d bring the series over to my new audience in 4.0. They’re also very niche in terms of popularity, so if you don’t end up commenting that’s fine.

Anyway, this particular archive dates from early 2008. I had to write a fairy-tale style short story for my final product in my Writer’s Craft class, and I chose this. I took a popular children’s story (which you might recognize once you start reading this) and made a dark, satirical spin-off of it. It’s a little disturbing, but my class liked it. So now, 1.5 years later, I’ve decided to share it with all of you. So sit back, relax and enjoy!

Menu Theme - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

The Ginger-Haired Girl

i. Once upon a future time, in an impoverished place called Holy Land, there lived a nation of humans that were ruled by an evil tribe of reptilian-humanoids called ALLIGATORS. These ALLIGATORS were once alligators and crocodiles, until a lightning storm genetically modified their DNA and gave them human-like characteristics, as well as the ability to live for 100’s of years. For a long time, these ALLIGATORS lived at peace with the humans of Holy Land, until an ALLIGATOR named Lord Croc started a revolution and turned the humans into slaves. He then proclaimed himself king over all of Holy Land.

For many years, the humans lived miserable lives as serfs. They almost gave up hope, until one day a human Oracle made a mysterious prophecy. The prophecy stated that a human child would one day rise up, defeat the evil ALLIGATORS and become the ruler of the humans. The Oracle died shortly thereafter, but her prophecy allowed the humans to understand that their lives would eventually improve. The humans never forgot this prophecy, despite the ALLIGATORS’ attempt to make them forget it.

250 years after the prophecy was made, a human couple gave birth to a beautiful, ginger-haired, baby girl. From the second she was born, the couple understood that she was no ordinary human being: she was special. Thankful that this couple had received such a special child, they decided to name her Ginger the Beloved.

However, being such a special child, this baby had beauty that no other human being could ever attain. As a result, she eventually attracted a lot of attention from the citizens of this holy country, including the leader of the ALLIGATORS-Lord Crock. Lord Crock had an inferiority complex, and he considered anyone more beautiful than him, regardless of his or her age, gender or species, to be dangerous.

Eventually, word got to him about the beauty of Baby Ginger. Lord Crock was furious, as he was unwilling to allow someone so beautiful to live. However, he also knew that the beauty of Ginger was unnatural. He began to worry that the Oracle’s prophecy may have come true. So Lord Crock decided to eliminate Ginger and her family. So on the first day of spring, as the Festival of the Kings drew near, Lord Crock sent some of his soldiers to go destroy this family.

Fortunately, Ginger’s parents got word of Lord Crock’s plans. Realizing that they were doomed, they decided to at least save their child. As the ALLIGATORS drew near, Ginger’s mother and father decided to wrap newborn baby Ginger in a bed sheet and get a trusted friend to deliver to her aunt. As Ginger was picked up by this trusted friend, her tiny eyes watched as her mother and father were torn to shreds and her house set ablaze. Ginger began to cry, so the friend tried to cover Ginger’s eyes with his hand. As he began to leave with the child, he thought about the old prophecy, hoping that one day soon it would come true and the evil ALLIGATORS would finally be defeated. As the two of them started to leave, an ALLIGATOR spotted them and shouted, “Stop! Stop!” However, the friend replied, “Chase, chase, chase, run, jump and twirl! You can’t catch the kid; she’s the Ginger-Haired Girl!” And with that, the friend ran off.

ii. Time passed, and Ginger was now a 10 year-old girl. Her aunt had taken her in as her own, having lost her own children to the ALLIGATORS many years previous. Ginger remembered little about her parents, except that she still had the same bed sheet left with her as a baby. Knowing that it had sentimental value, her aunt had converted it into a beautiful, cream-coloured, linen robe and had given it to Ginger, since Ginger’s aunt couldn’t afford to buy real garments for her niece.

Ginger lived her life in the typical manner of a Holy Land human child: Ginger learned to sow, shear wool and wash clothing, along with the many other household chores that children in Holy Land did.

Life as a human in Holy Land was very bad: food was often scarce, and children were often taken from their homes to serve as slaves to Lord Croc. The adults were also forced to serve Lord Croc, and they were usually paid in materials which where then used to make clothing for the ALLIGATORS or soups and stews for the humans. And every once in a while, the ALLIGATORS would have a roll-call, where they’d go to selected houses and bring the inhabitants to Lord Croc to be eaten.

Unfortunately, once word got out that the Ginger-Haired Girl of the prophecy was still alive, the roll calls became more and more frequent. As the days grew on, Ginger’s aunt grew more concerned for her niece’s safety. This concern eventually chained her to her home. As a result, Ginger was forced to take up the chores of her aunt as well.

One day, as Ginger was heading back home with a massive bucket of water, she came upon a bunch of ALLIGATORS harassing her aunt. Ginger quickly hid in a nearby patch of weeds, all the while fearfully watching the ALLIGATORS interrogate her aunt. They were pressuring her to reveal the location of the Ginger-Haired Girl that Lord Crock had a fancy for. After Ginger’s aunt refused to tell them, the ALLIGATORS tore her to shreds and set her home ablaze. Realizing that she was in mortal danger, Ginger dropped the bucket of water and bolted off. The ALLIGATORS saw her and yelled, “Stop! Stop!” However, Ginger yelled back, “Chase, chase, chase, run, jump and twirl! You can’t catch me; I’m the Ginger-Haired Girl!”

iii. Time passed, and Ginger was now a 17 year-old girl. Having taken refuge in a tavern where she found work, she adapted to drinking, cursing and fighting like a grown man during a bar squabble.

Eventually, word got out that the Ginger-Haired Girl of prophecy had taken refuge in a business in town. As a result, roll calls were extended to include businesses as well as residences. The owner of the tavern began to grow concerned for Ginger. As a result, the owner of the tavern suggested that Ginger keep a low profile, and she only left the tavern’s storage room when no one was around. One day, when Ginger came home with some Ginger Root in her hands, she noticed a group of ALLIGATORS had entered the tavern.

Ginger quickly hid in a nearby patch of weeds and fearfully watched the ALLIGATORS at work. They were interrogating everyone as to the whereabouts of the Ginger-Haired Girl, but they’d received no response from any of them. As a result, the ALLIGATORS tore everyone to shreds and set the tavern ablaze. Realizing that she was in mortal danger once again, Ginger dropped the ginger root and bolted off. The ALLIGATORS spotted her as she ran off and yelled, “Stop! Stop!” Ginger yelled back, “Chase, chase, chase, run, jump and twirl! You can’t catch me; I’m the Ginger-Haired Girl!”

iv. Time passed, and Ginger was now an 18 year-old girl. Now, having taken refuge in a barn with a family of farmers, she learned how to milk cows, ride horses and tend to pigs.

Eventually, word got out that the Ginger-Haired Girl of prophecy had taken refuge in a barn in the countryside. The farmers began to fear for Ginger’s life, so they suggested that Ginger once more keep a low profile. Ginger then decided to only leave the barn during the middle of the day, for that was the time of day when the ALLIGATORS usually weren’t outside. However, one day, when Ginger came home with a pail of freshly-churned butter, she noticed that ALLIGATORS had entered the barn.

Ginger hid in a nearby corn patch, as she fearfully watched the ALLIGATORS at work. They had interrogated the farmers as to the whereabouts of the Ginger-Haired Girl, but had gotten no response from any of them. As a result, the ALLIGATORS tore everyone to shreds and set the barn ablaze. Realizing that she was in mortal danger yet again, Ginger dropped the butter and bolted off. The ALLIGATORS saw her and yelled, “Stop! Stop!” However, Ginger yelled back, “Chase, chase, chase, run, jump and twirl! You can’t catch me; I’m the Ginger-Haired Girl!”

v. Ginger kept running and running, until she stopped in front of Lord Crock’s Castle. Sure enough, the ALLIGATORS had caught up with her. They grabbed her by the arms and led her to the throne of Lord Crock, where they tossed her at his feet. It seemed as if Ginger had come at a bad time, as Lord Crock was in the middle of “taking care of some business” regarding a human child. Ginger was forced to watch Lord Crock grab hold of the child’s neck, twist it, pull the child’s head off of his body, force open the jaw, rip out the teeth and eat it. The child’s body twitched for a few minutes and then stopped, a pool of blood starting to form around the area that Lord Crock severed.

Ginger gulped, knowing she was next. Sure enough, Lord Crock then turned to her and licked his lips in delight, knowing that he was about to have a second helping. Lord Crock examined Ginger’s body, making sure to inspect every last detail of her.

“Come here, child! Let me feel your nose!” he said to her.

Ginger shrugged her shoulders and let him feel her nose. Lord Crock, then examined her once more. He could begin to feel his heart beating quickly.

“Come here again, child! Let me feel your neck!” he said to her again.

Ginger shrugged and let him do so. Lord Crock then examined her a third time.

“Come here once more, child! Let me feel your chest!” he said once more.

Ginger, deciding to humour him, let him do so, except that he ended up squeezing it really hard. Ginger giggled, a sinister look beginning to appear on her face. Lord Crock licked his lips in delight and asked for his servants to leave the room.

“Now, my dear,” said Lord Crock, a grin appearing on his snout, “where were we?” Lord Crock was just about to charge at Ginger, when she yelled out, “Stop! I have an idea.”

Lord Crock raised an eyebrow. “Make it quick! I don’t like it when my ‘guests’ stall for time!”

Ginger placed her hands on her hips. “I’m tired of always running. I mean, why should I always run away from my problems? Why should I play chicken with my enemies? I don’t want that anymore!”

A frown appeared on Lord Crock’s face. “But…aren’t you scared of me, my dear?”

“Not anymore!”

“But-but-but you’re ruining it for me! I was gonna eat you! Y-you’re supposed to scream!”

“Sorry. No dice!”

“But-but-”

Lord Crock slumped to the floor and cried. Ginger then walked up to him.

“You know,” she began, “I think you need a hug!”

Lord Crock stopped crying. “Really?”

“Yep! Come here, you big reptile!”

Lord Crock got up off the floor. No sooner had he done so, did Ginger grab hold of his snout.

“You know,” she said, a smirk on her face, “You should know better than to trust your food!”

Ginger then began to pry open Lord Crock’s jaw. As she did so, Lord Crock let out high-pitched yelps. The yelps began to increase as Ginger opened his mouth wider. Finally, after a few minutes of pulling, Lord Crock’s snout snapped. Lord Crock, still screaming in pain, placed his hands on top of his snout. He could feel blood beginning to stream down onto the floor. Ginger then back-flipped onto his back, wrapped her legs around Lord Crock’s neck and dug the soles of her feet into his chest.

“You lose!” she said and snapped his neck with her legs.

Lord Crock crashed to the floor. Pretty soon, a pool of blood began to fill up the room. Ginger grabbed hold of his head and yanked it off of his body. She then carefully plucked out all of his teeth and used them to tear off the skin from his body. Once that was done, Ginger then put the skin on her body and roared loudly.

It was at this point that the ALLIGATORS reentered the room. Seeing Ginger alive and well, they started quivering. The bloodstains all over her hands, feet and face were her battle scars, the sinister look on her face one of certain victory. She carefully placed Lord Crock’s freshly decapitated head over her head like a crown, held up one of Lord Crock’s freshly extracted teeth and smirked. She then threw the tooth on the floor and began to walk toward the frightened ALLIGATORS.

“Chase, chase, chase, run, jump and twirl! You can’t catch me; I’m the Ginger-Haired Girl! I slaughtered Lord Crock and in a minute or two, if you’re still in this room I’ll slaughter you too!”

The ALLIGATORS turned white as ghosts, dashed out of the room in fear and fled from Holy Land. Upon the humans hearing the news of Lord Crock’s death, they immediately knew that the prophecy of old had come true. The citizens of Holy Land then anointed Ginger ruler, whereupon she became a loving, caring and truthful Queen.

********************************************

Well, that’s all for now! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Whitly's Poke'mon Rumble Review

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 18:39:50 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! Today, I’d like to do a review of Poke’mon Rumble for all of y-

HOLD IT!

??? Who said that?

It is I, Captain Blog Justice!

Don’t you mean, “Captain I’m-Ripping-Off-Tren?”

Don’t try and worm out of this, Whitly! You’ve just committed a very serious offense!

…Which is what, may I ask?

You cannot review a game more than once!

Um…that wasn’t a review: it was a first-impressions.

Well, you’ve done it before!

So? DJGrandPa has reviewed Super Mario World four times. Why aren’t you reprimanding him?

…

You’re not my mother, so can you leave now?

…

Um, will you go now? Yes or no?

…Have you finished your homework-

BZZZZZZZZZT!

Now that he’s taken care of, I can now continue with what I was about to tell you: I’ve decided to review Poke’mon Rumble. I’m not really done the game yet, but I’ve come close enough! Besides, the last part requires plenty of time and skill to beat, and I currently have neither of those!

However, let’s not dilly-dally any further! This is an excellent and underrated WiiWare game, so allow me to explain to you all as to why this is:

Story:

The story in this game is rather basic: you take the role of a toy Rattata. This Rattata lives in a world with millions of other toy Poke’mon. These toys like to battle one another, especially in Battle Stadium. In Battle Stadium, these toys battle one another in hopes of becoming the ultimate toy master. Due to the complications of Battle Stadium, toy Poke’mon often must work together in order to accomplish this goal, only to betray one another at the very end.

One day, as the toy Rattata is roaming around the Poke’mon worlds, it notices a crack in the gates to Battle Stadium. So, in a gutsy move, the toy Rattata slips through the gates and makes its way to the arena. As expected, the toy Rattata isn’t strong enough to win, so it loses and gets kicked out of Battle Stadium. But the toy Rattata isn’t discouraged. Since the toy Rattata wants to prove its worth, it decides to embark on a quest to find and befriend more powerful toy Poke’mon that can help it achieve the ultimate goal of being the toy Poke’mon master.

That’s all there is to it! It’s not very in-depth-or interesting, for that matter-but it doesn’t have to be! The story sets the stage for the game itself, and that already speaks in greater volumes than the story could ever accomplish! That being said, it’s still disappointing considering what the Poke’mon franchise has been capable of story-wise in the past!

Gameplay:

The gameplay in Poke’mon Rumble is very simple: go into one of the worlds, enter an area, battle enemies, pick up any coins and/or any toy Poke’mon that have become stationary, switch areas via a launch pad, rinse, lather and repeat. At the end of each of the worlds, you face a giant toy Poke’mon, during which you try to deplete its health before it depletes yours. Once the boss has lost all of its health, it’ll turn into a massive pile of coins and your exit will appear in the distance. Once you leave, you’ll be shown which Poke’mon you’ve captured, and then you’ll be taken to the overworld hub and be given the option of trying a different world. It seems somewhat shallow at first glance, but it’s not. However, I shall explain why in a bit.

After you’ve completed the 6 worlds, you have the option of contending in a giant free-for-all match in the stadium ahead of the 6 worlds. Once there, you must battle a set number of enemy toys before engaging with the boss toy. Clear this stage within the time limit and without losing all your lives, and a giant coin appears. Grab it, leave and head over to the launch pad that takes you to the next world. While you’re not obligated to clear all 6 worlds to get to the stadium, you’ll want to. Since each world has different collectible toys, each with different attacks and useful abilities, gathering as many as you can from all 6 of the worlds will help you later on in the game.

The overworld hub also has 7 booths you can go to that can help you progress through the game, allow me to explain each to you briefly:

1. Unknown Recruiting-Allows you to recruit new toy Poke’mon. You can do this with coins, or you can do this via 12-digit passwords. I find the passwords incredibly tedious to obtain at times due to all of the specifics, so I best recommend paying for toy Poke’mon and not worry too much about the passwords.

2. Poke’mon Releasing-Meant for releasing toy Poke’mon. I’ve never used it before, but it’s supposed to give you tickets for getting the toy Poke’mon you’ve released back.

3. Attack Teaching-Since toy Poke’mon can only learn 2 moves at once, this machine allows you to buy new moves at the expense of old ones. It’s tricky, as you can’t reverse your decision once it’s been finalized, so think hard before using this machine!

4. Wii Remote-Lets you transfer toy Poke’mon to your Wiimote.

5. Multiplayer-Self-explanatory.

6. Collected-Allows you to look at the toy Poke’mon that you’ve collected.

7. Information-Lets you view options and pictures you’ve taken (I don’t understand the latter part, though.)

The game lets you play through 6 worlds: Silent Forest, Windy Prairie, Rocky Cave, Fiery Furnace, Bright Beach and Eternal Tower. The worlds consist of several, linear paths filled with toy Poke’mon enemies. While the level designs themselves are constantly repeated with each ranking, nevertheless the game compensates for this by adding newer and stronger toy Poke’mon with each rank. What’s important to note is that all of the toy Poke’mon have personality: they strategize, gather in large numbers, attempt to sneak up on you and even try to flee when they’re very weak. The emotions are fairly basic, but they’re there!

To better understand what I mean, allow me to give you a sample video of gameplay:

Neat, huh?

