Diary of a Jaded Gamer: Spawn Series

UPDATE: This was a blog day post that asked what game g1s would rid from existence. Yes, this blog is old, but I thought I'd revive it due to the recent Spawn Video Game Vault. Enjoy and comment!

"If there was one game in the world that you could rid from existence, what would it be?" - Stuttering Craig, ScrewAttack.com

The answer is simple. Anything and everything that bares the name:

Have you ever loved a franchise or series so much you got excited when someone mentioned it? That was how I felt about Spawn. He was the ultimate anti-hero, a true tortured soul and a comic book fan's dream. Loving comics as much as I did, I became a fan of Spawn in no time. Today, I own the 1st issue of Spawn and the first action figure of Spawn which are both unopened in mint condition. I even went so far as to join the fan club to obtain an uncensored gory version of Spawn's nemesis/mentor, Clown. Spawn was cool from his powers to his looks and attitude. Naturally, as a Spawn fan and as a victim of merchandise brainwashing, I had to get the Spawn video games. This is where things start to suck shit.

Censored Clown - Holding Bones on top Trash Pile
Uncensored Clown - Holding Arms on top Screaming Victim

---------Todd McFarlane's Spawn: The Video Game (1995, SNES)---------

How could you go wrong with one of the coolest comic book characters on one of the greatest games systems? I thought Spawn WAS the coolest comic book character and the Super Nintendo is my favorite game system to this day. How do you screw up such a winning combination?

Well, you can start by adding terrible controls. The attacks for Spawn have the SHORTEST RANGE EVER! You have to be pretty damn close to hit enemies. You can do some cool looking fighting moves, but it seems like Spawn trained to fight within the confines of an office cubicle. The game is ridiculously difficult as well, but that's because you take so much unnavoidable damage. Seriously, the enemies may be easy at first, but later on you're treated to all sorts of shit flying around that you can't dodge and bosses that take cheap shots. Not to mention the AI is really bad. Just see the video below to witness AI at its worst.

-----Spawn: The Eternal (1997, PSX)-----

A 3D Spawn game? Hell, yeah! This was to be released at the same time as the Spawn movie, so I thought it was going to be a movie game. If that were true then it was going to suck hard. Well, the movie came and I was pumped up to see it. Of course, the movie blew ass and I felt betrayed as a fan. Well, it took a little longer for Spawn: The Eternal to come out and it was to be based off the comics, not the movie. Since they were taking longer to make it, I thought it was going to be good, especially since it was based off the comics. Instead, I got the worst game I HAVE EVER PLAYED!

It was a huge let down. The controls were so unresponsive and slow I thought I was going to break my controller everytime I tried to turn Spawn because I pressed so hard. Making Spawn walk through a back alley is like trying to drive an army tank through a hedge maze while on LSD. The graphics are abysmal. There is so much pop up and things generally look like shit anyway. One time, the enemy I was fighting disappeared and reappeared on my arm! He got stuck to my wrist like a bracelet and when I punched he would flop around! After a few more punches he rolled away... up a building. Yeah, screw this game. Everytime you fight an enemy, even a common thug, the screen goes black and you fight in a 2D mode like Mortal Kombat, but it's like you're fighting on the moon because everything is slowed down and horribly delayed.

Adam Douglas of IGN.com said it best.
"It's a disappointing game that sullies the fine Spawn name."

He's right. Spawn is a great character. Unfortunatley, just like another great hero named Superman, Spawn hasn't received the game he deserves.

-----Spawn: Armageddon (2003, NGC/XBX/PS2)-----

What's really sad is that this is the best Spawn game. I guess it's not that bad, but only if you're a die hard Spawn fan and I guess that's how I can bare this game. However, I'm still an educated gamer and I can spot a poor video game when I see one.

The main problem is the fact that it's a ripoff of Devil May Cry. Oh no, not a good one either. It rips off Devil May Cry 2. That means it suffers the same boring, monotonous shoot, hack and repeat gameplay of DMC2. It even shamlessly steals the firewalls that block other areas until you defeat all enemies and a very similar power up system. The thing that makes it worse than Devil May Cry 2 is a terrible camera during the heat of battle and boring, bland environments which were outstanding (at least cool looking) in Devil May Cry 2.

"If there was one game in the world that you could rid from existence, what would it be?"

I'm truly disappointed with the Spawn games, but I'd have to destroy Spawn: The Eternal for the Sony Playstation. It's that bad. Maybe a next-gen Spawn title would be sweet, but it's track record is not promising.

How would I destroy it?

I would send it to the fiery pits of hell with Spawn to be tortured for all eternity. You don't get a worse punishment than that.

I realize I left off some other Spawn games, but they're unappealing as well. I left them off because they were not as bad or as infamous as the three mentioned.

Spawn (Game Boy Color)
Spawn (Arcade)
Spawn: In the Demon's Hand (Dreamcast, an arcade port.)

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View the original blog at The Retro Game Zone