I told you to stop eating all them doughnuts. Now look at yah, six hundred pounds and counting. I would say eat at Joes, but it looks like you ate him. Never the less, I know a few weight loss ideas. First is to never eat a person. Second is eat light food; you’ll be surprised at the amount of fat you shed off. Next work out; I know it seems hard at first, but you will be faster and stronger afterward. Finally, if all else fails, go ahead and vomit. It works for Paris Hilton, it can work for you. Look I will join you in whatever you do. Together we will shed the pounds away. Just don’t force me to do the first three, or the last one. Pretty soon this will be a thing of the past.

Kind of reminds me of me. But I digress. I am writing this letter to inform to you that a war between Kratos and Scorpion is about to start and we would like to know the side you’re on. It seems that both of them escaped hell. Also it seems they both scare the crap out of their gods. Now they want to know who is more, and I quote, “scary.” As you know I can’t chose a side because I am a coward. But I was asked by both of them to hire a bodyguard. I thought, “Who better then Samus?” I want to know who you want to work for. Chose your side, I’m sending Captain Falcon to the other. It’s a good thing Chuck Norris isn’t involved with this war. He would be the only one walking away. I will wait for your reply.

Now and Forever Yours,

Joeshadowman

Ps. I will always remember you looking like this.

So sexy.