As you can see, the toy Poke’mon are both responsive and defensive. They react to your every move, and they give off indications that they’re low on health by running away. Because of this, it’s easy to like them and hard to hate them. When they’re defeated, they either turn into coins or become collectable. Sometimes, you’ll even be able to collect special ones. These toy Poke’mon each have special abilities, have their names written in purple and have an adjective placed before their names. Some of them are bad, while others are very good. It’s important to collect all of them, as you never know! The exception to this system is in the stadium, where defeated toys become timers that add 5 seconds to your overall time limit. Unfortunately, you also can’t swap toy Poke’mon if the one you’re using is weak, so it’s something you’ll have to bear with.

Another thing I should mention is that there are three difficulty settings: Beginner, Advanced and EX Challenge. Beginner, the one you start off with, is pretty easy to play through and only features Gen 1 Poke’mon. Advanced, which you unlock after completing Beginner, is where the game gradually increases in difficulty and features mostly Gen 4 Poke’mon. EX Challenge, which comes after you complete Advanced, is quite tough in some regards. Beginner and Advanced have four ranks, C, B, A and S. The only exception is EX Challenge, where you have a series of endurance tests in the stadium without being able to heal. For this reason alone, it can be quite tough! This gradual increase in difficulty enables novice gamers adjust slowly, but it can also help more experienced gamers slowly prepare for the later levels.

There’s also the option for multiplayer, but I haven’t used it yet. However, the game mechanics might bore some of you, so I recommend downloading the demo first before deciding to purchase this game!

Controls:

The controls in this game are pretty basic. You flip your Wiimote on its side, as that’s how it’s generally played. The D-Pad moves your toy Poke’mon in the direction you choose, while tapping 2 performs a standard attack. Most of the time, your toy Poke’mon also has a second attack that can be activated by pressing 1. A opens up your carrying case to select a different toy to use, and the selecting can be done with the D-Pad. A then switches your toy Poke’mon to use. A can also be used near a launch pad to warp to a new area, as well as enable you to access one of the 5 boxes in the overworld hub. Lastly, pressing + enables the options menu, where your choices are then selected with the D-Pad and A.

It’s a relatively simple formula, even if a little repetitive at times. But if you’re willing to give the game a shot, it can be fun to shamelessly button-mash too! Motion controls are only used to try and reverse status effects, which isn’t necessary unless you want to speed up the recovery process. This is a good thing, as it lets people know that, unlike those third-party anuses, Nintendo isn’t willing to exploit motion controls if they aren’t necessary. And while the Gamecube controller is advertised as being available for use, I both can’t figure out how to use it in this game and think that you’re best off just using the Wiimote.

Yes it is, Pinocchio…yes it is…

Presentation:

The visuals in this game can be described with an oxymoron: horrifically beautiful. The visuals look so bad that they actually look…well…quite nice, actually. I’ve heard people comment on how the game looks worse than a PS1 game. Sadly, it’s true. The toy Poke’mon look really ugly, the textures look incredibly bland, the levels look very basic and everything gives off the impression of being-for lack of a better term-half-a**ed in quality. In short, it’s a mess.

That being said, the game also looks quite nice. I can’t really put my finger on it, but everything also looks beautiful in spite of its ugliness. The 7 level models and the overworld hub are colourful, bright and full of detail. As well, the toy Poke’mon models all look like Nintendo drew each of them with a marker. I guess this can only mean one thing:

Cell-shading.

If you’ve been following my work thus far, you’d know by now how big a fan I am of cell shading; heck, I dedicated an entire blog to cell-shading a while back. I just think it’s that awesome! And the character models don’t disappoint either. They all contain personality, thus making them likeable enough that you’d actually feel somewhat guilty for pummeling them. That’s generally how cell shading works: simple in nature, yet fun to look at. It may seem somewhat of a cop-out to make the game look so low-res, but with the size restrictions of WiiWare in place, it’s important to remember that graphics aren’t everything; besides, with visuals like this

why should it really matter if they’re not up to snuff with Super Mario Galaxy? This is pretty big for a WiiWare game, and I’d prefer a good game with bad graphics over a bad game with good graphics, thank you very much!

Music:

The music, despite being somewhat repetitive, is top-notch. The Poke’mon franchise has always been known for its high-quality, and this game is no exception. The 10 or so tracks in this game appropriately fit their respective areas, and each is catchy in its own way. For example, area 1 of each ranking is lively enough to keep the excitement going in the forest plain, while Battle Stadium throws in a bass in order to make the player feel a sense of urgency while trying to clear it. There’s also a secret and nostalgic tune that comes in at one point, but I won’t ruin it for you; instead, I’ll give you a few tracks that you can listen to:

Silent Forest Theme

Windy Prairie Theme

Bright Beach Theme

However, the following is the best tune by far in the entire game. I won’t tell you where it’s from because I don’t want to ruin the game, but just listen:

Awesomeness maximus!

Nice, huh? These are just a few of the tunes present in the game, and they’re catchy as h*ll! I gotta hand it to Nintendo for making these tunes in spite of the game’s limitations, even though the whines of the toy Poke’mon are still as archaic as ever. Good work, Nintendo!

Replay Value:

For a real-time/action RPG, Poke’mon Rumble isn’t a very long game. On average, each of the first 8 ranks will take about an hour to complete, with the 9th rank taking about 2 due to the increased difficulty and tough series of end-stadium bosses. This brings the total length on average to roughly 10 hours, which isn’t bad considering its price. While more experienced gamers will probably complete this game in about 6-8 hours, novice and younger gamers will take about 12-14 hours to complete it. So, depending on how skilled you are, this game will either be worth its price tag, or not worth its price tag.

Assuming you think it’s worth the price tag, the game does have replay value. Traversing through the different worlds and collecting different toy Poke’mon most-certainly adds to the overall fun-factor, and battling in the stadiums adds for the extra challenge. Even playing this game with some friends (which I haven’t done yet) can enhance the replay value, as it adds for extra strategy and makes the experience more enjoyable to play. There are even unlockables that can be acquired through passwords, and the game is simple enough to still be enjoyable the 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th time around. Personally, I’ve chosen to not beat it yet because I like traversing through the different worlds, but it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth spending $15 on. Therefore, I recommend the free demo first. It’s not as elaborate as the full game, but it’ll help you decide if it’s worth buying the full game.

Conclusion:

Poke’mon Rumble is an unsual game. On one hand, it’s a $15 WiiWare game with ugly visuals, somewhat repetitive gameplay and a short length. On the other hand, it’s a unique entry to the franchise that controls well, plays well, looks pretty and has replay value. It’s also fun to play and come back to, and it’ll keep you going for a while. However, it’s not for everyone. Therefore I suggest downloading the demo first. If you still like the game, buy it! If not, skip it and save the money altogether.

Final Scores:

Story-4/10 (F)-The story in this game isn’t so great. However, it doesn’t need to be, as the gameplay more than makes up for that!

Gameplay-9/10 (A-)-It’s repetitive, shallow and lame compared to the main series. However, it’s still very fun! The customization and sheer simplicity make for a quick playthrough filled with both customization and enjoyment. But it’s your decision!

Controls-9.5/10 (A)-What can I say? The game controls well, is simple to pick up and play and doesn’t abuse motion controls. And while it’s a little repetitive, at the same time you won’t strain your hands from it.

Presentation-6/10 (D+)-The graphics look very ugly, almost to the point of nausea. The only thing that’s holding them back from that? They look cell shaded. Can’t argue with that!

Music-10/10 (A+)-It’s hard to really fault the music. Even though it’s somewhat repetitive and there aren’t that many tracks to begin with, nevertheless the tunes are both catchy and appropriate for their respective areas.

Replay Value-8/10 (B)-This one’s a bit tough. Considering its length the game has replay value, but how much is different for each person. Therefore, I think that this is an appropriate number to give it!

Final Score: 8.5/10 (B+) (Not an Average)-While not for everyone, Poke’mon Rumble is still a very good game. However, it does have its flaws, even if they’re minor. I suggest downloading the demo first before getting the full game.

Well, that’s it for me! Sorry about the length, but I didn’t expect this game to have so much to say! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, as always, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Also, just in case you’re interested, here’s the IGN review I discussed recently:

…

(Note: Big thanks go to Ultamite-Ninja and http://www.serebii.net/ for helping me with some of the information.)

I Like Poke'mon Rumble: Whitly Confesses

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 00:17:42 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! I’d like to share with you all a secret, something rather…strange, so to speak. It’s something that took me completely by surprise, something I never thought would happen. The world must be coming to an end, as it’s almost an unthinkable and impossible secret: I like *shudder* an Ambrella game!

Yeah……………

You’re probably wondering what I’m talking about, so I’ll explain:

You see, Ambrella is a second-party developer for Nintendo. Once part of a larger developer called Marigul Management, Ambrella is the prime developer of sub-franchise Poke’mon games. They aren’t a very highly regarded developer, namely because they’re not very good at what they do. They’ve made quite a few Poke’mon games in their 11-year run as part of Nintendo, all of which have received mediocre-to-poor reception. While I haven’t played many of their games, I can say right now that I hated this one:

*Glares at it*

Even though it’s been about 4 years since I last touched this game, I do remember it being too complex for its own good. (That, and I thought its sequel was superior to it in many ways.) I remember renting it, playing it for an hour, shutting it off in frustration and returning it the following day. In short, I didn’t like the game.

So you can probably predict that I wasn’t looking forward to this game:

…

I mean, it sounded like a cool concept and all, but my hopes quickly dropped once I discovered that Ambrella was behind it. I remember discussing with my cousin over MSN back in May about how it’d be garbage. The developer was partly responsible for Poke’mon being over-milked, and the visuals looked terrible. I remember the jokes we kept making about it being the game that’d kill the franchise once-and-for-all! Was I ever about to be in for a rude awakening!

On Friday, after hearing that you could download a demo of this game for free, I decided to dive-in and give it a shot. So, turning my Wii on and going to the Wii Shop Channel, I downloaded the demo. After seeing an 8-bit Luigi running across the screen, collecting coins and hitting the blocks above him a few times, it was on my system. Transferring the demo to my SD Card, I opened up the game and began to play it.

First impression: ???

Second impression: it looks…okay, I guess!

However, appearances can be deceiving, so I decided to give it a spin.

The verdict: graphics aren’t everything!

I must admit that this game took me completely by surprise. (I’m still in shock!) I had a hard time believing it: Ambrella has finally done something…right?

(Insert surprised face here.)

Yep, I’ll admit it: I like this game. It was quite the shock to discover that, and it brings to light the possibility of me being wrong about Ambrella all along. It was a pleasant surprise, but it was also a very disappointing surprise. It’s easy to acknowledge that you were right about something, but it’s hard to admit that you were wrong about something. Poke’mon Rumble isn’t only a good WiiWare title: it’s my favourite WiiWare title. This is a hard thing to admit, as it means that this game has now topped my like for my previous favourite WiiWare title:

*GASP*

Yeah…for a game that I’ve easily put 70+ hours into, this was pretty hard to admit. What was even harder to admit was that I prefer playing a game that looks like this

over a game that looks like this

in less than a heartbeat. It’s not that I no longer like Dr. Mario Online RX, I just prefer Poke’mon Rumble more. What’s even more shocking is the actual gameplay itself:

BOOORING…right?

The combat in this game isn’t very deep. It’s just a bunch of button mashing mixed in with the D-Pad to progress. It lacks substance, and-with the exception of pressing A to select a different Poke’mon-it’s mostly just repeatedly tapping 2 over-and-over-and-over-again! It’s not necessarily the easiest thing in the world (some parts can be quite challenging,) but it’s not all that tough either. It doesn’t really look all that appealing; in fact, the only thing holding it back from looking like crap is that, at the end of the day, the visuals look somewhat…well…cell-shaded. Can someone please explain that to me?

However, it does have substance, despite all of its flaws. It does many things right, including the ability to hold as many Poke’mon as you’d like in your party. It also has replay value and-here’s the best part-it’s original. There are some things about the Poke’mon universe that you’d have to put aside for this game (such as your Poke’mon not being able to level up or evolve,) but at the end of the day, it’s just mindless fun! One thing I would suggest is downloading the demo first. At $15USD, chances are that it’s not for everyone. In fact, what convinced me to buy it was that no one really knows all that much about it. It’s never talked about, and the only professional review I could find online for it was this one:

Yeah…I don’t agree with this review!

Anyway, I’ve been having a blast with this game! I’m almost halfway through it, and I’ve been enjoying every second of it. Something about it just screams fun. I’m thinking of doing a review of this game once I’ve beaten it. I’d recommend the demo, but it’s your call!

Well, I must stop now, as it’s getting late. Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Whitly Opens Up: My Delayed Learning Curve

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 22:18:54 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! (Groans in pain and massages spine.) But in a minute, I-ow-won’t be! You see, it’s crunch time, so that means major essays and exams-oof! With that said, it’s important to note that crunch time, quite literally, can be a pain in the (ow) back! But do you know what also can be a pain? My delayed learning curve. For those unaware of what that means, allow me to explain:

Life has never been easy for me! You know those simple tasks, the ones that come naturally to everyone? I struggle with them. Whether they be social, cultural or technical, they take longer for me to figure out than most. It’s part of the reason I prefer Apple over Dell, as the former actually treats me like a human being! Anyway, this is something I’ve struggled with for 19 years, and it doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon! I’ve gotten used to it, but it can still pull me down at times!

To give a comprehensible example, allow me to pull out an old blog I did a while back:

Heheh! Silly me!

My old blog where I complained about coding contains many of my personal secrets hidden within. One of them involves an incompetent sprite I used to work with in Middle School called “trtl.” Trtls are known for being as simple as babies and as stupid as flies. They’re unresponsive, delayed and incredibly stupid. I used to get frustrated with them regularly, as they kept testing my tolerance for frustration. However, one of my biggest frustrations was that, in a way, they reminded me of…well…of myself, actually. I’m exactly like that when people give me orders, so it can be hilariously frustrating to see myself when I code.

A delayed learning curve is when you don’t get something right away. The frustrations of not getting it rack your brain, and they don’t go away until it clicks. It’s almost insulting to not get something so simple, but that’s how it is! It took 8 months to understand colour, and 5 years to learn to speak properly. Sarcasm isn’t my forte, and social skills don’t come right away. The good news is that I quickly catch-up to-and often surpass-everyone else once I finally comprehend it, but the process of getting-there is annoying. That being said, I’d like to thank my mom and dad for helping me learn to cope with it, as it’s not easy!

To see how this fits in with video games, allow me to pull up another blog, one I’m not too proud of myself for writing:

!!!>_

I wrote that when I was angry-very angry! Angry at all the complaints people make about games being too easy these days. Angry at all the rants people make about games being too easy these days. Angry to the point of getting fed up, thinking “ENOUGH ALREADY!” and deciding to write a blog demanding that people “shut up!” about it and enjoy the games for what they are: interactive entertainment. I realize that I didn’t properly phrase my argument, but I don’t think rationally when I’m mad! To give some background, allow me to pull out some info I wrote up from a blog I promised would follow my 1-year anniversary yet aborted because it was a burden to write:

”You see, I suck at video games. Yeah, I’ll admit to that. It’s been a problem since I was a wee lil’ pisher. From the second that I first picked up that beautiful NES controller when I was 3, it’s been nothing but being constantly reminded just how bad I am at them each time I played them. Even as I got older and games became “less challenging,” the problem still persisted. The typical scenario when I’m in a bad mood would be me popping in Super Mario 64, (aka “my favourite game of all time,”) going to one of the worlds, constantly dying and landing an F-bomb so loud that everyone in my family would run to the basement and ask if I was alright. The typical scenario when I’m in a good mood would be me popping in Super Mario 64, going to one of the worlds, constantly dying, quitting the game, flipping the bird at a bunch of polygons and vowing never to come back to it again…right until I decide to come back to it the following day. Now, the typical scenario when I’m in an average mood would be me popping in Super Mario 64, going to one of the worlds, constantly dying, getting mad and either dropping an F-bomb or flipping the bird. That’s my experience with video games in three sentences. THE END!”

As you should know, the Whitster’s never finished until he’s finished, so putting THE END! in there doesn’t literally mean the end. That being said, I wasn’t even halfway done and it was already 4559 words long, and I was 100% dissatisfied with how it was coming along. So, for the first time since rejoining Screwattack, I aborted the project and moved on to something easier. (You can see the irony in there, can’t you?) I must state, though, that I was only using this game

as an example, as it’s the easiest for me to relate this too. Ergo, Whitly still likes Super Mario 64. (Sorry!)

Alright! Since this is getting close to 1000-words, I’ll explain now why I’m writing this:

You see, I’m annoyed that 4.0 messed up 84 of my blogs. I spent 300+ hours in total on them, and I liked some of them a lot! So I decided that I wanted to fix them all up eventually, as they’d turned into nauseating blobs of text. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to do that, until one of my Skype buddies provided a simple remedy:

Um…yay?

So I tried that…only to discover that it didn’t work. I got confused. I began asking stupid questions and making jokes while doing so, as it made the conversation less-so to speak-awkward. In the process, I mentioned my delayed learning curve, as well as the challenges that resulted from it. During the conversation, I decided that this’d make a good blogging piece; after all, it was fresh in my mind, I hadn’t blogged in almost a week and I’d hit a roadblock in my schoolwork and couldn’t progress further. Since no many people really know this interesting fact about me, I’ve decided to give a shot! For the record, though:

ME SO SILLY!

