Once the fastest thing alive in video games, Sonic graced the world with his games that proved that there could be a match for our dear Mario and that Genesis did what Nintendidn't.  But as the franchise evolved, it got steadily worse over time.  Whereas Mario has made a tremendous leap into the world of 3D, Sonic...not so much.  I mean, compare these two gameplay footage together an you'll know what I'm talking about.

You can really see evolution take it's toll...sigh.

But why is Sonic not what he used to be?  Why can't he come out with a good game to save his hide anymore?  What key components from his glory days just seem to be there anymore?  Well, today you're gonna find out as I point out my personal five reasons to why this franchise should soon be dead and buried deep into the Earth where no one can ever find it.

5) Convoluted Story Lines

Just like Mario, Sonic wasn't to big on the story line when it first started out.  But to me, this was a good move on SEGA's part since platformers like these two don't really need a fleshed out plot.  If we want something like that, we'll just watch SatAM or read the Archie Comics.  The premise was simple for the Genesis games, some plump madmen named Robotnik, not Eggman since that's just some poorly, made-up nickname and not his real one, threatens to turn all of the cuddly critters of the hedgehog's home planet into his own robotic slaves and so it's up to either Sonic, Tails, or Knuckles to save the day.  That's all they needed!  But nowadays, we have stories dealing with sealed demons, time travel, origin reveals, and other bullcrap like that.  This is a platforming genre, not an RPG!  And don't even get me started on the whole Dark Gaia deal along with the Gaia tablets either!





Does it need to be like Final Fantasy?

4) TOO...MANY...DAMN...CHARACTERS!!!

                             

Make them stop mommy!  MAKE THEM STOOOOOP!!!!  You probably see where I'm going with this.  Once again, let's travel back in time to the the mid 90's.  Sonic has already established itself as a full-fledged franchise with around 5 games that all contain platforming goodness.  What made up this universe so far was five key characters, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, and Robotnik.  All of which played extremely important but simple roles.  Sonic was the main protagonist, Tails was the sidekick, Knuckles was the rival, Amy was the damsel in distress, and Robotnik was the primary villain.  But then the @$$holes at Sonic Team decided to increase their fanbase by adding more and more pointless characters that contribute little or nothing to the overall series.  Sure some newly introduced characters counted like Shadow, Tikal, and Metal Sonic for something, but do we really need Big the Cat, Charmy Bee, and Marine the Raccoon?  No...we...do...not.  And if anyone is interested, I have formed the first ever "Burn Chip Alive" organization.  Meetings are every Saturday at the Boys and Girls club with free food and refreshments for any new members.

3) The 4Kids Voice Cast

Since it was 16-bit, this franchise had zero dialogue, which was probably a good thing.  The only way we could hear them talk at that time was in the cartoons, except for Amy Rose of course.  Games like did not need some long and drawn out script, just some kicka$$ sound effects and music.  But when Sonic did first arrive in the 3rd dimension, voice acting was required to enhance the experience.  And for a first attempt, it actually wasn't that bad.  Out of all the games, Sonic Adventure 1 and 2 had the best cast by far.  Everyone that was on the team seemed to fit the part they were assigned to without seeming too cheesy.  Ryan Drummond did the best job out of them all, and next to Jaleel White from SatAM, he was born to play the hedgehog, even if it was only for a short time.  But after 4Kids debuted the anime based after the series, SEGA decided that these new actors and actresses were the way to go.  I do hope SEGA looks back to this very moment and realize by what they did, it was already too late.  The new voice actors are just plain horrible.  Like most 4Kids voice artists, they put absolutely no effort into the roles they are playing, they just read their lines and walk out the door with their pay check in hand.  And I also have to add that Jason Griffith is one of the worst voice actors of all time.  I bet in real life, he's a nice guy that actually can emote something.  But when he's just voice acting, he thinks he shouldn't put any feeling into his role since it's just a job.  Come back to us, Drummond.  God commands it!





If you can't spot the difference, then you have an IQ lower than zero.

2) He's...too...slow!  

If you saw the second video I posted in my intro, then I probably don't need to get into anymore detail, but I will anyway!  Sonic was revolutionary when he was first released worldwide because he was insanely fast.  When he started running, it was hard for him to stop, that is, if there was a Badnik in his way or he had to navigate some cleverly made obstacle.  He was like Mario, except he wasn't human and could easily win an Olympic medal.  Because of this, many people favored him over Mario because of his hip look and his innovative way of playing.  I thought that as time would have been good to Sonic, meaning that years of development would make him even faster than he was before.  This isn't what Sonic team had in mind.  As a result, Sonic runs...just about as fast as a turtle.  In fact, if the two were ever to race, the turtle would definitely come in first, even without Sonic taking a long nap thinking he'll win anyway.  Don't get wrong, I still thought the daytime stages in "Unleashed" managed to capture to same feeling of what Sonic used to symbolize, but they still needed some work.  Either he needs a caffeine overdose or he needs to lay off the chili dogs.  How else is he not running like he used to?

Still confused?  Then perhaps this will enlighten you!

1) Needless Gimmicks

Gameplay was simple for each of the Genesis games.  All you needed to do was make it to the end of the level while collecting rings, pummeling enemies, doing some platforming, and defeating a boss.  Simple is it not?  But Sonic Team as well wanted to make it so that the next Sonic game was innovative so that the formula wouldn't have to feel redundant.  The result was just one complete mess after another.  This all began right after "Sonic Heroes", which I think was the last great Sonic game before all his games became garbage.  Shadow the Hedgehog introduced us to vehicle driving and weapon maneuvering, both which completely got in the way of true Sonic gameplay.  And then, the werehog happened.  You know, the hideous, hulking beast Sonic becomes when night falls and the moon is full.  It's complicated, but seriously, how cliched can you get?  These segments involve mindless hack-n-slash, beat-em-up battles with hordes of enemies.  Like that hasn't been done before...cough...God of War...cough...Devil May Cry.  And forget using your own spinball techniques, as Sonic now has a sword bigger than himself to ward off his foes. Sonic...doesn't...need...a WEAPON!  Combine this with the fact that you can play as his so-called amigos that handle more sluggish than he does and you know why this reason is number 1! 



You've gotta be f***ing kidding me.  What's next, he's gonna have a jetpack and a laser gun while being transported to outer freakin' space!?  I think SEGA just read my mind and began working on it.  Damn.

Well I hope you've enjoyed this little session in why Sonic sucks in the new millennium.  If you happen to see one of these games, do yourself a favor and ignore them or buy them so you can add it to your sacrificial alter filled with other recent Sonic games.  And remember, "Sonic is his name and speed is so not his game."

This is the only glimmer of hope we have left.  Don't f*** it up Sega.