Keavy's Rants: E3 blog roundup

So E3 has come and passed and with it so did much blogging. I didn't participate as much as I wanted to because I'm learning computer programming and web design. I find I prefer to spend my free time using what I've learned to improve my skills and further my studies. While I love to write blogs I find myself just as enthralled with C++ and HTML.

Anyways, I will present three blog entries that caught my eye this week and comment on them. Each relates, somehow, to E3 and I thought they were pretty interesting. I welcome comments on my comments, if you're so inclined.

First up is a funny piece I heard about on another forum. Its a mom who wrote what was supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek piece about her son which failed miserably.

"The Ultimate Proof Sony Is Winning."

Like I said, its supposed to be tongue-in-cheek but I, like many readers, failed to see the joke. Keeping that in mind I'll respond to this as I did before I knew about her true intentions...or cover-up to shield herself and her son from the hate of the Internet.

First off, she mentions he's a hardcore gaming fan but then says he heard about MGS4 at E3. He heard about the biggest game in the history of the PS3 a good five weeks after it was released...I don't buy it. If he's as into gaming as she says he is he would have heard the deafening roar of hype for this game well before this E3.

Second, he sold his 360 (Which she says he played a lot) along with all of his games so he could get a PS3 and a copy of MGS4. Again, I seriously have to question his gamer cred here. He sells a console along with all of his games for another console and ONE GAME?!?! In what alternate reality does this even remotely make sense? If I wanted a PS3 and a copy of MGS4 I would save the money and buy them! I may trade in a few 360 games I never play and put that towards it but I'd never, ever sell a console and all my games for one console and one game!

Finally, why did she think this would be funny? "Oh, ho ho ho! My kid sold a 360 for a PS3 and a copy of MGS4. TEH 360 AM DOOMED!!!" I don't think so and from what I can tell your kid is a Grade A Gramer. He doesn't care about the console war or the games. He cares about playing the latest and greatest. I say good riddance to him and his kind but at the same time I do feel a bit of sadness for those on PSN because they'll soon have to deal with them in MGO.

Next up we have a "Girl gamer" who seriously hates Cammie Dunaway and Nintendo. I mean S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y-!

Opinion: Nintendo Thinks Girl Gamers Are Idiots?

What struck me about this post was the image you see at the top of a man screaming "The dog can't fucking hear you!" to Cammie, which is exactly what I was thinking when I was watching the Nintendo press conference.

First off, for those that don't know me that well I should point a few things out. While I am a member of the male gender I prefer to spend time with and associate with females and I prefer to play as a female character in games when given the chance. I strongly support women in gaming and, on many points, agree with this blog post.

While I don't know a ton of female gamers I do know of one who has never been into that Barbie bullshit. That would be my sister. Her favorite game series is Mortal Kombat, she's whooped my ass many a time in GoldenEye and Halo, and like me is eagerly awaiting Fallout 3. I consider her to be what game developers should strive for: A girl who grows into a woman who makes gaming a hobby.

Like Allison (The blog's creator) points out Nintendo seems to be aiming at the tween and teen market. At their press conference they proudly proclaimed they're gaining female gamers, talked about their female gamer celebrity ads for DS Lite, and then said something about Wii Fit. I think. By that point in the press conference I was wondering when the hell they'd start showing something that wasn't them bragging about how they've cornered the non-gamer market.

An issue I think all developers have is this idea that they have to make their games and consoles all frilly, pink, and cutsey to get girls to play them. No, they just need to make games that are fun for everyone to play. Like Craig pointed out in the Wii Top Ten a PS3 or 360 controller for a non-gamer is pretty goddamn intimidating. Making casual friendly yet deep games on DS, PSP, and Wii would draw in many younger female gamers and make the transition to a console much easier for them. These games do not have to be Hannah Montana to work. I, like my sister and many other gamers our age, got hooked on the simple pleasure known as Super Mario Bros. Hell, even a game like Portal could draw non-gamers in if it was on Wii.

Finally we end with one of my favorite kinds of people: The victivist. Part victim, part activist, all annoying. Our victivist today is Melissa McEwan, a heavyset woman who is deeply upset over the upcoming PSN game Fat Princess. Why? Probably has something to do with her unrequited anger towards society and men. Not saying all heavyset women are like her but those that sound like her...they are.

I Write Letters

Now I should point out that I, myself, am not some bean pole or even a muscle-bound beefcake. I am part of the "Body by Ben & Jerry's" crowd. I do work out, I do watch what I eat, but my love of pizza, cheeseburgers, and Guinness Extra Stout doesn't do my body much good.

I pointed out the above so you don't think I'm some skinny guy making fun of a fat girl because she's upset that a game publisher released a game which upset her. I, personally, think she needs to grow the fuck up.

Believe me when I say I know her type. I spent a good portion of my adult life working in offices, where they tend to congregate. They'll make snide remarks about the pretty and skinny girls behind their back, bark at any man who dares to come near them, and then proceed to whine about how they'll be spending another night at home because "no one loves a fat girl." Dare to point out that there are men who like larger women but have a distaste for anyone with a bad attitude (Which these women have in spades) and they'll scream you stupid.

I know guys who like larger women. Some are larger men, some are smaller men but all agree that attitude is their biggest turnoff. I know this evidence is anecdotal at best but think about it. Would you date a girl you find attractive if all she ever did was whine about how no one truly loves her because of how she looks, whines about how people discriminate against her, talk about her behind her back, and how men just don't respect her? No matter how much you care for her or how attractive you find her you can only tolerate so much before you have to get away.

My point is that society doesn't hate you because you're fat. Society hates you because you're a bitter bitch that lashes out at society and its stuff like this that proves it. Instead of seeing this as a game where a group of soldiers sacrifice themselves for their beloved Princess you see it as a game where we point and laugh at the fat girl as she stuffs another cake down her gullet. No Prince Charming for Fat Princess, oh no. He's too busy knocking her thin and pretty sister's pelvis out of alignment. That bitch! Fat Princess hates her so much! Oh, why can't Fat Princess find a man to love her? Why must men be shallow pigs? Why can't they accept Fat Princess for who she is?

Is Fat Princess a horribly insensitive game? No. Any scholar of history could tell you that back in the middle ages women who were obese and pale were considered to be extremely sexy. See, back then food was expensive and to survive in a poor family everyone had to pitch in and help. Women from poor families were often tan and thin due to working in the fields. Noble women, on the other hand, never had to lift a finger, never had to spend full days in the sun, and could eat to their heart's content. Being big meant you had money, which was important back then for survival.

This idea that a larger women are more desirable persists even today in many cultures. I had a college instructor from Egypt who told us that men in Egypt don't care for American sex symbols because they're too thin. In rap videos you see many women with curvy bodies, wide hips, big butts, and large breasts. There are even dating and pornographic websites devoted to "Big and beautiful women."

I think if Melissa spent a little less time looking for things to be offended over and spent a little more time socializing with people she'd find we're a pretty decent bunch. Some of us are insensitive assholes and yes, we all make our snide remarks but that's life. In nature potential suitors who are perceived as a threat are maimed or killed. In modern society, we nitpick or outright attack them, hoping to demean their self-confidence thus allowing ourselves a better selection of mates.

Overall, I think Fat Princess is going to be a fun game that many people will get hours of entertainment from. Too bad some people can't see it for what it really is: A game.