The reason for this is what I’ve just spent this blog discussing with you. Scary, isn’t it?

Well, I must continue with my work! (I don’t wanna feel rushed 24 hours before it’s due!) Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!” Also:

Relaxing, no?

Ronald's Choice-A Poke'mon Story by Whitly

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 20:54:56 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! Since my essays are almost all completely finished, I figured I’d make a small blog, a fan-fiction, so to speak. You see, I recently started replaying these games again:

While they’re fun to play, nevertheless there are things that I don’t like about them. One of these things is this douchebag:

*Resists urge to strangle guy in pic*

Aside from being the definition of “a**hole,” I was mad that Nintendo caused him to disappear from the game completely once he started having a change-of-heart. It drives me crazy that they did that, so I’ve decided to do what Nintendo didn’t and end the story of this jacka** (whom I’ll name Ronald) forever. Keep in mind that this is purely fictional. It shouldn’t be taken as credible. Should you take it as fact, that’s fine with me. Just don’t come running to me when you find out that Nintendo has called this a lie, okay?

Well, without further ado, let’s get started!

*********************************

Pallet Town – Poke’mon Fire-Red and Leaf-Green

The sun was beginning to set behind him. Ronald collapsed to the ground and panted heavily. Running is hard work! he thought to himself, as he wiped some dirt off of his mouth. As he sat down to relax, he closed his eyes and thought over his past battles and encounters. He thought about how that goofy professor had refused to let him have that Cyndaquil on the account of being nasty to him, and how he had to shove the old goofball’s head against the wall and knock him out in order to get it. He thought of that cowardly man in Bellsprout Tower, and how that old wimp had accused him of not treating his Poke’mon with respect. He thought about that dragon trainer-Lance, his name was-and how that arrogant b*stard accused him of not loving his Poke’mon. He though about that guy he stole rare Poke’mon from, how that shrimp was no match for his Quilava. But, most importantly, he thought about that kid who kept beating him. He hated that runt! He couldn’t understand why that little pipsqueak kept winning! It was embarrassing!

Ronald opened his eyes and sighed. What am I doing that’s wrong? He could picture his dad lecturing him for being a wimp, an embarrassment to the family. His brother James was better than him! He hated his father, hated how he kept disappointing him! What do you want from me, pops? What do I have to do to please you?

Ronald lay down by a nearby tree and yawned. He hadn’t gotten all the much sleep in the last while, and he was exhausted. He was just about to catch some z’s, when he could feel a small paw tapping at his leg. He slowly turned his head and found a curious Eevee wearing a bandana around its neck that was pawing him. He glared at it and tried to brush it away with his hand, but the Poke’mon just began licking it and purring.

“Go away!” Ronald mumbled menacingly.

The Poke’mon looked at him strangely, and then began sniffing his ear. It then continued licking his hand.

“Shoo!” growled Ronald. “Vamoose! Go away!”

The Eevee then circled Ronald once and proceeded to lie down next to him. Ronald grabbed his whip in frustration and lashed the Poke’mon with it. The Eevee jumped back in shock and began to whine loudly.

Ronald put his hands over his ears and groaned. “Why won’t you stop bothering me?” He then got up off the ground, grabbed a nearby stick and began whacking it at the Eevee. The Eevee growled and pounced on him. Ronald fell to the ground and began yelping in fear.

”What’s going on here, Eevee?”

Ronald turned to find a man with brown, spiky hair standing over him. The man put two fingers in his mouth and whistled. The Eevee then jumped off of Ronald and ran to the man’s side.

“Now then,” began the man, “what were you doing to my Poke’mon?”

Ronald got up off the ground and wiped the dirt off of his face. “Your Poke’mon is a jerk! Tell it to mind its own business!”

“I’d do that, but it was just being friendly!”

Ronald smirked. “You obviously don’t know how to raise a Poke’mon! Give it to me, and I’ll teach it some manners!”

“How about…no?”

Ronald grabbed hold of his whip. “That wasn’t an offer! Give it to me, NOW!”

The man chuckled. “As if!”

Ronald snickered and grabbed a Poke’ball from his belt. He enlarged it by pressing the button in the centre with his index finger. “Then I challenge you to a Poke’mon battle! My Typhlosion against your Eevee! If I win, I get your Eevee!”

The man smirked. “And if I win?”

“I’ll leave you alone!”

“Fair enough!”

Ronald cackled and threw the Poke’ball to the ground. It opened to reveal an angry Typhlosion. The man smirked.

“Show me what you can do, Eevee!” he exclaimed, confidently.

The Eevee grinned and turned to Ronald’s Typhlosion, its eyes concentrated on his Poke’mon’s every move.

Rival Battle – Poke’mon Gold/Silver/Crystal

Ronald led the attack. “FLAMETHROWER! NOW!”

“Eeevee, use Evade!”

The Thyplosion unleashed a massive beam of fire in the Eevee’s direction, which the Eevee dodged almost instantly. Ronald stared in disbelief, growled and grabbed his whip.

“USE FLAME WHEEL!” he cracked the whip. “NOW!”

“Eevee, use Evade again!”

The Typhlosion released a massive wheel of fire, which the Eevee avoided. Ronald started getting mad. This went on for an hour, during which the Eevee kept avoiding the Typhlosion’s attacks. Finally, after the hour had passed, the Typhlosion began to get exhausted. Ronald cracked the whip, but to no avail.

The man smirked. “Now’s your chance, Eevee! Use Tackle!”

The Eevee lunged at the Typhlosion and tackled it in the chest. The Typlosion whined and fell to the ground with a huge crash. Ronald held tightly onto his whip and cracked it several times in his Poke’mon’s direction.

“Get up!” he barked. “GET UP, YOU INFERIOR BEING! I AM YOUR MASTER, SO DO AS I TELL YOU!”

Nothing. After cracking the whip a few more times, Ronald took out his Poke’ball and, reluctantly, recalled his Poke’mon. He then collapsed to his knees, all the while the man and his Eevee happily celebrating their victory.

“What do I constantly do wrong? Why do I constantly lose?” asked Ronald, holding back tears. He didn’t get it: Poke’mon are meant to be controlled, so why am I always losing?

The man walked over to Ronald and offered to help him up. “I didn’t get your name,” he said with a grin on his face. “Mine’s Gary.”

Ronald grabbed Gary’s hand and got up off of the ground. “My name,” he said quietly, all the while brushing his hair out of his eyes, “is of no importance to you!”

Violet City/Olivine City – Poke’mon Gold/Silver

Ronald ran off into the distance, leaving behind a confused Gary and his Eevee. As he got to the entrance of a nearby city, a realization dawned on him: maybe that dragon master was right! Maybe I DON’T treat my Poke’mon with respect! As he walked through the main square, he could see a nearby police station. As he got within 10 feet of it, he realized what must be done. It’d taken him 3 years to realize it, but that kid he’d battled helped him see the truth.

Sorry pops, he thought as he inched closer to the station, but the dragon master was right: I DON’T treat my Poke’mon with respect! And with that, Ronald did the first, noble thing he’d ever done in his life and went to go turn himself in.

*********************************

Well, that’s it for now! I hope you liked it! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Whitly's Top Lists: Top 7 Psychotic Responses to a Busted Computer

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 13:01:11 -0500

Computers. No matter how advanced, sophisticated or high quality they are, they keep breaking on us. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of them being old not functioning properly anymore, or even the result of downloading a virus while watching pr0nz, but this isn’t always the case! Occasionally, your computer breaks without warning and reminds you that-regardless of who designed it-technology will always be sh*t. Normally, a simple phone call to customer-support or a computer technician will solve the problem, but what if you’re just a lunatic and can’t be bothered paying for repairs?

The following is a list of 7, highly unorthodox reactions that a psychopath would have if his/her computer were to break. Keep in mind that this is purely comical and shouldn’t be taken seriously. If any of you were to try one of these in real-life, God help you! So, without further ado, let’s begin!

Some music to liven the mood:

(Please read with stereotypical, Oxfordian-accent.)

7. Call the manufacturer and yell death-threats at customer support-Insanity Level: 25%.

“NO, YOU SHUT-UP, YA F***ING *****!”

For the lunatic on the saner end of the spectrum, a crashed computer will most-likely result in an increase in blood pressure. This can usually be resolved with a phone call to the manufacturer of the defective machine. Once the call has been solidified, and the customer service representative online, the person can begin having a nasty hissy fit. Phrases such as, “I’m gonna murder you in your sleep!” or even, “You’d better watch your back, you f***ing piece of sh*t!” Aren’t uncommon during this period. For the sexually active psychopath, the inclusion of sexually explicit language isn’t unusual if the representative is of the opposite sex. For the male lunatic, shoving his right hand down his pants and suggesting rape over the phone is quite a common occurrence. If it’s a female, massaging the lower hemisphere with two fingers is done instead. Granted, shouting at the representative won’t get either party anywhere, but lunatics don’t use common sense anyway (so it’s irrelevant.) Once the representative transfers the angry customer to the police, he or she will quickly hang up the phone and pray that he or she won’t be arrested. Granted, it rarely works, but it’s a small price to pay for “venting.”

6. Shove your hand through the monitor-Insanity Level: 35%.

“FALCON-PAWWWN-Ow!”

Moving up to slightly more insane, the lunatic in this category will resort to shoving his or her hand through the monitor. It’s obvious that a massive punch is necessary to do so, but he or she wouldn’t care. There are debates amongst Oxford intellectuals dedicated to the psychology of angry psychopaths as to whether or not lunatics have fists of steel, as they tend to shatter things fairly quickly with a single punch. In this instance, the victim in question is a broken computer. The lunatic in question will wind up his or her hand, shout out “FALCON PAWWWNCH!” and shatter the fragile and defenseless monitor into a million pieces. Of course, he or she will probably get electrocuted to death if the computer’s still on, but-like they say-the punishment fits the crime!

5. Drop the machine from a 300-storey window onto a passerby-Insanity Level: 60%.

“LOOK OUT BELOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!”

Higher up on the insanity scale, this lunatic resorts to what many with anger issues would resort to: tossing the piece of sh*t out the window. However, there’s a twist here: instead of simply throwing it out the window, the lunatic waits patiently for an innocent bystander to walk by his or her house. Once said bystander is in clear view, the lunatic then proceeds to drop the broken machine directly on the person. This often results in a tragic death on the victim’s part, but such is life! The lunatic will then proceed to laugh menacingly at the victim’s pain, knowing fully well that he or she has just transferred the burden of dealing with a broken machine to the public domain. In the event that the victim survives, or the lunatic is spotted by someone else, a nasty court-case soon arises. Assuming the lunatic can find a good lawyer, he or she can escape a life-sentence for murdering an innocent person; unfortunately, since it’d be very hard to convince the jury of the lunatic’s innocence, such and outcome would be highly unlikely!

4. Hack away at the screen with an axe-Insanity Level: 65%.

Someone’s angry…

Slightly higher up on the insanity scale, this lunatic will resort to teaching the broken computer who is boss. Grabbing the $300 axe he or she purchased off of a local, black market, the lunatic then begins to hack away at the machine, all the while whistling the Monty Python tune, “I’m a Lumberjack.” Once the machine is no more than a mere pile of broken plastic, the lunatic will resort to pulling down his or her pants and taking a dump on whatever’s left of the machine. In the unfortunate circumstance that the blade of the axe comes loose and hits him or her in the chest, waist or face, he or she will then scream, stumble backward, trip, fall from a nearby window, land on the ground outside and bleed to death. Passerby civilians will stop, point and laugh at the bleeding corpse without any trace of pity or compassion, but such is the consequence for wielding a dangerous weapon in one’s home without a license.

3. Kidnap the manufacturing CEO and torture him to death-Insanity Level: 95%.

“It’ll all be over soon!”

Way up on the insanity scale, the lunatic in this category will attempt an assassination of the CEO of whichever company has manufactured the computer in question. Gathering the necessary contact information, the lunatic will head over to the office of the CEO, find a way to get to him or her, lock the door once there and begin to torture the poor person to death. High-pitched whines will be heard emanating throughout the entire building, yet no one will be able to help the CEO due to the locked doors. Once the CEO is dead, the lunatic will quickly dive down a nearby garbage shoot and make his or her escape. Of course, this will prove to be a difficult feat to do in the first place, so the lunatic may be forced to go with a more “realistic” option: murder a prostitute instead. The lunatic can just pretend that the prostitute is the CEO, thus making it easier to accomplish this goal. For those who feel the urge to call this lunatic “heartless,” keep in mind that prostitutes aren’t people. They’re animals that need to be tamed and controlled, so committing this violent act is akin to a population check. If anyone thinks otherwise, perhaps unleashing the lunatic on him or her will teach a valuable lesson, no?

2. Go on a killing spree-Insanity Level: Over 9000%.

“WASTED!!!!”

We come now to the lunatic that manages to surpass the insanity scale by 8900%. This lunatic, upon discovering that his or her computer has crashed, will resort to murder everyone in the neighbourhood. Of course, he or she won’t do so with a gun; rather, he or she will steal a rocket launcher and proceed to blow up everything in sight. The lunatic will show no mercy to his or her victims, even if they’re weak, crippled, old or young. The lunatic will target everything that moves, and he or she will laugh maniacally at the pain of other people. of course, this’ll only cause the police and/or the military to come in and take him or her out once-and-for-all, but the lunatic won’t care if that happens. He or she enjoys taking out his or her wrath on other people, so having the police and military come to eliminate him or her won’t stop him or her from murdering these innocent people. Once caught, the lunatic will be bludgeoned to death, whereupon someone will shout out “WASTED!” and the lunatic will be rushed to a nearby hospital to be revived. The lunatic will be cured, will have his or her sanity restored, will go back home to find his or her computer broken, will go insane yet again and will resort to another killing spree. As they always say: rinse, lather and repeat!

1. Nuke the world-Insanity Level: 1 jillion-trillion-billion-million%.

“I’m Smokey Mouse!”

For the psychopath that heavily surpasses the insanity scale, it’s simply not enough to do any of the above mentioned actions. Instead, this lunatic must resort to the craziest-of-crazies: nuke the world. Driving over to his or her secret stash of explosive, he or she will hijack a space-shuttle, leave the Earth’s atmosphere, drop every last nuke onto Earth and watch in glee as the planet becomes uninhabitable forever. It’s a sad, sad day when that happens, so the lunatic will start playing “We Will Meet Again” to help ease the guilt that arises from this action. Unfortunately, due to the song only lasting so long before it ends, the lunatic will-eventually-be forced to feel sorrow for what he or she has just done. Realizing that this can’t be reversed, he or she will then proceed to remove his or her suit and leave the ship to die, all the while knowing that, while extreme, at least the manufacturer of the broken computer is no more!

Well, that’s about it for now!

Damned straight!

Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Whitly Opens Up: Why My Account Got Blocked

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:17:24 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! Well, 4.0 is up, my first blog has been out since this morning, my back is stiff, my chest hurts, my stomach is in pain and I have a headache. This can only mean one thing:

Essays!

Perhaps I should get my health checked out: not now, though. I’m trying to get a pain in the a** over and done with, so the physician will have to wait; however, since I have to take breaks from this b*tch of an essay in order that I don’t go into a major spasm, I’ve decided to open up and share something with all of you. My Skype buddies have already heard bits and pieces of it (and one of them has heard the full thing,) but I haven’t given the full story yet. Therefore, in an attempt to keep myself occupied during breaks whilst writing an essay that my TA promised would be fun to do, (she lied,) I’ve decided to share with all of you my story. True, I’d always planned on sharing it eventually, but it wasn’t until I read Elmo’s 57th rant that I decided to let it all out. Here goes nothing:

Ever since I rejoined back in June, I’ve been hearing people tell me how impressed they are with the quality of my work. While I don’t think that that’s always been the case

*Sigh*

at the same time my parents taught me to be grateful when I receive a compliment: thanks. However, this wasn’t always the case:

Yeah…I actually wrote that…>_<

You see, like Elmo, I too was once a creator of textual diarrhea! The only thing is, my crap was all on Facebook. To this day, I have no clue as to why my loyal readers on that site were willing to put up with me. 8/10 Notes that I wrote there are ill informed, pointless or vomit inducing. On a good day, you’d see something like this:

Clearly the works of a genius satirist, no?

Of course, no one understood that. But that was typical of me to write, unless I was in a bad mood:

My profile info on Facebook. For the record, I still agree with 75% of that…

In early 2008, I had the privilege of stumbling upon Screwattack via a link in a GT video. It seemed like a nice place, one where I’d get away from the sh*t-scourge of PS3 fanboys and be able to write in peace about how much I hated the PS3. (Notice I said hated with a “d,” so don’t flip out on me!) However, I had major self-esteem issues back then, so I was afraid of everyone and didn’t want to join. It wasn’t until September 22nd that I gathered my courage and decided to become a g1. This was back when Screwattack had themed-blog days, and this one happened to be about the experience that made a g1 into a gamer. Being the ever-ambitious g1 that I was, I decided to take the challenge on. So I wrote a blog about my first encounter with Super Mario 64. Unfortunately, due to me not being used to my then-new MacBook, the final result was sh*t. Why? Well, it lacked everything that makes my blogs so well-liked now. (Don’t bother trying to look for it, though. I’ll explain why in a bit.) Once the blog was published, I set out to start comment whoring:

My first comment-some things don’t change, do they?

I think I posted, maybe, 4 comments before checking the blog again. Sure enough, I got 133 points, no comments and a 4/5 rating. I realize now that these were Achievements that I’d unlocked, but my stupid, 17 year-old brain thought that they were for the actual blog itself. I was under the impression that every blog I wrote would receive points. (Before you start laughing at me, keep in mind that I was still, fairly naive at the time-ah, screw it! LAUGH IT UP, MUTHAF***ERS!

……………RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…I hate you!)

Anyway, I liked the idea of points for blogs, but I wanted comments. So I wrote another blog that I’m sure some of you have seen in an archive of mine about Bomberman. No comments. I was crushed! I didn’t want to be part of this community anymore. I wanted to cancel my account, but I didn’t know how. I tried deleting my blogs in hopes that it’d help…but it didn’t. I started getting nervous. I began to think that I’d be trapped with my account forever. Finally, after hours of searching and a panic attack, I found the contact information of one of the admins. So, using my email account, I told him that I didn’t want my account anymore.

The following evening, as I logged out of the site after posting my last comment for 9 months, I checked my email: nothing. Furious, I went to go log back in and write a blog flaming the site for not having a Cancel Account button, only to discover that I’d been blocked. Thinking that my email request had been answered, I calmed down.

But I STILL lurked around the site!

F** you, 8-bit mockery!

And why not? Despite its flaws, 3.0 had awesome content! However, during this time period I matured quite a bit! My writing skills improved, I became more in-tune with the world around me and I got a taste of university life. During the strike my university had that lasted November-February, I got a chance to expand my Wii collection and started praying twice a day. Screwattack also pacified me a little bit, as I used to be a militant-fanboy (I still only own a Wii, though…shut-up!) I also got a chance to see the hypocrisy of Nintendrones as a result of all of the hate over something so pointless and trivial, whiners actually deserve a slap to the groin:

You’re GONNA watch it-you have no say in this matter!

I could understand the disappointment, but people were making it out to be the apocalypse. What’s worse is that people wouldn’t stop pestering Nintendo about, even after they apologized! (What the f*** is wrong the world these days?!) And I even saw some of the hate on Screwattack, so don’t think the g1s are being let off the hook just because Screwattack is the Harvard of the Internet, gaming community!

Anyway, around February I began to notice a certain troll I’d been following since last year was gaining popularity. While I didn’t always agree with his work, I could notice a change in his maturity. It got to a point where I wanted to comment on some of his blogs. (I also wanted to comment on an episode of Hard News and point out a flaw in one of the comments, but it’s too late to do that now.) Finally, in late-April, I caved and decided I wanted to rejoin. So, thinking that my account was still active, I went to go log-in. There was just one, teeny-tiny problem:

Life can be b*tch sometimes…

I was stuck. I didn’t know what to do…again! (My life sucks, doesn’t it?) I tried changing my user name, but it didn’t work. Apparently, my account had been frozen. For two months, I kept trying to find a way online. I tried emailing around, searching the blog archives for help…nothing. I was just about to give up hope, when I realized that I had Skype. So I searched for Screwattack and ended up messaging the Screwacrew during an episode of SideScrollers (even though they didn’t respond.) I was disappointed, but I decided to search for one of the mods. Sure enough, I found him. I wrote a little blurb to him explaining my situation. 3 days later, I got a response. He referred me over to a different mod and suggested that I contact her about it. And while I didn’t get her contact info from him, I managed to find it in the forums. So I sent her an email explaining the situation.

Two days later, on June 21st, I got a response saying that my account had been fixed. Excited, I logged-in and began work on my first blog in 9 months. On June 22nd, 2009, just shortly after midnight, it was done:

(Crowd cheers.)

Personally, I think the time off was good, as I probably would’ve made a good troll had I stayed; however, I have that special troll to thank for convincing me to rejoin:

*Gasp*

Well, until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Whitly's Infamous 7: Jewish Texts

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 09:21:13 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! I figured I’d do something a little…unorthodox today. What I mean by this is, I’d like to write a blog on something that, for a few years now, has been near-and-dear to my heart. I know that some of you may not end up liking the material being discussed, while others won’t understand anything I write; however, I ask you (just this one time) to put your biases aside and allow me to do this. I write plenty of blogs about gaming for all of you, so I ask that you do this for me in return; in fact, just to make things easier to digest, I’ve decided to do it in an Infamous 7 format for all of you. Just remember: if you’re gonna critique, make sure to be respectful about it.

Are we ready? Okay, here it goes:

Now, as you already know, I’m a fairly religious person: I pray twice a day, I keep the Jewish holidays to the fullest and I haven’t had a piece of pork or shrimp a single day in my life. I wear a religious item called a yarmulke, and I like whistling Jewish tunes on occasion. However, what you don’t know is that I also like reading Jewish texts. Whether they be essays on God, or simply just poems about my heritage, they always bring me comfort. At the same time, I simply can’t forget the very texts that shape my religion as a whole. There are quite a few, actually, so picking the right ones for each category is tough. That being said, it’s time for me to pick the 7 finalists:

The Perfect One

The Torah/Scripture

How fitting is it for a blog about Jewish texts to begin with the text, no? You might not like the placement of this one, (or even its inclusion in the first place,) yet, as a religious person, I have an obligation to do so. I’m aware of the controversies surrounding this best-selling book, but I’m simply willing to live with that. The Torah (or Pentateuch, if you wanna get technical) is a five volume manuscript that contains the very basics needed for Judaism to survive. While it’s certainly a confusing book if you take it literally, at the same time it’s full of rich content relating to life in general.

To start, The Torah discusses ancient history. While it doesn’t only discuss history, nevertheless it still has quite a bit of historical information about early civilization. There are mentions of nations that no longer exist today for obvious reasons of extermination by other nations, (i.e., the Ammonites and Moabites being exterminated by the Assyrians, the Assyrians by the Babylonians, etc.) along with brief mentions of the ways in which these nations lived. The text even goes as far back as tracing the origins of these nations and showing how they’re related to one another. By doing this, the text manages to give background in the origins of humanity, which is a crucial insight for any historian to know and understand. True, it’s somewhat selective and very agenda-driven, but I’ve seen plenty of ancient civilization textbooks and encyclopedias about Egypt and the Middle East use The Torah as a source for background information. That already makes it relevant on a very basic level. Most importantly, though, The Torah gives history on the creation of my people, and I’d be a fool to neglect that!

The Mesopotamian Crescent (WARNING: Object on map is bigger than it appears.)

Another thing that makes this text so important is that it’s also a guidebook for how to live life. It seems somewhat strange that a guidebook about living life would have so many rules, (613, to be exact!) but those are only put in place to help a Jew like myself live life properly. While some of the rules seem rather unusual to the common-folk, there are actually some very, logical explanations as to why we Jews do them. However, I wouldn’t want to spend an eternity trying to explain all 613 of them to you, but I do strongly encourage looking them up yourself if you wish! It’s these guidelines that have kept the Jewish people going for all this time, as they’ve enabled us to remain strong in the face of danger.

Another thing that one should know is that The Torah doesn’t waste words. Like any, other book of poetry, (yes, it is a book of poetry,) the stories, word formations and details that are included/not included serve a purpose: they’re meant to teach you something. Each story has and underlying message, and each section a menu of life lessons that can easily be relatable to everyday life. Moral themes, such as “treat others how you’d like to be treated,” “don’t be cruel to animals” and “always acknowledge and help those in need,” can all be found in this text.

While there are certainly some lessons/themes that seem rather unusual to include (tithing, not mixing fabrics in clothes, etc,) at the same time there are most certainly reasons for why these are included as well. Unfortunately, it’s rather tricky finding this out by simply glancing it over, so some critical thinking is definitely needed. One should always be sure to read into what’s being said, and one should never be afraid to ask for help if needed. It’s important to be able to do this sort of stuff, as it helps to expand your mind and makes you grow as an individual. And though we Jews have a flexible, Oral Tradition that helps to clear some of the ambiguities, nevertheless we too must make sure to think critically whilst analyzing this text.

That being said, there’s also some controversy surrounding this text.

Hey! I had to include it eventually!

It appears as though The Torah has come under heavy fire as of the last, 200-odd years. Complaints range from critiquing the authenticity of text, (to which personal research has led me to believe that the text is still true,) to skepticism toward content, (of which I don’t think should detract from following it,) to even accusations of plagiarism, (of which I call BS.) I’m not gonna go into detail about all of the harsh criticism the text has received, (it’d take too long to do,) but I can say that I’m sure that even some of the most religious of Jews have faced these issues before. Personally, they haven’t stopped me from following the text, so it doesn’t seem like they’ll do so anytime soon. Therefore, despite the controversy it’s received/will receive by including this here, I’d still consider this worthy of this spot. (There’s simply just too much to be found within the text to not put it here!)

How could something SO beautiful be SO hated by SO many people? *Sigh*

The Close Contender

The Neviim/Prophets

Coming up in a close second, we have The Neviim. It begins at the exact point The Torah ends (i.e. Moses’ death,) and it covers a time period of about 300 or so years. While The Torah is mainly a text that covers the generalities of Jewish law, The Neviim cover the practical applications of the law and how the Jews struggled with it. And while I have an obligation as a Jew to place the former above this one, at the same time I can’t deny what makes the latter so special:

To start, the theme of this text is much easier to comprehend. That’s not to say that one can’t understand the former, it’s just that the latter has a much more digestible one. This is because, unlike the broadness of The Torah, the books known as The Neviim focus on something very specific: the Israelites and their relationship to God’s laws. The way this is shown is through 3, separate sub-themes, each one very distinct from one another.

The first of the sub-themes is that of Expansion, Conquest and Unity. This is found in the first section of the text, which is known only a Yehoshua. Starting just moments before the death of Moses, this 24 chapter section deals with his closest pupil-Yehoshua (or “Joshua,”) a man who takes over as leader of the Israelites. The 24 chapters deal with the conquest of the land promised by God from the Canaanite nations, as well as the challenges faced along the way. Throughout this section, Yehoshua’s capabilities are constantly put to the test. Yehoshua goes up against heavily fortified cities, deals with stubborn members of the Israelite community, fends off warring tribes and keeps unity for the sake of the people. In a way, Yehoshua’s struggles are very much reminiscent of the challenges that a good leader encounters regularly: those of greed, stubbornness, persuasion, setting an example and helping those who are in need. Remember that the Israelites had come out of slavery, and-while the original generation had died from old age-many of them were incapable of leading independent lives. Therefore, not only did Yehoshua have to lead them to war, but he also had to strengthen them as a whole. This was often very trying for him, as he often had to deal with situations that tested his faith in God. In this way, the theological and the practical were very much in conflict with one another.

The second sub-theme is that of Growth, Downfall and Remerging. This is covered in the next section (known as Shoftim (or “Judges.”) Following right after Yehoshua’s death, Shoftim is a section that deals with 12, specifically selected members of the Israelites who come to help them in times of absolute need. These people often come in to help after each, major conquest, as the Israelites go astray each time and end up becoming conquered themselves. The tales of these people conquering the oppressors are rather violent. They involve impaling a fat king whilst bathing, stabbing a giant nail through a sleeping general’s head, causing a temple to collapse inward and scaring off invaders with noise loud enough to make a normal person go permanently deaf, to name a few. And while they can be disturbing, at the same they’re necessary in order to ensure stability once more. What we see here is that the inability to stay on the right path can lead to a danger so extreme, the only way to come out of it is to use brute force. Once again, an example of the theological and the practical coming into conflict, even though this is a rather extreme way of demonstrating that.

The final sub-theme is that of Power and Corruption. This is covered in the remaining sections of the text. (All 18 of them.) They deal with Kings and the ways in which they should/shouldn’t lead their people. These sections contain the typical checklist of scandals found in politics, as well as some you wouldn’t expect: Lust? Check! Incest? Check! Greed? Check! Paranoia? Check! Betrayal? Check! Murder? Check! Theft? Check! You name it, it’s there! The inclusion of these themes often lead to rather unpleasant outcomes, some of which I’d rather not say for fear of giving you nightmares! However, not only do many of these relate to the typical scandals many politicians face today, but these also result from negligence of the law, and they even result in internal strife, which-ultimately-leads to the exile of the Israelite people from their homeland. The earlier texts discuss this through narratives, whilst the latter do so through a series of prophecies; however, the theme remains constant, and it even fits in the best with the conflict between the theological and the practical of the three, sub-categories.

Now then, wasn’t that fun? Hello? Are you all still awake?

I’m not THAT boring…am I?

Grrrrr! WAKE-UP! (Sees everyone still sleeping.) *Sigh*

Xzzzkt-Wh-wh-who? What? When? Where? Why? How? Whose-oh! Heheh…

Okay, now that you’re officially awake, allow me to explain to how the three fit together. As you can see here, the first sub-theme discusses this relationship via the leader as an individual. Yehoshua’s faith is tried constantly, yet he manages to handle it and grow as a human being. The second one discusses it through the community as a whole. The Israelites constantly must be saved from themselves, yet they fail each time. The final one deals with it through the upper-class leaders. Their ability to uphold the law is tested by their ability to also be good rulers. Sometimes they succeed, others they don’t. But all in all, this theme of conflict with the law is one that many, religious people still struggle with today, so it’s relevance makes it worthy of second-place. Unfortunately, it’s only held back because it’s not the core focus of Judaism, but rather an extension of it.

”There there! It’s okay! Do ya wanna soda? Do ya want some ice cream? Huh?”

The Honourable Mention

Megillat Ester

Okay…this one’s completely subjective…and I’m aware of that; however, there are some legit reasons for why I put it here. For those of who are thinking it, no I’m not referring to “Easter.” Easter is a Christian holiday, and I’m most certainly not a Christian. What I’m referring to is a scroll written about a Persian Jewess named “Ester” (from the Hebrew word meaning, “to reveal what’s hidden.” Since Purim, the holiday that’s discussed in this scroll, is all about the theme of revealing, the name of the scroll suits it well. What I’m referring to, of course, is this:

(Stares as it like 5-year old child.) Oooooh! Colours!

Alright! So, now that we’ve established that this isn’t some holiday about a bunny and eggs, allow me to give reasons why this deserves an honourable mention:

To start, this is the first of all the texts I’m mentioning to not include God’s name in it. I know this sounds somewhat strange to say, but that really is something unique! The majority of canonized, Jewish texts reference God’s name in some way, shape or form, but Megillat Ester stands out as the exception. While God’s certainly alluded to on more than one occasion, this is really a story where God plays a passive role instead of an active role.

Now, this doesn’t mean that God does nothing here: far from it, actually! Some of the parts in the story are too illogical without the assumption that God had a hand in them. Rather, this just leaves room for the story to happen on its own. However, since God still plays a rather inconspicuous role in the story, this is meant to teach people that God still helps us even when we can’t really tell. It’s a rather subtle message, but a close reading of the scroll seems to allude to it.

Another thing I’d like to point out is this is very much a story for all ages. It contains the fairy-tale like aspects of a children’s book, yet retains adult-relatable themes simultaneously. On one hand, this is a tale about a woman named Ester who marries the king of Persia and persuades him to save her people from an evil man named Haman. On the other hand, there are deep messages in here about changing fate, having faith despite bad times and overcoming greed that adults can appreciate too. Haman is the epitome of greed and lust for power, the king (named Achashverosh) represents the dangers of gluttony and naivety and Ester and her cousin Mordechai serve as role models for how a selfless hero should behave. There are plenty of ironic twists, clever jokes/puns and moments of suspense. The scroll makes for a major plot-twist halfway through, one that changes the entire outcome of the ending. It has structure, parallels and many poetic devices that we see today. It’s for these reasons that this scroll, despite being well over 2500 years old, is very relevant to people of all ages.

But perhaps the most crucial aspect of this all is that this scroll is a story about overcoming all odds and coming out on top at the end. In the beginning, the Jews of Persia are so heavily integrated into society that they’ve begun to abandon their ways. This leaves vulnerable to be attacked by a man named Haman, as he’s aware that the Jews are defenseless if they don’t have any tradition to hold onto. So, manipulating his way into power, he manages to convince the naïve, King Achashverosh to purge his kingdom of all the Jews on the 14th day of a month called “Adar.” Mordechai, the leader of the Jews at the time, gets word of this and begins to grow concerned. He contacts his niece Ester-a woman who has just been selected as queen to replace Achashverosh’s first wife-and asks her to beg him to save their people from doom. Ester approaches the king, arranges two feasts for both him and Haman and then proceeds to reveal Haman’s evil plans. Haman is hanged for treason, and Mordechai is made second-in-command to Achashverosh.

It’s not a very long scroll, but the theme of overcoming the impossible is still there. It’s important that people (even Jews) acknowledge this theme and apply it to everyday life, as it’s relevant in every sense of the word. And while it’s certainly not winning The Jewish Text of the Year Award, at the same time it still deserves recognition for what it manages to discuss. I wouldn’t have it any other way, would you?

Have some of Haman’s Ears: they’re tasty!

The “Acquired Taste”

The Talmud

Ah, yes! Considered to be the crucial doctrine for Jewish law, this 37 volume, beast-of-an-Encyclopedia took roughly 300 years to make from start-to-finish. Between the 4th-7th Centuries of the Common Era, this library of information both elaborates and clarifies the ambiguities found in a similar work called The Mishnah. This compilation was written in what was then known as Babylonia (modern-day Iraq,) and it was compiled by the Jewish community living there at the time. Since most of the Jews living there had been there since the destruction of the 1st Temple in 586 B.C.E., they had managed to establish academies of learned scholars that’d make even the Ivy-League faculty jealous. As a result, when The Mishnah was compiled in 225 C.E. as a way of helping to keep Judaism from disappearing altogether due to increasing pressures on the Jews as a whole, the academies in cities like Sura and Pumbedita began to try and clarify some of the difficulties presented in it.

Pretty cool, no? So why is this an acquired taste? Well, it has to do with the structure of the pages within:

You see, The Talmud is a collection of conversations written down on paper. Often, these conversations will go on for pages upon pages just to get to a single point. This is because, like any, regular conversation you have with a bunch of friends, the conversations are all over the place. Of course, they’re heavily edited and organized by theme, but it’s still hard to keep up with all of the jumping back-and-forth that goes on (even on a single page.) A section usually starts off by quote a Mishnaic verse in its entirety, then goes on to ask the following question: What does all of this mean? From there, pages upon pages of information try to understand the meanings behind these quotes. Sometimes they manage to do it, while other times they’re unable to. But why?

Wait! Wait! I think I got it-nope!

For those who don’t already know, The Mishnah uses what I like to call “The Assumed-Logic Principle.” What this means is that it dives right into a topic without giving any background first, as it seems as if it thinks it knows that it’s intended audience already understands what it’s arguing. Unfortunately, while the material is certainly interesting, at the same time it gives people a lot more credit than it should at times! And so, in an attempt to help clarify what’s being said, the interpreters (or “Rabbanim,” as they’re referred to in Judaism) attempt a series of Round-Table Discussions in order to try and clarify what’s being said.

It always starts, like any, interpretive discussion, by giving suggestions. However, like any, healthy conversation, it quickly branches out and turns into a series of associative jokes, stories and topics that don’t appear to have anything to do with what’s supposed to be understood (even though, in reality, they do.) And while the side conversations and allegorical stories certainly have a reason for being included (i.e. relevance), at the same time they can be quite difficult to follow! For a simpleton such as myself (or anyone else here,) it can be quite tough to follow along with! For that reason alone, it can turn some people off.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! The final conversations can be quite confusing to understand! To see what I mean, let’s take a look at a single page:

Shocking, isn’t it?

To the average person, this would all be gibberish. That’s because the actual conversation (located in the centre) is written in a dead language known as Aramaic. Back then, Aramaic was the language of commerce in that part of the world, so it was obvious that everyone could grasp the basics of it. However, since Judaism is a constantly evolving structure, as a result of a concept I mentioned earlier called “Oral Law,” it came to a point where no one would understand this stuff. Keep in mind that, despite being heavily edited, the original text found in the centre was written for the audience that existed at the time. Because of this, a lot of the language is outdated. The sections you see surrounding it are interpretations from various Rabbinic scholars, all of them writing at various times throughout the 1300+ years that came after the core text. From this, it’s easy to see that this is tricky stuff! As I already said, it’s a heavily edited conversation, but it still requires interpretation. As a result, this too can turn some people off!

However, if you’re patient enough to bear through all of this, you’ll discover that’s very interesting! The 37 volumes are loaded with deep and powerful concepts that cover various aspects of life. Some of it’s even relevant to modern-life! If you read carefully, you’ll see references to things like raising a family, employment, health, nature and the like. They aren’t quite the same as they are now, but it’s easy to see the similarities. On top of that, the Rabbanim had plenty of wise things to say to us! They teach you lessons such as “be sure to think before you act!” or “treat others with respect if you want them to do the same!” or even more obscure ones like “don’t rely on God for a miracle!” These are things that modern Jews (and non-Jews) can relate to on a personal level, as many of the challenges that we face on a regular basis were already being discussed on a more basic level in these texts. Therefore, it’s quite relevant indeed!

BUT WAIT!

Another thing I should probably mention is that these texts are an example of some of the cleverest editing to ever exist! To explain what I mean, let’s pretend that you and a few friends are discussing the best way to play a video game. All the while, it’s all being recorded. 30 years later, a few other people are having the same discussion and discover the recording. As they listen to certain parts, they begin to factor them into their discussion. Once again, this is being recorded. 100 years later, the same thing. This repeats itself several times, until all of the recordings are eventually compiled, spliced, edited and then made into a final recording. When the end-result is played back, you can hear all of the conversations, but it’ll seem like two people who never knew each other are talking to one another as if they’re in the exact, same room at the exact, same time. And that’s very similar to how The Talmud works! Many of these Rabbanim never even knew one-another personally, yet you couldn’t tell that just by reading it, could you now?

The last thing I’d like to mention is that, once you keep on top of everything, The Talmud strengthens your mind. Some of the most independent-minded people I know are well learned in this stuff! They even say that, for some of those that are well-versed, if you were to drop a pin on a specific page of a specific volume, they’d be able to tell you the exact page, section, conversation and background of where the pin has landed. And while it sounds absurd to some, I’m positive that the human brain is capable of such a feat!

So, in the end, while The Talmud is certainly off-putting to some, if you develop a taste for it you can begin to appreciate what it has to offer. If you want proof of that, just look at yours truly!

The Underrated One

Tehilim/Psalms

Jewish texts have always been full of deep meaning, but none are more worthy of recognition of that meaning than that of Tehilim. Known only in English as “Psalms,” Tehilim is a collection of poems that express a certain mood of the author at that particular time. Just like an anthology of poetry, the authors of Tehilim wrote their entries with a certain mindset. This was usually to express a relationship with God, but some of them have alternative motives for being written. One of these-perhaps one of the most timeless of all of them-is a little poem that Jews say during daily prayers. This is known only as Psalm 145, or “Ashrei:”

[A Psalm of] praise; of David.

I will extol Thee, my God, O King; and I will bless Thy name for ever and ever.

Every day will I bless Thee; and I will praise Thy name for ever and ever.

Great is the LORD, and highly to be praised; and His greatness is unsearchable.

One generation shall laud Thy works to another, and shall declare Thy mighty acts.

The glorious splendour of Thy majesty, and Thy wondrous works, will I rehearse.

And men shall speak of the might of Thy tremendous acts; and I will tell of Thy greatness.

They shall utter the fame of Thy great goodness, and shall sing of Thy righteousness.

The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy.

The LORD is good to all; and His tender mercies are over all His works.

All Thy works shall praise Thee, O LORD; and Thy saints shall bless Thee.

They shall speak of the glory of Thy kingdom, and talk of Thy might;

To make known to the sons of men His mighty acts, and the glory of the majesty of His kingdom.

Thy kingdom is a kingdom for all ages, and Thy dominion endureth throughout all generations.

The LORD upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that are bowed down.

The eyes of all wait for Thee, and Thou givest them their food in due season.

Thou openest Thy hand, and satisfiest every living thing with favour.

The LORD is righteous in all His ways, and gracious in all His works.

The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon Him, to all that call upon Him in truth.

He will fulfil the desire of them that fear Him; He also will hear their cry, and will save them.

The LORD preserveth all them that love Him; but all the wicked will He destroy.

My mouth shall speak the praise of the LORD; and let all flesh bless His holy name for ever and ever.

This Psalm, which speaks King David’s relationship to God, is rather special in a few ways. To start, the first letter of each line in the Hebrew original uses a different letter of the Hebrew Alphabet, and all in chronological order. The only letter that isn’t used is “Nun,” possibly because David couldn’t find a quality verse to match it. This makes it an “Acrostic Poem.” But not just any old Acrostic Poem! It’s an Acrostic Poem generally reserved for religious poems. By using this format, Psalm 145 stresses the importance of religion in a person’s life.

Another feature that makes this important is that this is all about praise of God. David realizes that God has helped him become a proper ruler of his people. Even in dangerous situations (like war,) David acknowledges God’s help. As well, by mentioning the destruction of the wicked, David informs the reader that evil will never thrive, and that those who do wrong will be dealt with appropriately. Jews say this every day as a testament to God’s commitment to helping them through tough times. It truly is a beautiful prayer with the actual notes, and it’s a shame that it’s not discussed more often outside of the context of prayer!

A second, wonderful piece in Tehilim is Psalm 29:

A Psalm of David. Ascribe unto the LORD, O ye sons of might, ascribe unto the LORD glory and strength. 

Ascribe unto the LORD the glory due unto His name; worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness. 

The voice of the LORD is upon the waters;

[T]he God of glory thundereth, even the LORD upon many waters. 

The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is full of majesty. 

The voice of the LORD breaketh the cedars; yea, the LORD breaketh in pieces the cedars of Lebanon. 

He maketh them also to skip like a calf; Lebanon and Sirion like a young wild-ox. 

The voice of the LORD heweth out flames of fire. 

The voice of the LORD shaketh the wilderness; the LORD shaketh the wilderness of Kadesh. 

The voice of the LORD maketh the hinds to calve, and strippeth the forests bare;

[A]nd in His temple all say: 'Glory.' 

The LORD sat enthroned at the flood; yea, the LORD sitteth as King for ever. 

The LORD will give strength unto His people; the LORD will bless his people with peace.

For those wondering why I chose it, Psalm 29 is what Jews say when welcome in the Sabbath. It’s actually a rather risky one too, as it deals with subject matter that many people don’t like to discuss. Psalm 29 speaks of the true power of God, and how everyone should understand that God rules over everything in the world. Too often, we take life for granted and become arrogant, so, once a week, this is recited in order to understand the concept of humility. As someone who learned this the hard way 2 years ago when I got into a major car accident with a few friends, it strikes me deeply. I’m not trying to force this stuff on anyone here, I just find that we tend to overlook the message found here. Also, here it is sung by a man known as the late, Shlomo Carlbach:

Beautiful, isn’t it?

While there are many, other pieces to examine (148 others, to be exact,) my favourite one has to be Psalm 23. Also known as “The Song of the Shepherd,” this one can be either uplifting, or very depressing. It all depends on the context: (puts on Talmudic-chant accent) if you were to sing it on Shabbat, it’s uplifting; however, if you were to sing it at a funeral, it’s depressing. (Accent ends here.) You heard me correctly, folks! Psalm 23 can be used on the holiest day of the week and at a funeral. The reason for this is because it speaks of the personal relationship man has with God in both good times and bad times. For a better understanding, let’s look at what’s actually said…again:

A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul; He guideth me in straight paths for His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me;

Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;

Thou hast anointed my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;

[A]nd I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

As you can see, it’s not particularly long at all; however, the message in here is clear: God watches over us and helps us in dark and depressing times. Once again, this is a poem about humility. What’s makes it so special (at least, to me,) is that it sounds so good as a song. I’d prefer not to post the Hebrew words here (for various reasons which I’d rather not discuss,) but I’ll give you the tune that often accompanies it:

Picture 3000 people using this tune in a small Synagogue in Jerusalem…can you do it? I can!

What makes this stand out in my mind from the rest is that takes something so short and makes it into something with plenty of depth. That’s not to say that the rest of them don’t do that as well, but this one manages to do it while bringing out the best of my own faith. It’s a catchy tune that I enjoy humming, and I often do so without even realizing. However, since these poems as a whole don’t really get the attention they truly deserve, it’s safe to say that Tehilim deserves this, exact spot on the list. (I might reconsider if you present a strong enough case, though.)

(Note: All Psalms were taken from www.mechon-mamre.org.)

The “Black-Sheep”

Eyov/Job

Now we get to a rather “out of place” text in the Jewish tradition. While I haven’t exactly done a full-study of this text, I have learned about it on numerous occasions. Eyov is a text that that deals with the human response to suffering. It’s a seemingly-unusual of doing so, but what even more unusual is the controversy surrounding it. What controversy, you ask? Well, according to both The Talmud AND many famous Rabbis throughout Jewish history, Eyov could possibly be a historical fiction as opposed to a chronicle about a real person. Now, before you smart-alecks start using this as proof that I’m practicing a lie, keep in mind that I’m referring to this text specifically. Confused? Allow me to explain:

You see, many in the Jewish tradition have argued that this text was written by the prophet Moses himself. They suggest that Eyov was meant as a parable that tackles the controversial topic of “Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People.” Of course, it can’t properly answer the question due to the limitations of the human psyche, but it manages to give suggestions as to why this is. It’s 42 chapters long as well, which means that it has A LOT to say on the issue. Upon further analysis, one can definitely see why: there’s quite a bit to talk about here on subject!

For those of you not well read in Biblical verse, Eyov is a story of a righteous and prosperous landlord whose faith is challenged by Satan. In this story, after a debate between God and Satan, Job-the main character-endures the loss of his entire family, the loss of all of his servants, the loss of his wealth, the devastation of his fields and a decrease in the quality of his health. All the while, Job remains a pious individual who never gives up his belief on God. Despite his physical inability to cope with his suffering, Job acknowledges that this is all for the greater good when he says, “[T]he Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” (1:21.) After much endurance of all this pain, God has mercy of Job and makes his life 10X as great as it was before. It’s a weird story to write for humanity, but there’s a deeper message behind it all:

To start, Job represents the character mold of a righteous individual-he’s kind, humble, acknowledges his vulnerabilities and uses his vulnerabilities to strengthen himself and become a better person. He’s a man that humanity should strive to be like, which makes it all the more tragic when tragedy befalls him. In contrast, Satan represents hardships and challenges that are meant to test that caricature in very brutal ways. When I say “Satan,” I’m not referring to this guy:

AIEEEEE! AHH! Take it away!

Rather, the Satan I’m referring to is no different than an angel of God. (I find it somewhat humourous that people often think of the Christian Satan when they think of Satan in general.) Just like any of the other angels, Satan does God’s bidding on this planet. How does he do this? Not by torturing people, but rather through causing people to struggle. In this text, God commands Satan to break Job without killing him. This means giving him difficult challenges that-while brutal-are bearable. Satan is-obviously-not pleased to hear this, yet has no say in the matter. So, in a way, Satan is challenging Job in order to make him into a better person.

However, we can try narrowing the analysis down even more! Aside from the explanation I just gave, one could also argue that Satan could refer to the struggles and challenges individuals face on a regular basis. Satan is our physical limitations that pull us down and make life complicated, and it’s up to us as human beings to overcome them. While the use of struggle in this text is overdone to some degree, it’s done so to demonstrate this in action. Job never does find out why he’s suffering as greatly as he is, but he’s not supposed to. These struggles were meant to shape him into a better person, and he come out on top as just that at the end of the text. So too must we, the citizens of humanity, learn to overcome our struggles and become better than we were before. And while this is a rather over-the-top way of explaining this, keep in mind that it was written in a way that requires thought in order to truly understand its meaning.

In short, think of Satan as this guy

instead of what you usually think of as and you’re all set. Understand? Good! Moving on now!

The One to Be Careful With

The Zohar

Alright! I’m aware that the odds of you wanting to read this text will be greater now that I’ve mentioned it to all of you, so I won’t demand that you avoid it altogether; instead, I shall give you reasons why you should be cautious. Some of these reasons will sound stupid and absurd, but hear me out. The text can be easily misconstrued if you’re not careful, and it can be very damaging if you don’t know how to use it properly. With that being said, allow me to explain why this is.

You see, The Zohar is a text that deals with a specific piece of the Oral Tradition: Kabbalah. I’m sure that many of you have heard of this before, as Madonna herself has become very engrossed in it within the last few years. Kabbalah is a rather deep and confusing part of the Oral Tradition that was purposely left out of The Talmud, as it’s not something that the average person would understand. It’s rather cryptic to the average person, as it discusses subject matter that most people can’t comprehend. Since Judaism is supposed to be comprehensible, including that section in it would only cause detriment to the survival of the Jewish people.

The Zohar deals with the secrets of the universe. As a sophisticated interpretation of The Torah, it discusses the deeper meanings behind The Story of Creation, what it’s really meant to teach us and how it all will relate to the end of days. According to The Zohar, God used a single, divine spark to create the first human being. This spark was constantly broken up into smaller sparks, until it got to 600000 sparks in total. These 600000 sparks were all present during the giving of The Torah, and they shall reunite in the Messianic Age after the war between the nations of Gog and Magog. These 600000 sparks are constantly reused and segmented into smaller sparks, and they can be found in all of humanity.

Another thing that The Zohar discusses (and this is the key component of the text as a whole) is the concept of The 10 Sefirot:

???

I don’t know much about this concept, but these Sefirot are supposed to represent different aspects of God’s interaction with our world:

1. Chochma-represents “Wisdom.”

2. Binah-represents “Understanding.”

3. Da’at-represents “Knowledge.”

4. Chesed-represents “Kindness.”

5. Gevurah-represents “Severity.”

6. Tiferet-represents “Beauty.”

7. Netzach-represents “Victory.”

8. Hod-represents “Glory.”

9. Yesod-represents “Foundation.”

10. Malchut-represents “Kingship.”

I don’t understand anything about how these work, nor do I think I want to try. I’ve already spent about 10% of the 22+ put into this so far just explaining to you what I do know, and I don’t want to overwhelm myself by trying to explain more of it, especially if it means risking confusion for everyone who reads this blog. What needs to be understood is that, unlike The Torah, The Zohar won’t even begin to make sense unless you have the background. Just as you can’t design a city if you don’t have the right tools and education necessary to do so, so too can you not attempt to try and learn this text if you don’t have the right mindset and background education. The Zohar is certainly a deep text, but you’ll constantly get stuck if you don’t understand the meanings behind the metaphors, parables, analogy and the like that are contained within it.

Unfortunately, that’s not the only reason to be cautious-there’s also quite a bit of controversy surrounding this stuff too!

I should use this from now on whenever there’s controversy involved, no?

One of the things I’d like to mention is that, even if you’re able to comprehend something, you’re not always gonna understand everything you read. This is a concern that’s been brought up about this text ever since Judah HaLevi compiled The Zohar in the 11th Century (even though the material can be traced back to the 2nd Century scholar, Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, who studied the original material with his student while hiding in a cave outside of Jerusalem for 30 years during the Hadrianic Persecutions.) This was especially a problem during the 16th Century, a time period when many Jews began to anticipate the coming of the Messianic age as a result of the many catastrophes that befell them in the centuries prior. While this interest in Kabbalah eventually led to the formation of a Jewish sect known as “Chasidism,” (aka The Coolest, Spiritual Hippies EVA!!! as well as a group that stressed personal attachment to Judaism alongside devotion to the law,) it-unfortunately-also led to a failed series of Messianic pretenders. These Messianic pretenders claimed that they’d redeem the Jews from exile. Amongst these people was a man named Shabbetai Tzvi. Proving to be more popular than Jesus was during their respective lifetimes, Shabbetai began making unnecessary changes to Judaism. Many people didn’t mind it at first…

UNTILL…

Shabbetai proved to be a disappointment to all when he converted to Islam, after being imprisoned in Turkey for “disturbing the peace.”

(Insert giggle here.)

Well, that was the end of his legacy!

(Insert chuckle here.)

Unfortunately, the damage had already been done. Jews everywhere were devastated. Some even converted along with him! (Hence, there’s a small sect of Muslims in Turkey today who believe that he’ll return.) And whilst Shabbetai Tzvi wasn’t the last of the Messianic pretenders, this only goes to show that The Zohar can lead to quite a bit of intellectual trouble if you’re not careful. Remember something: Shabbetai wasn’t a stranger to this text-quite the contrary, actually! It’s obvious that he was well learned in the deeper meanings of the texts as well, as Shabbetai came from an very well-educated family. But the problem lies in him missing out on what the text was all about, and this is one of the major pieces of criticism it’s received in past from traditional, Jewish thought.

However, is this text necessarily bad? NO!!! It’s just something you have to careful with, that’s all! The general rule these days is that you should only start learning this stuff once you’re 40 years-old and have 20 years of background knowledge in the deeper meanings of other, Jewish texts. Of course, Madonna seems to be fine. Then again, considering her past…

…………She’ll be fine!

Alright! I guess we’re through here! If you managed to sit through all of this, feel free to give yourself a pat on the back: it’ll make those 25 hours of work and back pain worth it. Remember to be respectful while commenting, as I put quite a bit time into making this. I’m sorry about the length of it, but I didn’t think I could fit the subject matter into a 3000-word blog. Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Oh, and since you were so good, feel free to listen to this as your reward:

Feel free to listen to this while you relax and try to process what you’ve just read-you’ll need it!

Whitly's Screwattack 3.0 Elegy

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 22:56:31 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! It's almost time to say goodbye to Screwattack 3.0 and say hello to Screwattack 4.0. Since so many of us have fond memories of 3.0, I've decided to compose an elegy as my last blog on 3.0, set to this tune:

Enjoy!!!

(Once the song starts, substitute real words with those below.)

"And as we started writing blogs about this wonderful change,
What would be the changes and what would remain the same,
I can’t help but start to wonder if we
G1s as a community will always be.
But when the whole site starts to change, you know that it affects us all,
It seems to shatter through the impenetrable e-wall.
It makes us all realize that it’s a brand new part
Of our career as true g1s, it makes a brand new start.
And ‘cause we’re starting fresh with a brand new slate,
Like a fresh slab of food on an empty plate.
And I keep thinking back to when I joined,
And the struggles from me leaving until I rejoined.
All the searching that I did, how it happened so fast,
I hadn’t even realized that a whole year had passed, and
It made me wonder, it made me believe,
It shaped me as a writer, that’s as far as I can see.
And now I have to say:

Chorus:
Though we move to V 4.0,
And all the things we’ve had to let go,
I’m know I’m leaving SA V3
With my g1 friends and family.

It’s quite hard to imagine all the blogs that I’ve made,
84 of them in total that I’ve written as of late.
How could I forget all of the things that I’ve learned,
All of the friends that I’ve made, and the respect that I’ve earned?
Who could forget that cruddy blog that I made,
All the challenges I’ve managed, all the games that I’ve played?
I keep, I keep knowing that we must say goodbye,
As we leave and then we start a new chapter in our lives.
And now I have to say:

Chorus:
Though we move to V 4.0,
And all the things we’ve had to let go,
I’m know I’m leaving SA V3
With my g1 friends and family.

La, la, la, la; yeah, yeah, yeah,
La, la, la, la, with my g1 friends and family.

Will we ever stop and wonder what an influence we had?
Can we keep it all up? Will it start to get bad?
I guess we shouldn’t have to worry right now,
We just need to stand up tall and leave it all very proud.
What new challenges V4 are we gonna have to face,
And are we gonna take a stand and put our worries in their place?
I know, I know for certain, very soon that we’ll see,
And I’m 100% certain what my response is gonna be:

Chorus:
Though we move to V 4.0,
And all the things we’ve had to let go,
I’m know I’m leaving SA V3
With my g1 friends and family.

Though we move to V 4.0,
And all the things we’ve had to let go,
I’m know I’m leaving SA V3
With my g1 friends and family.

Though we move to V 4.0,
And all the things we’ve had to let go,
I’m know I’m leaving SA V3
With my g1 friends and family."

Until next time, this is Whitly saying, "Read, listen, comment and goodnight!"

SCREWATTACK 3.0: March 2008-November 2009:

You shall be missed dearly...

Also, side-note: an old friend has returned: Hatebreeder's letter to the G1'S of Screwattack

WHITLY HAS QUESTIONS! FOR SCREWATTACK 4.0

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 12:12:09 -0500

All right, just in case you’ve decided to actually read this, here’s some quality music to listen to:

Just kidding!

All right, since I’ve already pissed you all off twice, it’s time to get serious. As you all know, 4.0 is right around the corner. I’m sure all of you are excited. I know I am! Unfortunately, extenuating circumstances that aren’t within my control have prevented me from being able to test it out for myself. Therefore, while we DO know basic info about the new site, I still gots me some questions to be answered. I’m sure some of these will seem stupid, but a wise man once told me the following: There are no such things as stupid questions-only stupid answers. After all, it’s possible that some of the questions are questions that many of you have too.

For the record, I’m limiting this to only 5. I’m sure that people are anticipating this, but I don’t want to over-burden you all. If anyone knows the answers to any of these, feel free to either PM me or say them in the comments. Same goes for other questions you want to add on to mine. Also, “*” means I don’t know if it’s been answered yet, while “#” means that I’d like some clarification on said issue. Consider this a learning process for everyone here.

Alright! Enough of this intro sh*t! Let’s get it rollin’ baby!

1. Will the Mods Still Keep the Peace? *

F***ING SPAMBOT-TROLLS!

We start this off with a personal concern. During OotB, we were informed that the community would be taking full-reigns of the site. Mods will have less stress to deal with, and the g1s will have more space to breathe because of it; however, I’m concerned that this increase in autonomy will lead to more flaming, trolling and spamming in the comments section of the main site. (I don’t know about you, but I’m getting sick and tired of those advertisements for Dubai!) We could try banning them altogether, but keep in mind that some of the most, well-respected g1s had some “embarrassing” starts on this site/other sites; in fact, yours truly once wrote the following in the Notes section of his Facebook account:

>_< !!

Yeah…next question!

2. Why Does the Top-Post Section Still Only Have a Five-Entry Limit? #

Curious who these people are? (Hint: they’re all males.)

Okay, this one's more of a disappointment than a question. One of the issues 3.0 had was the 5-blogs restriction of the Top-Post section. The mods seemed to be aware of this as well, as I remember seeing 2 blogs getting Top-Posted over the summer that asked the community to vote for the next, Top-Post worthy blog. You just KNOW that that’s not a good sign when it happens, don’t you? I remember conversing with a fellow g1 over Skype about this issue a while back. He suggested increasing from 5-10 for 4.0, as it’d make things much easier. I agreed.

Unfortunately, OotB proved that suggestion to be wrong.

I don’t know about everyone else here, but forcing a less-qualified group of g1s to make the same decision the mods had trouble with isn’t fixing the problem: it just transfers it to us. I have confidence that it wouldn’t be as bad as-say-GT or IGN, but it’s still, somewhat disappointing to see. *Sigh* You can’t please everyone, can you now?

3. Will the Digg Feature Be Modified, Or Will it Remain the Same? *

Dugg blogs and good politicians have one thing in common: the odds are 1000:1 that they’ll happen.

If you’re like me, you probably think that the concept of Digg is stupid. I’m sure it serves a purpose on larger scale, but I don’t see its purpose in the Screwattack blogs. Perhaps I’m just mentally retarded (which is a definite possibility,) but I’ve never, truly, 100% understood its purpose in the long run: so you get 112 Diggs? Now what? Have you accomplished anything of use in real life? I don’t think so! Aside from increasing the size of your e-penis, getting Dugg doesn’t do much to improve your reputation-it just means that people bought in to your work. And what about 100+ Diggs? What does that say about the quality of your work?

It’s not like I haven’t been Dugg before (many times, to be exact,) but-aside from the feel-good reaction you receive-they don’t mean that you’re a good writer. I’ve spoken to 2 of the g1s to receive the 100 Diggs Achievement on Skype before, and neither quite understood how they got it. Quite frankly, neither do I. The day I receive 100+ Diggs will be the day I know my stuff sucked, as I don’t think the material I’ve seen with that many Diggs was worthy of it; therefore, I suggest either: a. Making the Digging system a more accurate representation of the quality of one’s work. b. Eliminating it from the blogs altogether.

But that’s just me…

4. How Will the Achievement System Work/Will We Lose Our Achievements From 3.0? #

I R ACHVMNT HOOR! LAWLZ!!!1!1!

Achievements represent pride over something vain: they don’t mean much, but they’re nice to have. I, myself, have taken pride over knowing that I got 177 points for logging in every day for an entire week, even though they don’t do anything useful. And while there are certainly some of them that I won’t be able to get for legitimate reasons (too many, Jewish holidays = loss of Year of Destruction Achievement,) at the same time I’d like to keep what I already have. I know that points will be wiped entirely clean once 4.0 launches, but I don’t want to have to start from scratch again. After all, they make me overlook a sad reality about my real life:

If only…

By the way, will the Achievements roster be expanded once 4.0 launches? I’m asking this because I’ve seen potential for Achievements that aren’t already mentioned, and they could easily make the blogging experience all the more enjoyable!

5. Do We Have to Subscribe to Someone in Order to Read His/Her Stuff? #

Who’s THAT guy? HIS STUFF IS SH*T!

All right, this is just me being an idiot right now! That being said, I’d still like to know whether or not I have to subscribe to read material. I already know who I’m gonna subscribe to once 4.0 arrives, but what if someone new comes along that sparks my interest? I’d really like to know if I have to, just in case I’m not comfortable. And, since I’m not 100% interested in 100% of the stuff 100% of the people I subscribe to write 100% of the time, (hooray for alliteration!) it’s possible that I might prefer to just skim over stuff instead of become a die-hard fan. The same can probably be said by other people of my work (you can’t please everyone, can you?) So, must I subscribe in order to read stuff? I’d be grateful if someone could answer this question for me!

Well, those are all the questions I have. Should anyone else have others to add, feel free to do so. This’ll probably NOT be my last blog for 3.0 (I have something planned,) so keep your ears peeled over the next, little while. Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Also:

I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist! >_< !!

P.S. I'd also like to ask about the discrepancies in HTML coding, as well as if they'd get in the way of my work. That's all!

Whitly's Super Smash Brothers Brawl Commercial Script

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:15:58 -0500

Hey g1s! Whitly here! Since I’m currently in the middle of something special that I’d like to release once 4.0 launches, I’ve decided to post the script for a commercial I made before Super Smash Bros. Brawl had come out. It was based off of several commercials Nintendo has made in the last 4 or so years, as well as one for the Xbox 360. I’m a big fan of Nintendo’s ads (I think their newer ones are underrated,) so I thought that it’d be interesting to see what I could come up with. Keep in mind that I was still maturing as an individual back then, so some of the language (and content) is definitely very…um, daring. Also, don’t mind the crappy translations-I thought it’d make it more “authentic,” so to speak. With the exceptions of some minor arrangements and the inclusion of coding, everything is exactly the way it was when I originally wrote it. As always, just sit back, relax and enjoy!

*****************************

Battlefield Theme – Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Just to liven the mood a little bit.)

*****************************

Wii Logo appears.

Four young women are playing Super Smash Bros Brawl. All four of the women are barefoot. There is a Japanese woman, a blonde-haired French woman, a red-haired American woman and a brown-haired Australian woman. The Japanese woman is sitting in a hotel room, playing Brawl on her bed. The French woman is in her own bedroom, playing Brawl from her bed. The American woman is sitting on her living room couch. The Australian woman is in a recreation hall, playing Brawl over a bunch of rowdy people.

Japanese woman: Chi!

French woman: Oui. Yippie!

American woman: Let’s get this party started!

Australian woman: (imitating Mario) Letsa go!

The TV screen is now visible. Mario, Link, Zelda and Princess Peach can be seen on the screen. They’re busy fighting one another. After a while, Mario, Zelda and Peach all gang up on Link.

French woman: (puts her right hand over her eyes) Non, non, non, non! Oh, non!

The TV screen is visible once more. Everyone has left Link to fall off of the platform. Once he has gotten back onto it, he grabs a Final Smash.

French woman: (grinning) Oui! La vengeance est douce! Ha ha ha!

American woman: (closes her eyes) Oh no! I can’t look!

Japanese woman: No! No, no, no, no, no! Aaah! (puts hands over face.)

Australian woman: Uh-oh!

Link lashes out at Mario. Mario goes flying and loses his life.

Japanese woman: (slaps forehead) Doh! Mamma mia! (giggles.)

With Mario out of the way, Link now makes his next target Peach. He slices her continuously.

American woman: (curls up into a ball and closes her eyes) Oh no! Go away! Go away! Aaah!

Peach then lands on the platform. Unable to move, Zelda decides to weave in a few hits.

American woman: (uncurls) Hey! No fair! (adjusts her position on the couch.)

Australian woman: (dusts off her left sole) Heh, heh, heh! Let’s see how you like that, princess!

American woman: (sighs and picks up the cover to the game. She opens it up and takes out the manual) That’s gotta be against the rules…somehow! (scans through the book.)

Unfortunately, Peach is still vulnerable to hits. Taking advantage of the situation, Link grabs her and tosses her up into the air. He then slices her in midair, thus sending her flying off of the screen.

American woman: (slaps forehead) Dangit! (sighs) Oh well.

Two down, two to go. As Link lands on the platform, he realizes that he’s made a crucial mistake. During his time up in the air, Zelda has managed to grab hold of a Poke’ Ball. Thinking quickly, he grabs hold of a baseball bat lying out in the open.

French woman: (grin appears on the corner of her mouth) Princesse, juste toi et moi bons maintenant! (clenches her toes.)

Australian woman: Come and get me, mate! (cracks her neck.)

French woman: (closes her eyes) Bien batte: ne me laissez pas vers le bas!

Zelda tosses the Poke’ Ball at Link. Link swings his bat and it bounces off of it, hitting Zelda in the process.

Australian woman: …Crap!

French woman: Ha ha! Oui! Oui, oui, oui! (turns onto her stomach, her feet dangling in the air. As she clenches the Wiimote and Nunchuck tightly in her hands, a look of satisfaction appears on her face.)

The Poke’ Ball opens to reveal a Groudon. The Groudon gets ready to attack.

Australian woman: (lifts legs up, frown upon her face) Shoot!

French woman: (toes of feet start hitting the bed, a smile on her face) VICTOIRE! Dites vos prières, Zelda!

Groudon launches an attack. The attacks is launched full-blast onto Zelda. Zelda skyrockets into the air, to extent where she’s no longer able to stay in the battle.

Australian woman: (groans)

French woman: (jumping up and down on bed) Oui! Oui! OUI! OUI! Je suis le plus grand! Je règne! Désirent ardemment le lien de phase!

The Japanese woman holds up her left foot and begins to massage it, since it has become sore from losing. The French woman is busy celebrating her victory. The American woman tosses her controller on the floor and it bounces back and hits her in the face. Shocked the she was unable to predict the results of her silly little action, she trips and falls backwards into the sofa, almost tipping it over in the process. Meanwhile, the Australian woman gets up, leaves the recreation room and decides to go for a swim, hoping that it’ll take her mind off of her defeat. The French woman is so busy running around in victory that she collapses from exhaustion and falls to the floor.

End with title of the game, along with the logo of the Wii, with the two “i” letters bowing.

******************************

There you go, everyone! Thank you all for being supportive of these archives, even though I can do better now. Also, congratulations to those who received Beta Keys for 4.0 (perhaps I’ll be able to drill you about it once it launches, no? I kid!) Lastly, I hope to bring you plenty of entertaining material once 4.0 officially launches. Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

"The Bounty Snatcher" A Short Story by Whitly

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:18:29 -0400

Hey g1s! Whitly here! I figured that, since I’m going back into a school schedule, that I’d do something different. It’s a silly, short story I wrote in Grade 12 as part of a contest for my local newspaper…I didn’t win. However, I figured I’d share it with all of you, as I did put effort into it! I’ve actually made a few changes here and there and added html coding, but other than that I haven’t changed much. So, without further ado, just sit back, relax and enjoy!

The Bounty-Snatcher

Pink Panther Intro Theme

Gary Lousenwi knew that the cops had been onto him for years. In fact, the entire town of Daringsburg, Mixup was out to get him! It made sense, especially considering that he was guilty of so many things. If there was a traffic jam, he’d caused it. If no one in Daringsburg could find pants to wear, it was his fault. Whenever a building was on fire, he’d started it. There wasn’t a single problem that occurred in Daringsburg that wasn’t his fault! And he loved it! “After all,” he always said, “I live off of your pain.”

So when Gary was arrested for a crime he didn’t commit, he knew that someone had stolen his spotlight. For the first time in his life, Gary was innocent. The only problem was: how do you convince everyone else?

“Alright, Lousenwi!” grunted Daringsburg’s Chief of Police when Gary was brought for questioning. “What did ya do this time?”

Gary looked the chief squarely in the eye, cleared his throat and said, “Nothing. Nothing at all! In fact, I didn’t do a darn thing!”

The chief snorted. Within seconds, the coffee he had just started drinking squirted out of his nose. “Drat!” he growled. “That’s gonna be one, huge, dry-cleaning bill. Anyway, Lousenwi, don’t play innocent with me! I know you did something, so don’t deny it! Tell me within the next 30 seconds and I’ll let you off the hook.”

Gary scratched his forehead. “Well,” he said, “if you put it that way, I tried to steal the Plexiglas Ruby from the local museum the other day. (At least, that’s what everyone claims I did!) Okie dokie Chief! Am I scot-free now? ‘Cuz I’m having company for dinner, and I gotta start preparing-”

“-Not so fast Lousenwi! You’re not leaving so easily.”

“Aww! Chief, you promised!”

“No! I’m too dumbfounded to just let you go without knowing how you did it.”

“Chief, I told you: I didn’t do a darn thing! My hands are clean. See, I even washed them this morning!”

The chief scratched his moustache. “Alright Lousenwi,” he finally said, “If you’re so innocent, enlighten me as to what really happened!”

Gary cleared his throat. “It all started back when my mommy and daddy decided to have children-”

“-You some kinda idiot? I don’t want your whole life story! I wanna know where you were the night of New Year’s Eve, and that’s exactly what you’re gonna tell me! Understood?”

“Eww! Chief, you gotta brush your teeth more often! I think your breakfast was still alive when you ate it this morning.”

“No, it was my dinner-I mean, Lousenwi, focus! I wanna know the details! Start from the beginning, but not the beginning-beginning.”

Gary sighed. He knew that petty humour wouldn’t solve the issue. “Alrighty then! It all started when-let me finish-when I got home from giving Mrs. Ledis’ kids wedgies. I was tired, so I decided I’d make myself something quick to eat before the ball dropped in the Big Apple. As I got walked home to my tiny flat, I noticed someone wearing dark clothes that was heading towards Daringsburg’s main district. Being as curious as I am, I decided to…um (what’s the word) investigate. So I picked myself up off the ground and tried to hover in the air in order to track the guy without him noticing me. Wait! Did I hover? No, I only do that on Tuesdays-”

“-Get to the point, Lousenwi!”

“Okay! Okay! Geeze! You’re so picky all the time! Anyway, I followed the guy. After all, he looked really suspicious. In fact, I think he may have been trying to do something (shudder) ILLEGAL! I watched as he stopped in an alley and talked to this guy with what appeared to be a ponytail sticking out of his hat. (Or was it a girl? Whatever! We’ll call him a he...hee-hee…heeheeheehee…) Yeah, so the guy wore a hat and he had a ponytail-ya know, I think he was actually a she-”

“-Lousenwi?!”

“Okay, it was a he! Happy? So the ‘guy’ hands him a giant box that had a smell so putrid, I had to shower five times just to remove it from my body. And then, to top it off, it happened!”

“What happened?”

Gary smirked. “You jumped out of the box-”

“-LOUSENWI!”

“I’m joking! Geeze! Take a chill pill, ya big crab!”

“Careful what you say to me, pal!”

“Okay! We’re cool, right? I'm telling you, there had to have been…1000000, green bank notes in his hand! The second guy sticks the wad into his pocket and just runs off. I’ve never seen anyone move that quickly, so I…ran after him. Yep! I ran after him. Run, run, run! Lots of fun! Keep on goin’ ‘till the day is done! I ran after him, until I stopped in front of the Daringsburg Museum. The man was just about to break in, when he ran around to the back. I foolishly followed. You know how they say that curiousity killed the cat?”

The chief nodded, an eyebrow raised the whole time.

“Well,” continued Gary, “I managed to bump into a fist, a big fist by that one too! I bumped into it, and I fell...on the ground…and injured myself (ow!) I got back up, and sure enough, there was the man. He looked like-uh-like…you!”

“LOUSENWI!”

“Kidding! So I saw the man, and he looked-um…what’s a synonym for ‘angry’ that sounds a lot more…civilized?”

“Huh?”

“Word please?”

The chief scratched his forehead. “Um, Infuriated?”

“Good choice sir! He was ‘infuriated!’ And he said to me, in a voice reminiscent of Marlon Brando’s The Godfather, ‘What you lookin’ at?’ So I said to him, ‘I’m lookin’ at your fist. I just wanted to check if all your fingers were intact. Let’s see: 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. Okay, they’re all there!’”

The chief started laughing, tears forming in his eyes. “What a sense of humour, Lousenwi!”

Gary raised an eyebrow. “I really did do that!”

“You’re serious?”

“Hey! You wanted the truth, so that’s what I’m givin’ ya!”

The chief wiped the tears of laughter off of his face. “Sorry. Continue!”

Gary rolled his eyes. “Suuuure…so the guy looks at me and says, ‘Alright “Mr. Wise-Guy,” you’re gonna rob that museum and steal the Plexiglas Ruby. And if you screw up-well-let’s not go there!’ So I said, ‘And if I refuse?’ So he says to me, he says, ‘If you refuse, then you’re gonna be pickin’ lead outta ya throat! Capishe?’”

“So…did you do it?”

“Surprisingly…no. No I did not! Instead, I tried to flee. However, that guy must be faster than a cheetah, because he jumped on me and held me at gunpoint. He said, ‘You’ll do it…or else!’”

“And you did it?”

Gary sighed. “Long story short, I went in, I went up to the ruby (by the way, the security in that museum is atrocious!) and I was just about to nab it, when my guilty conscience told me not to. So, for the first time in my life, I decided to play hero: I started to run out of the museum. The guy saw that I’d chickened out, and he figured that he was better off doing it himself. After all, why keep the cow if you can get the milk for free, right?”

“Then what happened?”

Gary thought it over for a minute. “As the guy ran towards the ruby and broke open the glass cover that held it, the alarm went off. A huge sigh of relief came upon me, for I knew that, for the first time in my life, I didn’t commit the crime. Anyway, as the alarm rang, the man punched in the face and, next thing I know, I’m being arrested for a crime I didn’t commit.”

The chief leaned forward. “And then?”

Gary raised an eyebrow. “That’s it! What? Do you expect me to make stuff up? ‘Cuz I can do that! I’d do a pretty good job at that too!”

The chief then smirked. He walked up to Gary and leaned over to his right ear.
“That’s a great story,” he whispered, “but there are two problems with it:

1. The guy that held you up at gunpoint remains unnamed.

2. You haven’t shown me any evidence that you’re innocent.”

It was at this moment that Gary caught sight of an officer walking by the room.

Gary smirked. “You want proof? You can’t handle the proof! Alright, fine! Send in that guy.” (He pointed to the officer.)

The chief smirked. “Okay! Browling?!”

A husky man with a ponytail came into the room. “Yeah?” he asked.

The chief then turned to Gary. “Now what?”

Gary briefly examined Browling. “Check the back pocket.”

The chief then dug his hand in Browling’s back pocket and pulled out a piece of Plexiglas in the shape of a diamond. The chief was dumbfounded.

“H-how?” he asked in shock.

Gary smiled. “I’ll never tell!”

The chief waved off Gary’s statement, as he whipped out a pair of handcuffs and put them on Browling’s hands.

“Whatever!” the chief grunted. “Lousenwi, you can leave now.”

Gary picked himself up and left the building. Once outside, he could hear a huge crash coming from inside.

“LOUSENWI!!!!!!!!!!!” he heard the chief shout.

Gary chuckled to himself. All in a day’s work for a prankster mastermind!

Well, that about does it for now! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Whitly Analyses: Are Game REALLY Too Short These Days?

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:50:22 -0400

Hey g1s! Whitly here! I’ve been taking some time to ponder something that I’m sure a lot of you have pondered before: the length of today’s games. It seems as though games have fallen victim to a series of complaints that fall under what I’d refer to as GTDAIS Syndrome (Games These Days Are Incredibly Short Syndrome.) It seems as though people aren’t truly content with the length of most game these days, as they feel as though they’re too short and lack real substance. For a while, I didn’t know what to think about that, but it seems as though I begin to increasingly doubt this with each new day as a result of the wonderful thing we call “The Internet.” Not only is the internet a source of porn, gambling and trolls, but it’s also the holding place for rather basic philosophical questions. Some of these questions are rather silly and light-hearted (is my hand really bigger than my face?) but some can be quite serious. This issue of game length falls under the latter, so it automatically deserves to be analyzed.

Now, this isn’t 100% fact. I’m not necessarily claiming that my words are the words of truth; however, I’d just like to give a stance that might bring this out for further discussion. Also, any videos included are included not because they're the standard, but rather to demonstrate a point about the contrast between past and present. So, without further delays, let’s get started:

The first issue that constantly gets brought up is, if technology allows for more possibilities these days, why games feel much shorter these days than they used to be. Whenever I hear that issue surface, it’s often backed by an explanation of how older games would take anywhere from months to years to complete, whereas games these days can be completed in about 8 or so hours. While this argument seems to be commonly used on the internet and appears to have a strong foundation, at the same time I strongly doubt its authenticity. In order to explain this, why don’t we take a few examples from one of the most beloved franchises ever: Mario. First, let’s use the NES classic Super Mario Bros. 1:

WATCHA LOOKIN’ AT, PUNK?!

Considered to be one of the entries in the Golden Trilogy of Mario Games (which varied by only one game if you lived in Japan,) Super Mario Bros. 1’s length was relatively long compared to many games that came before it. While I’m not necessarily denying this, at the same time-once you get down to the nitty-gritty and learn the game inside and out-it can technically be completed in about 5 minutes. That’s not very long! If you want proof of this, just take a look at this video:

They say that running and warping does wonders for your knees…(video courtesy of andrewg1990 from Speed Demos Archives.)

As you can see, this person was able to complete the game rather quickly (warps DO count, as they’re part of the game.) And for those thinking this is an anomaly, other people have done it as well. To my recollection, the average playthrough in this manner is around 7 minutes-that’s still not a very long time! And it was possible for many NES games out there to be completed rather quickly, some in fewer than 3 minutes. For example of a relatively long NES game (RPGs excluded), we turn to this video of Super Mario Bros. 3 by the same person:

Any so-called “cheats” you see are merely just exploitable glitches. I know because I’ve seen them used before.

As a side note, one of the reasons why I’m using www.speeddemosarchive.com is because these playthroughs are both legit and verifiable. They don’t use cheats, only glitches, warps, or anything found within the actual games themselves. Anyway, as you can clearly see, Super Mario Bros. 3, one of the NES’ longer games, can be completed in just over 11 minutes. Once again, that’s not very long. Personally, I can’t see myself accomplishing these sorts of playthroughs, but they still stand as challenges to the popular assertion that older games were longer than the ones we have now. However, this isn’t to say that there weren’t long games on the NES (i.e. RPGs,) but even then I don’t think that they were really as long as RPGs today. (According to the same site, Zelda II: The Adventure of Link can be completed in 65 minutes, and that’s an RPG.) But what about early, 3D games? Wouldn’t they be longer? Well…I’d assume so, (as 3D offers longer lengths than 2D,) but at the same time I’m still not so sure that it would be longer than games today. To demonstrate this to you, why don’t I pull out yet another one of these videos for my favourite game of all time-Super Mario 64:

I’d put in all the parts, but it’d take too long. It’s unfortunate, as the entire thing used to be in one clip on Google Video.

As this video shows, Super Mario 64 was completed in just under 1 hour and 30 minutes by the famous Peter “Dragorn” Branam-Lefkove. Lefkove made a name for himself by making a world record for completing this game without any tools. He only used one glitch for the first star, and it’s one that I’d like to attempt one day for fun. But even if he hadn’t used the glitch, it probably would’ve only taken him about 20 seconds more to complete the game. And even with RPGs at this time, they’d still dwarf in length compared to those of today (Paper Mario can theoretically be completed in roughly 3 hours, 8 minutes, while The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time can be completed in about 2 hours and 26 minutes.) I’m aware that I’m coming off as somewhat biased for only including playthroughs from one site, but these are coming from various people. It’s not like one person is doing everything here; there are various people playing through these games. However, the thing that needs to be understood is that it’s not who completes these games, but rather the length of time that these games took to complete.

So this leads me to my next point: why is it that these older games took so long to complete? Well, the simplest answer in my mind would be that these older games had incredibly-high difficulty levels in order to compensate for their lack of game length. However, since I don’t want you to leave with just one opinion, I’ve decided to enlist the help of some g1s and see what they thought. Unfortunately, I couldn’t use all of them, but here’s what some of them had to say:

Whitly: Alright everyone, are games REALLY shorter these days, or were older games meant to SEEM like they were longer because their difficulty levels compensated for their short game times?

Jerrywasaracecardriver: Games like Contra and Castlevania are rather short, but their difficulties do make up for that factor, making the games seen almost infinite due to the fact that you can't beat them.

TheBertRam: Most seem shorter yes, but some games aren’t. Okami, for instance, is quite a lengthy game that doesn't seem to get dull or repetitive.

PekoponTAS: I dunno. I wouldn't exactly call Fallout 3 short, (granted, that's a stand-out exception.) I'd have to say older games are way shorter, obviously. I mean, I can beat Looney Tunes on Game Boy in 18 minutes. Old games are fun to replay BECAUSE they're short, and thus it's easy to replay them. New games are longer, but have lots of extras to keep their experience longer. I think it's kind of obvious that the older games are way shorter. While it may technically take longer to beat them since you keep dying, it's obvious that newer games are quite long.

DJGrandPa: I think old games were shorter. But if you put it in perspective, in the 50's, a lot of songs were about 2 minutes if even that. Today’s songs are never less than 3 minutes; some are up to 5 minutes.

Killroy: I think older games were longer and more intricate in order to compensate for the lack of graphics. These days, developers don't have to work as hard. It’s like the difference between a novel and a short story…at least, I think.

Elmo 3000: I don't think games are shorter these days, quite the contrary most of the time. A lot of console RPGs seem short, but that's just because we have games that are graphically cruder but longer. Tales of Symphonia amazed me by being 40+ hours to finish... Since the only other long console RPG I played was Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness, and I beat that when it was barely far into double figures

Thunderbird: I think games are longer today. I've seen games today be criticized because they have "only 30 hours of gameplay" I mean, Super Mario Bros. can be beaten in 7 minutes. So I guess I agree with your second option, but games are definitely longer today.

Keavy_Rain: I'd definitely say games are the same length today as they were back then. Difference is, games are much easier today, thus are easier to complete.

Old School Master: Games these days are longer then they used to be, it's just that they seem like they're faster because of the way they're presented to the buyer.

Wandering_Swordsman: Death is something that will increase the amount of time it takes for you to complete a game, and games are consistently becoming more "pro-life" in a sense...okay, that might've been an awful way of phrasing it, but basically, games are making it harder to die these days (save points, health regeneration, and so on). Do the math. The fact is that games these days are most certainly longer. It's possible to beat most NES games in half an hour (excluding RPGs). Good luck doing that with any game these days. However, chances are that you'll spend more time with NES games because you'll be dying in a lot of them. Games are not getting shorter; they're just getting easier. Back in the day, developers were creating arcade-style games, and the only way to keep people spending their quarters is to keep them away from the finish line for as much as possible.

Silent_Protagonist: Well, games nowadays are an entirely different breed than they were back in the 8-bit and even 16-bit days. It's hard to compare the length when many modern games have more depth, cutscenes, story, menus, etc. Modern games may seem shorter, but I wouldn't say they are. I'd say older games do seem longer due to difficulty. I mean, when it's a struggle to get to "stage 5," for example, you may spend what seems like more time trying to beat the game. I certainly wouldn't say older games are any longer per-se, they're generally just more of a challenge to complete.

Notice what all of these people had in common? They all mentioned that, while games these days seem shorter than older game, they most certainly aren’t. Newer games are definitely easier (although I’ve already written a crappy blog stating that that doesn’t mean they aren’t less fun,) than older games, but older games were harder in order to compensate for their lack of length. I’m curious, though, as to what everyone else thinks, so if you want to give your take be sure to leave it in the comments below. Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”

Whitly Discusses Why You Should Buy a Wii

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:00:06 -0400

Hey g1s! Whitly here! Since I've just completed a major essay and am currently out of energy, I've decided to pull out a satirical assignment I did in Grade 12. I'm not entirely sure as to what I really think of it at the moment, but I thought I'd share it with you. Keep in mind the context of when this was written...and some of the jokes could possibly offend some of you (so those with little children in the room should leave now.) It's a spin-off of something I should probably post here if I ever finish it (it's 3/4 of the way done.) As always, sit back, relax and enjoy!
_________________________________________________________________________________

The Wii: Why You Should Consider Getting One

If you bought this booklet thinking you would learn about Roman Numerals or World War 2, you’ve been played for a sucker. To tell the truth, this is really about a video game system called the Wii (i.e. WE.) Such a strange name for a console, yet it works. Everyone wants one, and it’s for good reason too. Perhaps you should get one too! To further understand what this manual is talking about, a laborious, yet valuable, explanation of why you should get a Wii is necessary.
Here all the reasons why you should get a Wii:
• Wii is the last attempt to reclaim market shares (because the Gamecube was just a flop, right?) Having had a problematic invention on hand, Nintendo, the company that made the predecessor to the Wii-the Gamecube-decided to create a new system in order to reclaim its dominance in the video game market. It’s actually working. Go figure!
• It has a lagging internet connection. But hey! It’s free, so who cares? And who could forget those friend codes that allow you to compete against your buddies? They’re so much fun to use; you’ll never want to go online again.
• It uses old technology hardware, yet current concepts were used to help with the design. Nintendo is just using what’s worked before in order to appeal to new audiences. Confused yet? Don’t worry! So is everyone else.
• It updates every five seconds, so at least it’s not lagging behind-at least, not program-wise.
• It’s a cheap version of the incredibly successful PS2, so Sony, its manufacturer, should be flattered (imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.) That and it only costs $250 US (unlike the $600 PS3 and $500 Xbox 360.)
• The cartoon graphics are actually really smooth, something skeptics just don’t get yet. For those of you who don’t see what the big deal is about the lack of graphics horsepower, the Wii runs in an older resolution of 480p. It still looks really good, even if it’s an old resolution.
• At least it has solid, first-party/second-party games. This has been the case for all of Nintendo’s products, and it’ll continue that way for many years to come? Mario Party 85, anyone?
• It connects to the Kiddie Lite (i.e. the DS.) This one’s for all of those kiddies who actually own a Kiddie Lite.
• Free game, anyone? It comes with one! Of course, it’s not for the tough of heart, so only play it if you’re really bored.
• The Miis you get to create make for perfect entertainment after they’re made, because you get to grab them and watch them try to break free.
• Anything hard to find must be good, right?
• In just two years, almost every AAA Nintendo franchise has appeared on the Wii. Metroid Prime 3 allows you to blow your enemies to smithereens with a no-nonsense, female protagonist, while Brawl, a fighting game, lets you pound your enemies with a bat before sending them flying. Who doesn’t like that?
• Anyone love Super Mario Bros. 1 or 3? How about Super Mario 64? You can download these classics, along with dozens more, for a price you can actually afford and watch them eat up the storage space on your Wii.
• Those SD cards you never knew existed until now can finally be put to good use. However, anything saved on them can’t be transferred to another Wii and there are plenty of saving issues, so they’re almost completely useless anyway.
• Nintendo updated their logo in order to appeal to you hardcore junkies, so it’s the least you can do to thank them.
• The name is easy to remember and say. Everyone gets it, except for the people in France. (But don’t tell them that.)
• People who aren’t old enough to vote will at least be able to practice using that privilege with the voting feature…assuming they ever use that privilege it in real life (stupid elections!)
• You do know that you can surf the internet on it, right? Just grab an online surfboard and ride the connection waves. Simple as that!
• At least when you look like a fool playing, you look like a fool playing with style.
• It’s backward-compatible with every screw-up the Gamecube had to offer. With approximately 700 of them, who can go wrong?
• Many of the games actually have voice acting now, but you’re probably better off without the exaggerated accents that are found in them.
• You’ve got mail: Wiimail.
• For anyone who bought the first edition of the controller, perhaps it’s time to swing it really hard. You’ll never really understand why there’s a wrist-strap warning on the box until you experience how dangerous the controller really is for yourself. For anyone who bought the second edition of the controller, throw it at a hard-wood table. If it breaks, say “ooh!” That just shows how Wiimarkably innovative the controller really is.
• Point-click! Get it? ‘Cause the controller’s a remote-control! (You have no sense of humour!)
• For those who want alternative games to those gruesome, High Definition Halo 3 battles but don’t want to play games with pornographic advertising like on the PS3, the Wii is a perfect choice.
• The Wii is actually a big hit in Europe, which seems to be a big blow to those European gamers who got hooked on video games by Sony’s Playstation series.
• The Wii has something for everyone, much like the PS2 did when it first came out in 2000.
• Unlike the Gamecube, this one has plenty of great titles for the 20 somethings. For example Mario’s Wii incarnation is actually good.
• You can check the weather or the news in the magical world of Japan. Sweet.
• Women love the Wii! What else is there to say?
• You won’t be disappointed! That’s a promise!
In truth, though, the only person who can convince you that you should get the Wii is you. True, there are people who would much rather have newer technology over everything else; those people sit on their couches in their underwear and pig out on food while shouting profanity at the people in Europe. But for the true, Quality Elitist, consoles like the Wii are just fine. In fact, they’d even know that this manual is really only for the people who haven’t made up their minds yet. Until everyone has stacked allegiances, there will still be corrupting influences from the skeptics telling them that the Wii sucks because it “sucks!” Until then, hide your children, buy a Wii and read this manual so that you understand what the real deal is.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Oh, and since I couldn't resist:

Wii would like to hang!

That's about it for now! Until next time, this is Whitly saying, "Read, comment and goodnight!"

Edit: I've decided to stop using the Archive From ___ label in these, as I actually think it turns some people off.

RANT TIME!!! The Problems With Being a Wii-Owner

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 18:06:03 -0400

Hey g1s! Whitly here! I figured I’d do something a little bit different today and discuss with you something more personal about my experiences as an only-Wii owner. Now, I actually have two, legitimate reasons for only having a Wii (I prefer Nintendo’s stuff over the competition and I can’t afford the “All-Consoles” lifestyle,) but sometimes things can get to be a little…troubling. It’s not that the Wii is bad or anything (far from it, actually!) it’s just that I’m in a very tricky position because of my limited income that’s a result of my Jewish lifestyle (which, by the way, is three times more expensive than that of a regular person…I’m dead serious!) So, in what’s probably one of my briefest blogs ever, I’ve decided to list a few things about my troubles with only having a Wii. This’ll sound like built-up rage for only owning a Wii, but I seriously think it needs to be said. So please, just bear with me on this one-I promise it’ll be to-the-point:

1. No one takes you seriously-This is something I’ve experienced in real-life as well as online. It appears as no one thinks too highly of Wii-owners, and this includes just about every group out there. I’m aware that I’m generalizing somewhat with this, but I often can’t tell who really respects my decision to own a Wii. I’m sure that many people here in my position can attest to that. I often find that people keep claiming that gamers don’t own a Wii and wave it as truth because no one else is willing to state the contrary. It seems as though Xbox 360 and PS3 owners are everywhere these days, always boasting about how great their consoles are in comparison to the rest; however, once the Wii is brought up, things suddenly go out on an all-out attack on the “non-existent Wii fanbase.” It doesn’t help that reviewers and market analysts aren’t doing that much to help; instead, they’re stupidly adding fuel to the fire by asking asinine questions like, “Where are the Wii-owners?” or, “Has Nintendo REALLY abandoned us?” Seriously, you dumba**es: a. I’m right, f***ing here! b. No, they haven’t! Can we put that damn question to rest already?!

This was at its peaks between E3 ’08 and E3 ’09, a time-period where Nintendo was experiencing a drought (similar to the one between 2003-2004.) And while people got mad about Wii Music (to which I’ve already stated that people were overreacting,) it bothered me just how little respect people had for those of us who still owned a Wii. Every day, I’d have to listen to people whine about how they hate the Wii, how no one owns one anymore and how it should be permanently removed from existence. (It was funny for a week-now it's just sad!) It makes me wonder if Wii-owners were scared sh*tless to say they owned them, but as someone who doesn’t keep quiet about this sort of stuff it made me want beat the f***ing snot out of these people. What is your problem? And of course, now that Nintendo has bounced back and developers have started focusing more on the Wii, it seems as though the complaints have changed from frustration to paranoia. I’ve have to wonder if a lot of these people have brains, but this is the kind of stuff I’ve had to deal with during the entire time spent with the console.

2. No one respects your console of choice-Leading back to my first point is this one: where’s the love? Is it too hard to be tolerant of me because I have different preferences than you? I’ve been giving people umpteen chances to fix this, but all to no avail. It seems as though stating you’re a Wii-owner is breeding grounds for hate. Not only that, but people think you’re evil for owning one and keep trying to get you to dump it. It’s frustrating. It also includes big developers, as I’ve heard stupid things about the Wii come from the mouths of big names like John Carmack and Todd Howard, just to name a few. There’s definitely irony to be had in that a lot of these developers have made some really bad games as of late (possible correlation?) but it’s even more annoying to hear intelligent and well-respected members of the gaming industry put-down the Wii for no other reason than inflate their damn egos. Why? Well guess what? Said developers, suck my b*lls! I know that some people will get mad at me for saying that, but if they can’t show me respect why should I? I couldn’t care less about what you’ve done in the past, if you can’t play nice then you’re all a**holes!

I’d like to state that Screwattack is perfect, but it isn’t (sadly.) It seems as though this attitude has already infiltrated the site. While it’s not as bad as other places, it’s still not great! I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve verbally lashed-out at some of the people here for being rude about it. I was also surprised to find out that some of this attitude had affected certain members of the inner-crew (I know I’m probably gonna get in hot sh*t for saying that, but I can’t lie about it any longer.) I wouldn’t exactly say that they don’t have legitimacy to some of their complaints, but it was still a little confusing to hear it coming from them; in fact, why don’t I whip out an old comment I wrote in response to an episode of SideScrollers:

“After hearing this for my first time, I think this is a great segment; however, I have some complaints to make, namely with regard to the Wii:

Firstly, you can't blame Nintendo for the exploitation of motion controls. Assuming my memory isn't faulty, I'm almost POSITIVE that Nintendo was busy working their ***** off the produce some high-quality games while reatrded third-party developers exploited the Wii's controls in order to justify them shoving their heads up their tuchuses and developing for "real consoles." As well, you can't a baloney claim that Nintendo took 3 years to fix their controller, when Nintendo never promised true 1:1 gaming. As someone who'd been reading up on the Wii since it was known as Revolution, I'm almost positive that Nintendo only announced a higher level of interactivity and NOT 1:1. 1:1 integration is an addition they found useful as time went on, but they were still waiting for the price of Wii Motion Plus technology to drop significantly before using it. I know that this 1:1 bogus had been circulating before then, but remember that a lie told 1000 times is still a lie, even if it's widely accepted by the masses.

Another thing I'm not gonna let slip is the attitude many of the employees here have had toward the Wii recently. It seems as if it has become cool to hate the Wii due to its shovelware library, even though the PS2 had three times the amount around the same point in its lifecycle (ie the 3-year mark.) It's annoying to constantly hear that people have given up on the Wii when the console features some of the most original and widely unknown games this generation. How come the Wii gets bashed for trying something different, when the Xbox 360 is favoured for staying with tradition. I'm sure the Xbox 360 has a solid library of games, but its faulty hardware is nothing to take lightly. Microsoft lost a lot of money on it, and people need to understand that. True, the Wii's not winning any awards for most advanced system anytime soon, but its technological sohphistication that almost screwed them over with the Gamecube. (Although, the Wii is still capable of far more than people would be led to believe, as it contains 70% of the same internal hardware as the Xbox 360.

The last thing I'd like to critique is this ever-growing element of gamer elitism-simply put, if a game isn't gorey, shooting, profane and over-the-top, it's considered terrible. Casual games fit into none of these categories, yet the cream of the crop from this genre are some of the best games ever made. Look at Boom Blox-it's not deep at all, but it's one of my favourite games for the Wii. Unfortunately, no one buys the good games, so why would any sane human being still want to make them if they aren't selling. Also, if you're not using your Wii, why do you still have it? Seriously, do you think it gives you bragging rights or something? If you don't want it, get rid of it! I'm sure plenty of people would be interested in a Wii, so grab the bull by its horns whenever you see it charging at you.

To conclude, I'd just like to say that-while I like this feature-I think the attitude toward the Wii is absurd. Nintendo isn't your parent, so expecting something like that from them is absurd (especially considering that their sole-objective is to make profit, just like every other company out there.)

My rant is over...”

Unfortunately, many people misunderstood this comment and considered it an attack on gamers in general. I apologize for the confusion. For the record, I said this because I was trying to play Devil’s Advocate. (It would’ve been nice if one of the Screwacrew members had responded to me about this, but perhaps I’m being too idealistic.) Nevertheless, some of the responses it received further proved my point about how little respect people have for Wii owners in general (at least, on the internet.) That’s not to say it isn’t in my personal life as well (I use to get into arguments in high school over it,) but the point that I’m trying to make is that I often find myself ostracized from the gaming community as a result of owning a Wii.

3. Your gaming options are limited-This is another one I’d like to stress. It seems as though I’m limited with my gaming experience because I own a Wii. It’s not major in any way (or else I wouldn’t have 20, stand-alone titles for it,) but sometimes I wonder why developers don’t make more games for the system. It’s not really that hard! The Wii is easier to program for than the competition due to its technical specs being more basic, so thinking last-gen while programming would probably be a good idea. The only reason why I think developers don’t try is because the Wii uses a different control scheme. That would’ve an acceptable excuse if this were 2007. But since it’s currently 2009 and Microsoft and Sony have already adapted some of Nintendo’s ideas into their new controllers, it’s no longer acceptable anymore. Developers, wake up! This is the reality, this is what happening, get used to it! And while many people can just bring up the old gimmick excuse to justify the lack of good games, I’d just say that you’d be naïve to think that no other company wants to cash in on Nintendo’s success! Until then, show us you care, dammit!

Oh, and enough with the bullsh*t about Wii Motion Plus! Nintendo never promised true 1:1 at launch, waggle strengthens your arms and button-mashing is far worse (alright, that last part of the sentence was very opinionated, but I don’t care anymore!)

4. You keep getting forced to buy add-ons for new games-Okay, this one’s more of a personal nitpick with Nintendo as opposed to with everyone else, but it still has to be said: stop with the damn add-ons already! I know that you didn’t make most of them, Nintendo, but it’s gotta stop! I’ve spent well over $300 on this stuff, and I can’t afford any more of them! You’re gonna make me go bankrupt! And while I’m not being forced to buy them, certain games that I have only work with them (like Wii Fit with the balance board.) I know that you like money, but if it’s so important to you that these get made then maybe you can support them more, no? Until then, enough is enough! Geeze!

5. You’re competing with casual gamers for attention-This is one that needs to be said in general: Wii-owners, we’ve got competition! They’re numerous, they’re everywhere and they like Nintendo. They’re getting a lot of attention, and they’re making up a huge percentage of Nintendo’s annual profit margin. If you want people to know you exist, get off you’re a**es and start buying! Nintendo has in fact supplied the advertisements (there are places other than the idiot-box to do that, ya know!) but we’re not telling them that we’re interested. If you want the games, get ‘em! If not, don’t complain! It’s not rocket-science! You can’t expect people to cater to you if you don’t show interest! Money speaks more than words in a capitalist system, for crying out loud! Purchase these games and you’ll see more of them. Oh, and stop whining if they don’t sell! If you want something, don’t decide to get it and it tanks, it’s your own f***ing fault!

Well, that’s about it for me with this rant. It’d be great if more people could share similar experiences to mine, as I’m sure they’d be interesting. Until next time, this is Whitly saying, “Read, comment and goodnight!”